"Love the One You're With" is definitely a sterotypical book that is full of fluff, humor, and love. A book you'd expect to read in the summer at the beach. I'm not saying that's a bad thing though! I thuroughly enjoyed this book. I was frustrated with Ellen, I loved Andy, and Margot became my favorite person in the book.
Though between all the fluff and girly stuff there is a bit of universal truth in the book. Enough truth to make me think that this book is not necessarily a favorite, but a book I would recommend it to many.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Thursday, April 8, 2010
"Where the Heart Is" by Bille Letts. A Book Review.
It was almost a year ago when I watched the movie "Where the Heart Is". I was at someone's house with a bunch of other girl friends and we all decided on that movie. I really enjoyed the movie. It was cute and heart-warming. Somewhere in the middle of the movie a friend informed me that there was a book. Me being the book-worm I am set out to buy it. Eventually I did. Today just before Philosophy class, with minutes to spare, I finished this beautiful story.
Novalee is a 17 year old girl, seven months pregnant, on on the road to California with the baby's father, Willy Jack. Novalee has an extreme fear of the number 7 because for her it's nothing but bad luck. Willy Jack leaves leaves her stranded somewhere in Oklahoma at a Wal-Mart where she lives until her baby is born. The novel follows her life as she meets interesting people, old Sister Husband, the Indian Benny Goodluck, the black photograghper Moses Whitecotton, a hispital aide Lexie, and the wacky librarian Forney Hull; these characters along with a handful of others teach Novalee the most important lesson there is to learn yet.
I would be lying to you if I said this was not a love story. Because in a way, it is. It is a story about a girl who is down on her luck and the people in the life she makes in Oklahoma continue to love on her, and her baby, something she was not completely used to. So yes, it is a love story in that way, and in another way.
Novalee Nation is an interesting girl. If I were to describe her I would say she is very sweet and hard-working, and just a simple girl trying to make a good life for her and her baby. She wants nothing more than a "home without wheels".
I suppose in my own way I can relate to this girl, this "Novalee Nation". No, my boyfriend did not leave me 7 months pregnant at a Wal-mart in the middle of no where. I can relate to this protagonist just by her virtues. Novalee didn't have much growing up, but after her baby was born she worked hard to keep a good life, doing everything for her baby.
I can relate to her in that way because in her honest hard-work I see myself, trying to do the best I can for family with the encouragement of electic friends along the way who love on me more than I can really love myself sometimes.
It's a beautiful story and I highly recommend it. =]
Novalee is a 17 year old girl, seven months pregnant, on on the road to California with the baby's father, Willy Jack. Novalee has an extreme fear of the number 7 because for her it's nothing but bad luck. Willy Jack leaves leaves her stranded somewhere in Oklahoma at a Wal-Mart where she lives until her baby is born. The novel follows her life as she meets interesting people, old Sister Husband, the Indian Benny Goodluck, the black photograghper Moses Whitecotton, a hispital aide Lexie, and the wacky librarian Forney Hull; these characters along with a handful of others teach Novalee the most important lesson there is to learn yet.
I would be lying to you if I said this was not a love story. Because in a way, it is. It is a story about a girl who is down on her luck and the people in the life she makes in Oklahoma continue to love on her, and her baby, something she was not completely used to. So yes, it is a love story in that way, and in another way.
Novalee Nation is an interesting girl. If I were to describe her I would say she is very sweet and hard-working, and just a simple girl trying to make a good life for her and her baby. She wants nothing more than a "home without wheels".
I suppose in my own way I can relate to this girl, this "Novalee Nation". No, my boyfriend did not leave me 7 months pregnant at a Wal-mart in the middle of no where. I can relate to this protagonist just by her virtues. Novalee didn't have much growing up, but after her baby was born she worked hard to keep a good life, doing everything for her baby.
I can relate to her in that way because in her honest hard-work I see myself, trying to do the best I can for family with the encouragement of electic friends along the way who love on me more than I can really love myself sometimes.
It's a beautiful story and I highly recommend it. =]
Monday, April 5, 2010
"The Morning Gift" by Eva Ibbotson. A Book review.
I love books that take place in a different time period. Well, futuristic books, not so much, but books that take place in a time that was much different from the one I live in. I always find those the most interesting, even under the circumstances of the character's world.
The Morning Gift is a story about Ruth Berger who is stuck in Vienna during the time Hitler and his Nazis storm into the country. Her family, being partially Jewish has fled to London for safety. However, the plan on her part had gone terribly wrong. Her entire family and her fiancee was able to leave Vienna safely, but she was left behind. While she thought there was no hope and a dull future of a concentration camp, her father's old student, British, Quin Sommerville pretty much comes to the rescue. They get married in order to get her out safely and plan on annulling the marriage as soon as they get to England. However, the divorce seems a bit more difficult than they both imagined it would be.
I really enjoyed this book. I enjoyed the imagery, as well as they way it was written. This book was written in the 1980's, but it still has a "old" feel to it. Not quite Jane Austen or Emily Bronte material, but old enough to be very different from the books today. This book for once doesn't involve vampires or werewolves or other mythical creatures like that! Yes!
I would recommend this book for anyone who likes historical fiction, imagery, and a little humor and romance. =]
The Morning Gift is a story about Ruth Berger who is stuck in Vienna during the time Hitler and his Nazis storm into the country. Her family, being partially Jewish has fled to London for safety. However, the plan on her part had gone terribly wrong. Her entire family and her fiancee was able to leave Vienna safely, but she was left behind. While she thought there was no hope and a dull future of a concentration camp, her father's old student, British, Quin Sommerville pretty much comes to the rescue. They get married in order to get her out safely and plan on annulling the marriage as soon as they get to England. However, the divorce seems a bit more difficult than they both imagined it would be.
I really enjoyed this book. I enjoyed the imagery, as well as they way it was written. This book was written in the 1980's, but it still has a "old" feel to it. Not quite Jane Austen or Emily Bronte material, but old enough to be very different from the books today. This book for once doesn't involve vampires or werewolves or other mythical creatures like that! Yes!
I would recommend this book for anyone who likes historical fiction, imagery, and a little humor and romance. =]
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Mood Swings
Sometimes I wish life was kinda like "High School Musical". I mean, imagine, how interesting would it be if we all just burst into song and dance. When the going gets tough..."we're all in this together"! When we start to fall in love with someone..."we're breaking free (soaring!), flying", and when we get distracted we "gotta get our heads in the game". Not to mention sweet dance numbers to go along with that! Oh what a life that would be.
So today...happy Easter! He is risen! How fitting that there should be earthquakes in my area on the day of His Resurrection. I think that's pretty sweet. Haha...at least no one got hurt, so it's a good thing!
Today was not a good day. Mmm...yeah. Ever have those moments where you don't realize what you're doing except that you know exactly what you're doing? Does that make sense? Well it does for me, because that happened to me. I knew what I was doing, but I managed to...remove myself from the situation. I was watching, I was feeling, I was doing. But I was a spectator. I wasn't myself. I don't understand. I don't understand how I lost myself.
I miss my dad.
I miss my family.
I miss family. Sure, my brother invited me to go to his in-laws house, and even Juliet invited me to her house so I had the opportunity not to be alone. But I declined both. I easily declined to Juliet because I know that deep in my heart they aren't my family, which is hard sometimes. Sometimes I forget that I am not related to them because they are so close to me. Heck, I get invited to their family gatherings more often than I am to my own family. I don't understand! So in the end it is entirely, completely, wholly, undeniably my fault. Even so...things have been different since Dad passed. I called my sister to see if they are doing anything for Easter and they said now, and I found out they decided to go to their mother's house. I didn't get the invite. My sisters who do plan things have moved to Oregon, and I tried to plan things with the siblings that are still here, but they never went though. Maybe because I have no power, or maybe because everyone lost heart. It saddens me. I miss when we all got together at someones house or at a restaurant. I miss being part of something big. I know this loneliness is not my fault. Or maybe it is. Perhaps it is indeed my fault that my family doesn't get together anymore. It just makes me sad. When I sit there by myself I begin to think about the family I hope to have. I hope to have enough friends, I hope that I have at least two kids, and I hope that my husband has family so my kids never have to feel the loneliness. I love close, big families. That feeling of security, of knowing that there is someone there.
But, it is all up to God. I don't get a say in it. Well, not really. O.o It would be a bad time for me to get involved with anyone now or in the near future. However, whoever I do end up getting serious with, he'll have to be the patient type. I'll be bringing a lot of baggage. It's inevitable. I realize that I am depressed. It comes and goes and goes for a really long time but then it comes back. I am not looking for a savior. I have one, He's the one that keeps the blunt of the pain away when the enemy takes over my mind. I don't even know if I'm looking for the familiar. I would love the familiar because he would already know me. He would ideally know me now so he isn't surprised by my emotions. However, I don't know. All I know is that my heart is in a weird mood at the moment. Envious, fearful, annoyed, protective, and every other emotion in between for someone. Something.
I never realized how much I enjoy the spring. The colors of wildflowers are so exquisite. Through my hate-filters I was never able to appreciate the beauty of the world as I thought I did. But now I see that it is perfect. Amazing. I think I'm in love with spring. =]
My emotioooonnnnns. Those babies need to die. Speaking of babies, I love them. They seriously make me smile. They are the greatest things ever. Especially their smiles.
So today...happy Easter! He is risen! How fitting that there should be earthquakes in my area on the day of His Resurrection. I think that's pretty sweet. Haha...at least no one got hurt, so it's a good thing!
Today was not a good day. Mmm...yeah. Ever have those moments where you don't realize what you're doing except that you know exactly what you're doing? Does that make sense? Well it does for me, because that happened to me. I knew what I was doing, but I managed to...remove myself from the situation. I was watching, I was feeling, I was doing. But I was a spectator. I wasn't myself. I don't understand. I don't understand how I lost myself.
I miss my dad.
I miss my family.
I miss family. Sure, my brother invited me to go to his in-laws house, and even Juliet invited me to her house so I had the opportunity not to be alone. But I declined both. I easily declined to Juliet because I know that deep in my heart they aren't my family, which is hard sometimes. Sometimes I forget that I am not related to them because they are so close to me. Heck, I get invited to their family gatherings more often than I am to my own family. I don't understand! So in the end it is entirely, completely, wholly, undeniably my fault. Even so...things have been different since Dad passed. I called my sister to see if they are doing anything for Easter and they said now, and I found out they decided to go to their mother's house. I didn't get the invite. My sisters who do plan things have moved to Oregon, and I tried to plan things with the siblings that are still here, but they never went though. Maybe because I have no power, or maybe because everyone lost heart. It saddens me. I miss when we all got together at someones house or at a restaurant. I miss being part of something big. I know this loneliness is not my fault. Or maybe it is. Perhaps it is indeed my fault that my family doesn't get together anymore. It just makes me sad. When I sit there by myself I begin to think about the family I hope to have. I hope to have enough friends, I hope that I have at least two kids, and I hope that my husband has family so my kids never have to feel the loneliness. I love close, big families. That feeling of security, of knowing that there is someone there.
But, it is all up to God. I don't get a say in it. Well, not really. O.o It would be a bad time for me to get involved with anyone now or in the near future. However, whoever I do end up getting serious with, he'll have to be the patient type. I'll be bringing a lot of baggage. It's inevitable. I realize that I am depressed. It comes and goes and goes for a really long time but then it comes back. I am not looking for a savior. I have one, He's the one that keeps the blunt of the pain away when the enemy takes over my mind. I don't even know if I'm looking for the familiar. I would love the familiar because he would already know me. He would ideally know me now so he isn't surprised by my emotions. However, I don't know. All I know is that my heart is in a weird mood at the moment. Envious, fearful, annoyed, protective, and every other emotion in between for someone. Something.
I never realized how much I enjoy the spring. The colors of wildflowers are so exquisite. Through my hate-filters I was never able to appreciate the beauty of the world as I thought I did. But now I see that it is perfect. Amazing. I think I'm in love with spring. =]
My emotioooonnnnns. Those babies need to die. Speaking of babies, I love them. They seriously make me smile. They are the greatest things ever. Especially their smiles.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Quotes.
Yesterday was Bible study with the older community group kids and that was much more fun that usual. Kaylee turned 11, and she knows that her maiko/minion-ship is soon to start. The kids were also treated with a very special guest last night. -_____-
But anyway, the lesson was on joy/happiness, showing happiness and joy as means of worshipping God, and all through the night, the kids (and me!) said the cutest things..I think this is why I love kids:
"Joy is when you climb through someone's window and sleep in their house!"
"See look, I'm crossing my legs! I'm really meditating!"
"Be a good boy Kyle. Go to church, love God. Respect women, and they'll respect you too....and give you chocolate!"
"Kissing and romance makes Serena joyful!"
"-...Really?
-Yes! Can I please write "Kaylee is your minion" on your glasses?!
-fine.."
-"I made a baby cry with a puppet."
-"Did the baby pee on you then too?"
-"Secrets don't make friends!
-So?"
"Shhh! We have to be quiet they're about to kiss! Serena wants to watch this part!"
"Serena, have you kissed a boy?"
"Okay kids, listen up. Boys are gross in jr. high and in high school, and in college.
-Yes, they're mostly gross until they're 25 or so, and then after that, they've matured.
-Don't kiss boys! Or girls, in your case, Kyle!"
-"No one should have to call someone 'Master'.
-Unless your name is Toby...>_>"
-"We're all in this together...*trail off*
-Wow Serena, I don't think I've ever heard you sing on free will.."
"Serena! How could you abandon me?! I'm supposed to be your minion!"
"Girls are gross."
"Boys are gross...except for my brother."
"Be as silent as a mouse.
-That's actually not very quiet, they make a lot of noise.
-Fine. In that case, be as silent as a ninja.
-But that's impossible!"
Kids...
:]
<3
But anyway, the lesson was on joy/happiness, showing happiness and joy as means of worshipping God, and all through the night, the kids (and me!) said the cutest things..I think this is why I love kids:
"Joy is when you climb through someone's window and sleep in their house!"
"See look, I'm crossing my legs! I'm really meditating!"
"Be a good boy Kyle. Go to church, love God. Respect women, and they'll respect you too....and give you chocolate!"
"Kissing and romance makes Serena joyful!"
"-...Really?
-Yes! Can I please write "Kaylee is your minion" on your glasses?!
-fine.."
-"I made a baby cry with a puppet."
-"Did the baby pee on you then too?"
-"Secrets don't make friends!
-So?"
"Shhh! We have to be quiet they're about to kiss! Serena wants to watch this part!"
"Serena, have you kissed a boy?"
"Okay kids, listen up. Boys are gross in jr. high and in high school, and in college.
-Yes, they're mostly gross until they're 25 or so, and then after that, they've matured.
-Don't kiss boys! Or girls, in your case, Kyle!"
-"No one should have to call someone 'Master'.
-Unless your name is Toby...>_>"
-"We're all in this together...*trail off*
-Wow Serena, I don't think I've ever heard you sing on free will.."
"Serena! How could you abandon me?! I'm supposed to be your minion!"
"Girls are gross."
"Boys are gross...except for my brother."
"Be as silent as a mouse.
-That's actually not very quiet, they make a lot of noise.
-Fine. In that case, be as silent as a ninja.
-But that's impossible!"
Kids...
:]
<3
Monday, March 29, 2010
"The Crow" by Alison Croggon. A Book review.
I love fantasy novels. I was very young when I first read Harry Potter, and I just went from there! There's just something special about fantasy novels that really take me away. Perhaps it is because they test the theory of reality, of what is, and what isn't. Magic can be all around us if we only take the time to look and listen.
"The Crow" by Alison Croggon is the third book in the Pellinor series. This book follows Hem and Saliman instead of Maerad and Cadvan, just like in the last two books. In this book, Hem meets an orphan girl named Zelika who has the fiercest temper, and he also befriends a white crow which he names Irc. In this book Hem finds that he has an important role to play in the destruction of the evil "Nameless One".
This book was well written. I enjoy the way Croggon writes as though she is re-writting history. There is a lot of explanation and a lot of background information so I never get lost when reading. Hem is such an adorable boy-character. However, for a boy, I do believe he is too soft. Then again, he is only around the age of 13, so that is allowed. It is interesting to see his view of things instead of just Maerad.
I think I would recommend this series to those who love fantasy and adventure. =]
"The Crow" by Alison Croggon is the third book in the Pellinor series. This book follows Hem and Saliman instead of Maerad and Cadvan, just like in the last two books. In this book, Hem meets an orphan girl named Zelika who has the fiercest temper, and he also befriends a white crow which he names Irc. In this book Hem finds that he has an important role to play in the destruction of the evil "Nameless One".
This book was well written. I enjoy the way Croggon writes as though she is re-writting history. There is a lot of explanation and a lot of background information so I never get lost when reading. Hem is such an adorable boy-character. However, for a boy, I do believe he is too soft. Then again, he is only around the age of 13, so that is allowed. It is interesting to see his view of things instead of just Maerad.
I think I would recommend this series to those who love fantasy and adventure. =]
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
These Are a Few of My Favorite Things
So my last couple of posts have been so...hate-filled and depressing and all those other horrendous negative emotions. For that I apologize. Well I just recently read this article on Yahoo! which is called "101 everyday things that make people happy", or something like that. As I was reading the list I started to smile when I realized I could fully agree with some of them. I like to think that I find joy in the smallest and biggest things in life. Because I could not agree with everything on that list I've decided to make my own list and see how many things I find beautiful and how many things that bring me joy.....
P.s. These are in no particular order. Except number one. (:
1. God (bahaha, the list should end after that...)
2. Colors
3. Bare feet
4. Rain
5. A cool breeze
6. Hearing a favorite song on the radio
7. Owl City
8. Writing a story
9. Reading a book that I get completely lost in
10. Getting an A in class
11. Singing to a favorite song
12. Dancing
13. Romance
14. Finding a good quote
15. Hugs
16. Old memories
17. Children
18. Success
19. Knowing I made someone happy
20. Being good to others
21. Love
22. Guitars
23. Pianos
24. Seeing old friends
25. Making new friends
26. Getting a math problem right
27. Coloring in a coloring book
28. Disney movies
29. Harry Potter
30. Waking up from a really good dream that actually got to finish
31. Old photographs
32. Writing in cursive
33. Blank pages in an unused diary or journal
34. Breath-taking photography
35. Being needed
36. Flowers
37. Butterflies
38. Watching someone do a random act of kindness for strangers
39. Guys that are really good with kids
40. Chivalry
41. Good food
42. Summer days
43. The beach
44. Sunset
45. Meaningful late-night conversations
46. Best friends
47. All friends
48. Bubbles
49. Seeing the scale numbers go down
50. Being productive
51. Finding "the perfect" thing...whatever that may be
52. Cool nights
53. Stars
54. Good movies
55. Warm blankets
56. Penguins
57. Pandas
58. Narwhals
59. Laughing so hard it hurts
60. Stretching after a long drive
61. Family
62. Happy Endings (real and fictional)
63. Miracles
64. Cute words ("flippy floppies!")
65. Cool shade on a hot day
66. Great naps
67. Sleep
68. Getting a hand-written letter in the mail
69. Receiving a package in the mail
70. Accents
71. Adventures to new places
72. Music that moves the soul
73. The kindness of others
75. Carne asada fries
76. Warm soup on a cold day
77. Warm and crispy bread
78. Philosophy
79. Smiles
80. Big purses
81. Good smelling hair
82. Compliments
83. Cultural things
84. Learning something new
85. Beautiful dresses
86. Musicals
87. Seeing plays
88. Books on sale
89. Free things
Well, that's my list so far. I know there's more that makes me smile, but I can't think of anything else! :D
And now I don't feel so bad!!!
P.s. These are in no particular order. Except number one. (:
1. God (bahaha, the list should end after that...)
2. Colors
3. Bare feet
4. Rain
5. A cool breeze
6. Hearing a favorite song on the radio
7. Owl City
8. Writing a story
9. Reading a book that I get completely lost in
10. Getting an A in class
11. Singing to a favorite song
12. Dancing
13. Romance
14. Finding a good quote
15. Hugs
16. Old memories
17. Children
18. Success
19. Knowing I made someone happy
20. Being good to others
21. Love
22. Guitars
23. Pianos
24. Seeing old friends
25. Making new friends
26. Getting a math problem right
27. Coloring in a coloring book
28. Disney movies
29. Harry Potter
30. Waking up from a really good dream that actually got to finish
31. Old photographs
32. Writing in cursive
33. Blank pages in an unused diary or journal
34. Breath-taking photography
35. Being needed
36. Flowers
37. Butterflies
38. Watching someone do a random act of kindness for strangers
39. Guys that are really good with kids
40. Chivalry
41. Good food
42. Summer days
43. The beach
44. Sunset
45. Meaningful late-night conversations
46. Best friends
47. All friends
48. Bubbles
49. Seeing the scale numbers go down
50. Being productive
51. Finding "the perfect" thing...whatever that may be
52. Cool nights
53. Stars
54. Good movies
55. Warm blankets
56. Penguins
57. Pandas
58. Narwhals
59. Laughing so hard it hurts
60. Stretching after a long drive
61. Family
62. Happy Endings (real and fictional)
63. Miracles
64. Cute words ("flippy floppies!")
65. Cool shade on a hot day
66. Great naps
67. Sleep
68. Getting a hand-written letter in the mail
69. Receiving a package in the mail
70. Accents
71. Adventures to new places
72. Music that moves the soul
73. The kindness of others
75. Carne asada fries
76. Warm soup on a cold day
77. Warm and crispy bread
78. Philosophy
79. Smiles
80. Big purses
81. Good smelling hair
82. Compliments
83. Cultural things
84. Learning something new
85. Beautiful dresses
86. Musicals
87. Seeing plays
88. Books on sale
89. Free things
Well, that's my list so far. I know there's more that makes me smile, but I can't think of anything else! :D
And now I don't feel so bad!!!
Monday, March 22, 2010
My Funny Heart
Despite it all, I still feel kinda down. Why should I? I mean...haha, I guess I get over-emotional sometimes, and it involves friendship. So I have a right to be emotional?
Well, whatever, either way I will be. I like to believe that I can be strong. I like to believe that things can't hurt me as much as they should. So, can I be strong in this moment where it is most needed? In a time where I can lose a friend who I love dearly as a brother? But it hurts. Here I am listening to a break up song when it's not necessary. But it is a good song. "Curtains Closing" by Rhianna...or it's called something like that. I like the lines that go "But you've put on quite a show, really had me going..." and there's more that I like, but at the moment, I don't feel like typing it out because my emotional distraught level just..sky-rocketed? That just means I'm more jittery and more annoyed than I was a few moments ago. I think it's funny. Nothing is as it seems. We what we long to see. We feel what we want to feel and to hell with the rest, right? Well, that was stupid of me. A fatal mistake. I'm only more so annoyed because I KNOW you got my message, but you're not going to respond to me. You'll just ignore it, and next time I see you, you won't acknowledge it. Things will still go on as they are right now. Well, that just sucks. You know what? I miss you, okay? I miss best guy friend #2. I miss the hours we spent laughing at stupidity. I miss the arguements. [Haha, I just realized how well the song, well, certain lines, fit you so well! You deserve a standing ovation for your show!] I miss the moments that you helped me get through stupid things like my shyness, and my inablity to be assertive. I miss that time at the beach where we stared at the water and talked about the future. I miss the times we watched those kids. I miss the times where we got along so well that it seemed too good to be true. Haha. I am a prophet, huh? I miss being the first people you told stuff to. I miss who I thought you were. What I don't understand is why do I get the act? Why don't I deserve the real you? Am I too much of a simpleton for you? Does it embarrass you to have a friend like me? Imperfect compared to all the other people that you are "close" to. Those who are always ready to look good whatever the time. Now I know I'm just going insane and crying over nothing, but at the moment, there is no worse pain that knowing you're losing a friend. I wish I could ignore you for as long as I plan to, but I know. I know you're going to disarm me with a smile. You're going to hug me. I'm going to break. Hmm, maybe that's why you don't like me that much. Right? *deep breath* Okay. "No one can make me feel inferior without my consent". That includes you. Well, if anything new comes out of this, I'm going to hold my head higher. I can see, now that I'll always have a better heart than you. I'll always give someone the honesty they deserve. I will never break someone's heart with lies. I will appear to be the person I truly am, be they friend, stranger, or foe. So friend, the curtain's closing on you, but opening for me, and instead of a play, I'm sharing my autobiography.
Well, whatever, either way I will be. I like to believe that I can be strong. I like to believe that things can't hurt me as much as they should. So, can I be strong in this moment where it is most needed? In a time where I can lose a friend who I love dearly as a brother? But it hurts. Here I am listening to a break up song when it's not necessary. But it is a good song. "Curtains Closing" by Rhianna...or it's called something like that. I like the lines that go "But you've put on quite a show, really had me going..." and there's more that I like, but at the moment, I don't feel like typing it out because my emotional distraught level just..sky-rocketed? That just means I'm more jittery and more annoyed than I was a few moments ago. I think it's funny. Nothing is as it seems. We what we long to see. We feel what we want to feel and to hell with the rest, right? Well, that was stupid of me. A fatal mistake. I'm only more so annoyed because I KNOW you got my message, but you're not going to respond to me. You'll just ignore it, and next time I see you, you won't acknowledge it. Things will still go on as they are right now. Well, that just sucks. You know what? I miss you, okay? I miss best guy friend #2. I miss the hours we spent laughing at stupidity. I miss the arguements. [Haha, I just realized how well the song, well, certain lines, fit you so well! You deserve a standing ovation for your show!] I miss the moments that you helped me get through stupid things like my shyness, and my inablity to be assertive. I miss that time at the beach where we stared at the water and talked about the future. I miss the times we watched those kids. I miss the times where we got along so well that it seemed too good to be true. Haha. I am a prophet, huh? I miss being the first people you told stuff to. I miss who I thought you were. What I don't understand is why do I get the act? Why don't I deserve the real you? Am I too much of a simpleton for you? Does it embarrass you to have a friend like me? Imperfect compared to all the other people that you are "close" to. Those who are always ready to look good whatever the time. Now I know I'm just going insane and crying over nothing, but at the moment, there is no worse pain that knowing you're losing a friend. I wish I could ignore you for as long as I plan to, but I know. I know you're going to disarm me with a smile. You're going to hug me. I'm going to break. Hmm, maybe that's why you don't like me that much. Right? *deep breath* Okay. "No one can make me feel inferior without my consent". That includes you. Well, if anything new comes out of this, I'm going to hold my head higher. I can see, now that I'll always have a better heart than you. I'll always give someone the honesty they deserve. I will never break someone's heart with lies. I will appear to be the person I truly am, be they friend, stranger, or foe. So friend, the curtain's closing on you, but opening for me, and instead of a play, I'm sharing my autobiography.
The Absence
It is such a nice day. The sun is out, but it's not very hot, which is good! There is the slightest breeze which makes it better. It's nice spring weather. Good enough to abandon sneakers for flip flops, but still cool enough to keep a warm jacket on.
It started off as a decent day. I went to the dentist which I hate. I have a great fear of those people, but after that I was fine. Tonight I will be having dinner with my brother which I'm glad for! I love going to Carlsbad. That is one beautiful city. Somehow, some way, I am always inspired whenever I'm there. I don't know if it is the reason why I am there or if there is magic in that simple place, but either way, it is wonderous!
What put me in this mood now is my quick-to-change emotions. I suppose that my emotions only change as quickly as they do under certain circumstances. Well then, I happened across one of those circumstances that would make me less than happy. When it comes to situations such as these, I wish I still wrote poetry.
Don't get me wrong, I still love it! I love cadences, rhymes, the way words slip onto paper, off the mouth, from the soul and heart like honey. It's beautiful. I miss the feeling from the pit of my stomach as my mind swirls with kind words and naked truths as I try to describe my feels in a way that states exactly what I long to say but at the same time circles the topic, revealing everything and nothing. I wish I could still do that.
I don't remember when I stopped writing poetry. I suppose my last poem was, well...hmm, I don't know, maybe summer or fall of last year, and for me, that is a looooong time. For me, poetry comes when my emotions are at their most intense peak. When they reach that moment, when everything is out in the open is when I can truly write.
A month or so ago I tried writing a poem to see if I could still do it, but because I was slightly apathetic to it all I left it unfinished. When I re-read it I found that I had simply wrote a piece of rubbish. Stupidity. And, quite frankly, blah-ness. Even as I say that, I feel like taking it all back. What I wrote did not need to be written, for in the end I had written an almost prayer. Things that have been going through my mind for the longest time, but on paper, it was unnecessary.
Yes, I do have an absence of poetry in my life. I miss it. I hate what absence brings. At this moment, I realize that very soon I will be letting go a few other things. Absence for me is like ripping a picture in half. Say there are a group of people in the picture, and then I rip someone out, then there is only an empty space of where that person used to be. That's how it is for the things and people in my life.
I was never meant to say good-bye. I cling to those I love with all my heart, mind, and soul, but for some reason, the most cherished get taken away. At this moment in time, I don't know what to make of that. Hmmmm...
Either way, as I struggle to grow, and learn to say goodbye, I suppose, that, if I must, I will get used to this absence...
It started off as a decent day. I went to the dentist which I hate. I have a great fear of those people, but after that I was fine. Tonight I will be having dinner with my brother which I'm glad for! I love going to Carlsbad. That is one beautiful city. Somehow, some way, I am always inspired whenever I'm there. I don't know if it is the reason why I am there or if there is magic in that simple place, but either way, it is wonderous!
What put me in this mood now is my quick-to-change emotions. I suppose that my emotions only change as quickly as they do under certain circumstances. Well then, I happened across one of those circumstances that would make me less than happy. When it comes to situations such as these, I wish I still wrote poetry.
Don't get me wrong, I still love it! I love cadences, rhymes, the way words slip onto paper, off the mouth, from the soul and heart like honey. It's beautiful. I miss the feeling from the pit of my stomach as my mind swirls with kind words and naked truths as I try to describe my feels in a way that states exactly what I long to say but at the same time circles the topic, revealing everything and nothing. I wish I could still do that.
I don't remember when I stopped writing poetry. I suppose my last poem was, well...hmm, I don't know, maybe summer or fall of last year, and for me, that is a looooong time. For me, poetry comes when my emotions are at their most intense peak. When they reach that moment, when everything is out in the open is when I can truly write.
A month or so ago I tried writing a poem to see if I could still do it, but because I was slightly apathetic to it all I left it unfinished. When I re-read it I found that I had simply wrote a piece of rubbish. Stupidity. And, quite frankly, blah-ness. Even as I say that, I feel like taking it all back. What I wrote did not need to be written, for in the end I had written an almost prayer. Things that have been going through my mind for the longest time, but on paper, it was unnecessary.
Yes, I do have an absence of poetry in my life. I miss it. I hate what absence brings. At this moment, I realize that very soon I will be letting go a few other things. Absence for me is like ripping a picture in half. Say there are a group of people in the picture, and then I rip someone out, then there is only an empty space of where that person used to be. That's how it is for the things and people in my life.
I was never meant to say good-bye. I cling to those I love with all my heart, mind, and soul, but for some reason, the most cherished get taken away. At this moment in time, I don't know what to make of that. Hmmmm...
Either way, as I struggle to grow, and learn to say goodbye, I suppose, that, if I must, I will get used to this absence...
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Yesterday, Today....Tomorrow?
Past.
On Saturday I went to my friend's baby shower. She is a year older than me, and I have known her since I was about 8, I believe. Her baby is due "April 25" or something like that, but it looks like it may come sooner. She's very round! I saw old friends at her party, friends whom I have grown up with, which was a nice surprise. At first I didn't want to stay very long because I was afraid I was going to be out of place. I mean, I left the church, do I have reason to come back? One of them, a girl a year older than me, had gotten married a week ago and she is several months pregnant. She's going to have a girl and the due date is July 12. Her husband, wow it feels weird to say that, is much older than her. He's in his mid-twenties I believe. He seems nice, although he did not say much. They are both weird and they look very good together. I hope it works well for them. I saw a bunch of old faces there too, people from the church I used to go to. They were really surprised to see me and greeted me very kindly. One of the ladies came up to me and spoke to me in Spanish. I smiled at her and replied in Spanish which surprised her. A couple of years ago, although I was in Spanish class and understood much more than I do know, I was too shy to say anything because I was afraid that I would say something wrong. So what I learned that a lot of people are pregnant and I can speak Spanish fairly well. It's kind of amusing in a way. I was talking to my friend who was recently married and she asked me if I had a boyfriend and I said nope and I don't really want one. Which is true. At the present time, I don't want one. I want to focus on school and getting where I want to be. It's weird. I've always been school-oriented, but I remember that a couple years ago, when I was with them, I don't know, I was more intent on getting married. On being taken care of, of having a family. Sure, I still REALLY want that, but I want to be able to support myself until then.
While catching up with everyone I smiled and was surprised and kind of sad as I realised that time goes by so quickly. While there, haha..while there as I listened to everyone, I suddenly thought "I can't wait to go home to tell Dad about everyone!". Then I remember, Dad's not at home, I don't live there anymore, and I can't talk to him anymore, which made me sad and feel stupid for a while.
Present. Today I did childcare with the kids again. It always gives me such joy to be with those kids. We had all boys today...8 in total and they were all great. The lady who worked with today constantly told me that it was such a blessing to watch me with the kids and how I was great with them. She assumed that I was a teacher because I was great with them. I just love kids with a passion. They make me so happy. Since I've started working in the two year old room, it's been several months already, a year in May or June I believe, and I have loved watching the kids grow up.
Cobyn is SO big! He turns two in August, but he's a big boy. He's entered a really friendly stage. When a kid came in who was very shy I told him to go say hi to the kid and he did with a big smile and kindness.
Justus is new to my room, but he is the sweetest thing. He takes my finger and he doesn't let go which warms my heart. He's so kind and gentle-hearted with a ready smile. He loves basketball and loves trying until he makes a basket. Apparently when I left the class to use the restroom quickly he had the saddest face until I came back.
Armando is so cute too. He's a good kid with the biggest dimples. He's very shy at first, but goodness his smile melts my heart.
Abraham understands Spanish much more than he understands English. He really keeps my mind alert, especially because I constantly need to search my mind for the right vocabulary word. He is so energetic and loves to rough-house. Still he is very attached to me.
Ethan has recently left my room and has moved on to the three year old room, but today he decided he wanted to be in my classroom. He is sooo funny. He's my big helper. He likes to help clean up and he's very smart.
The kids are very important to me. They make me so happy. They are the best things ever.
More on "today"...I'm on spring break. I've been assigned Math and Sociology homework. Math will hurt my brain, as always, but I really don't want to give up. I need at least a C and I hope I can do it. Sociology will be a breeze, so I should get to doing that soon. I'm visiting Jaymie at APU and spending the night this week too. That should be exciting. =] Thank God for friends! And kids!
Future.
Friday, Natalie and Jon went with me to visit CSUN. I am almost positive that this is the school I want to go to. It's a beautiful campus and very large. I'm hoping that I get in. I don't know, maybe it was the day that we went, a good day with a great cool breeze, or the opportunity to be introspective, but I fell in love with the school. I didn't walk in and the school didn't "call" me, but I don't know. I am very pleased with this school.
It's so crazy to believe that I'm in college. In reality, I have 5 or 6 years of school left. I'm scared. But excited. This is a crazy ride, life. I still wish I had all the answers. I wish I was as confident as I can sometimes pretend to be. I was I was as sure as I pretend to feel.
I can only pray. I can only let go.
At the same time I realize, it is my time. Here is every chance I ever wanted. Here is the time I can make my dreams come true. Here is the time God can use my greatly, now and forever. Sometimes I feel like it is all one big dream. I'm going through life kind of dazed. Some moments are more memorable than others. Some days I'm more happy to be alive than any other days. Although I prefer to watch the world, I know that it is time again for me to join the parade. So...
Am I here?
Here I am.
On Saturday I went to my friend's baby shower. She is a year older than me, and I have known her since I was about 8, I believe. Her baby is due "April 25" or something like that, but it looks like it may come sooner. She's very round! I saw old friends at her party, friends whom I have grown up with, which was a nice surprise. At first I didn't want to stay very long because I was afraid I was going to be out of place. I mean, I left the church, do I have reason to come back? One of them, a girl a year older than me, had gotten married a week ago and she is several months pregnant. She's going to have a girl and the due date is July 12. Her husband, wow it feels weird to say that, is much older than her. He's in his mid-twenties I believe. He seems nice, although he did not say much. They are both weird and they look very good together. I hope it works well for them. I saw a bunch of old faces there too, people from the church I used to go to. They were really surprised to see me and greeted me very kindly. One of the ladies came up to me and spoke to me in Spanish. I smiled at her and replied in Spanish which surprised her. A couple of years ago, although I was in Spanish class and understood much more than I do know, I was too shy to say anything because I was afraid that I would say something wrong. So what I learned that a lot of people are pregnant and I can speak Spanish fairly well. It's kind of amusing in a way. I was talking to my friend who was recently married and she asked me if I had a boyfriend and I said nope and I don't really want one. Which is true. At the present time, I don't want one. I want to focus on school and getting where I want to be. It's weird. I've always been school-oriented, but I remember that a couple years ago, when I was with them, I don't know, I was more intent on getting married. On being taken care of, of having a family. Sure, I still REALLY want that, but I want to be able to support myself until then.
While catching up with everyone I smiled and was surprised and kind of sad as I realised that time goes by so quickly. While there, haha..while there as I listened to everyone, I suddenly thought "I can't wait to go home to tell Dad about everyone!". Then I remember, Dad's not at home, I don't live there anymore, and I can't talk to him anymore, which made me sad and feel stupid for a while.
Present. Today I did childcare with the kids again. It always gives me such joy to be with those kids. We had all boys today...8 in total and they were all great. The lady who worked with today constantly told me that it was such a blessing to watch me with the kids and how I was great with them. She assumed that I was a teacher because I was great with them. I just love kids with a passion. They make me so happy. Since I've started working in the two year old room, it's been several months already, a year in May or June I believe, and I have loved watching the kids grow up.
Cobyn is SO big! He turns two in August, but he's a big boy. He's entered a really friendly stage. When a kid came in who was very shy I told him to go say hi to the kid and he did with a big smile and kindness.
Justus is new to my room, but he is the sweetest thing. He takes my finger and he doesn't let go which warms my heart. He's so kind and gentle-hearted with a ready smile. He loves basketball and loves trying until he makes a basket. Apparently when I left the class to use the restroom quickly he had the saddest face until I came back.
Armando is so cute too. He's a good kid with the biggest dimples. He's very shy at first, but goodness his smile melts my heart.
Abraham understands Spanish much more than he understands English. He really keeps my mind alert, especially because I constantly need to search my mind for the right vocabulary word. He is so energetic and loves to rough-house. Still he is very attached to me.
Ethan has recently left my room and has moved on to the three year old room, but today he decided he wanted to be in my classroom. He is sooo funny. He's my big helper. He likes to help clean up and he's very smart.
The kids are very important to me. They make me so happy. They are the best things ever.
More on "today"...I'm on spring break. I've been assigned Math and Sociology homework. Math will hurt my brain, as always, but I really don't want to give up. I need at least a C and I hope I can do it. Sociology will be a breeze, so I should get to doing that soon. I'm visiting Jaymie at APU and spending the night this week too. That should be exciting. =] Thank God for friends! And kids!
Future.
Friday, Natalie and Jon went with me to visit CSUN. I am almost positive that this is the school I want to go to. It's a beautiful campus and very large. I'm hoping that I get in. I don't know, maybe it was the day that we went, a good day with a great cool breeze, or the opportunity to be introspective, but I fell in love with the school. I didn't walk in and the school didn't "call" me, but I don't know. I am very pleased with this school.
It's so crazy to believe that I'm in college. In reality, I have 5 or 6 years of school left. I'm scared. But excited. This is a crazy ride, life. I still wish I had all the answers. I wish I was as confident as I can sometimes pretend to be. I was I was as sure as I pretend to feel.
I can only pray. I can only let go.
At the same time I realize, it is my time. Here is every chance I ever wanted. Here is the time I can make my dreams come true. Here is the time God can use my greatly, now and forever. Sometimes I feel like it is all one big dream. I'm going through life kind of dazed. Some moments are more memorable than others. Some days I'm more happy to be alive than any other days. Although I prefer to watch the world, I know that it is time again for me to join the parade. So...
Am I here?
Here I am.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
If I were a boy...
Well I just got finished writing my new short story Too Good to be true. It is from a boy's, Hadrien's, point of view. At this point in time, I don't know how I like the story. I think I like the ending, but I don't know if my thoughts and ideas were as clear as I wanted them to be. I also know that I need to majorly edit the story that I've printed out (in green ink!). On paper I see things better than on the computer. Also, I started off writing in one tense and ended in another so I need to change that. I think I'm going for past tense.
If I were a boy, or if a boy were to read this, I wonder what they would think. I mean, I try to get into the character's role, my characters' role especially, and try to "be them". I try to be who I made, think how they would think, and then write what I think they would do. I noticed that when I write boy characters they are horribly flawed or they are very unemotional or too emotional. I don't know why. Maybe it's because when I give the guys their flaws, I can relate to them somehow which makes it easier for me to write...I should try to break that habit.
So, I think, if I were a boy....I would be horribly offended by myself for thinking boys thought like this..alas...I am simply a girl...
oh well. Off to watch "Son in law"! It was filmed at CSUN so that's fuuunnn....=DD
If I were a boy, or if a boy were to read this, I wonder what they would think. I mean, I try to get into the character's role, my characters' role especially, and try to "be them". I try to be who I made, think how they would think, and then write what I think they would do. I noticed that when I write boy characters they are horribly flawed or they are very unemotional or too emotional. I don't know why. Maybe it's because when I give the guys their flaws, I can relate to them somehow which makes it easier for me to write...I should try to break that habit.
So, I think, if I were a boy....I would be horribly offended by myself for thinking boys thought like this..alas...I am simply a girl...
oh well. Off to watch "Son in law"! It was filmed at CSUN so that's fuuunnn....=DD
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Mind Detoxification
So I decided to be nice to my brain and let loose some of the excess thoughts floating around so it can breathe. Who says I'm not good to my body?! :D Anyway, so this is pretty much a jumble of thoughts that have been floating around in my mind for some time. I wish I could write this all out in my journal, but I really don't feel like it. For me, cursive is very natural and do you know how long it would take for me to write all of this in cursive?! Gah! I don't even want to think about it! To make up for it, I get a 4 day weekend (well 3...Sundays are always very busy for me), so I'm allowed to take a little break. :)
First off, I've been thinking about missionss, curbs and parades, and time since the speaker came to our church on missions Sunday. I really enjoyed what he had to say. I think the funny thing is, apparently the mike turned off when he was speaking and it never turned back on. I wonder if anyone had trouble hearing him. Personally, I heard him loud and clear, and I think that's a God thing. =] Anyway, so he started talking about missions and such. It really got me thinking (as many other things do). I've always wanted to go on a mission...well, I wanted to be a missionary in middle school, and then after that I just had the strongest desires to see the world, to help people which is why I considered the Peace Corps for a while in sophomore year. Now, I still want to go on a mission trip. I signed up for the Mexico day-trip which I think will be a good start. As for now, all I can do is pray on it. I know that if I am to go on mission trips that are longer than a day, I'm going to need some serious humbling. I mean, I think I will be able to handle the missions, but I just need to clean my heart a bit more, if that's the term I'm going for. Now that I think about it, realized that I've been a bit selfish in my thinking. I believe that the best time for me to go on a Mission trip would be now, before I get my Master's degree, because I believe once I get my Bachelor's, after that, I won't have time to do much of anything except study for my Master's. In a way that's kind of selfish, I'm pretty much telling God "use me now or never"! I'm not trusting His time. He does things on HIS time not mine. Everything will work out in the end.
Next, school. Auuuggggh! Math is stressing me out to no end! I have a really bad grade, but I refuse to drop because I want out of Palomar as soon as possible. I'm transfering. I just need at least a C in math and I'm good. I really need help in that class though so I'm asking friends. My problem is that I hate asking friends for help. I know I have a few math-genius friends who are willing to help me, but the point is I get afraid to ask. I don't want to seem stupid. When it comes to math, I am in fact, stupid. Graphing might as well be another foreign language that I can't seem to figure out. I mean, I know I am good at other subjects. Some sjubjects I don't even have to study and I'll get an A no matter what because that's who I am....Spanish is a class that I have to study for if I want to pass, but it's no where near as difficult as math. Jaymie says she's willing to help me and I hope she can. When someone teaches me math, the best approach to teaching me that atrocious subject is to pretend they are teaching a toddler. They would reaaaaalllly need to dumb it down. =[
I plan on taking summer classes, Speech and Statistics through Sociology. So far, the classes I am interested are Monday-Thursday which is kind of annoying, but I'll take it. I get out of school at 1 so that means I'll have plenty of time for a job! Hopefully if I get a job, I will still have time for friends and fun this summer...
Still going with school....I don't even know where I want to transfer to after Palomar! I'm visiting CSUN with Jon and Natalie on the 19th and that's kind of my first choice school at the moment. After that I am considering Fullerton and also San Jose State. OF these 3 schools, none are really calling to me. I don't even think I want to go to Fullerton...I don't even know why I am considering it. I think I really wanted to go there for a little while, but now I feel apathetic to it. I kinda wish I had a "dream" school, like Jaymie is with Azusa, like Jakob is with NYU, and like Sandra (in my Philosophy) class is with Fullerton. Somehow if I had that, maybe the choice would be easier. I still know what I want to do, Social Work, but where I'm getting it is still a mystery. I start applying in October which I would like to think is very far away, but in reality, it isn't. *sigh*. Again, trusting God with life!
I've gained more weight. =[ Bah. No bueno. It is because I'm not moving around as much as I usually do...not that I was a gym rat in the past. I did dance and that kept me a stable weight if anything. Now that I'm not doing much the pounds are packing on. Gah, I really need to start walking or doing some other form of excercise. Anything that keeps me moving and on the go! I try to make my mind take light of the weight gain situation, but I just can't. I hate knowing that I'm getting fatter. It scares me. It scares me in shallow ways as well as deeper ways. My mind wants to automatically go back to no eating until the scale says I'm 5 pounds less, but I know that's not good because I won't stop at 5 pounds. To this day I know that something in me internally is..."broken". I threw something off whack with my whole "no food" thing, and for that I will pay for a very long time. Goodness. =[
Also, I've been thinking about personality. It is said that once a person reaches some time in their 20's their personality pretty much doesn't change. I wonder if that's true. To some extent I know it is. I wonder if I will change. I still think I have room to mature, but right now, I don't know. I hope I mature, I don't like the idea of staying with my mentality forever. If I can change myself, I hope I can gain back the maturity I was known for. I would like to stay child-like in a way that means I will always be a learner and that I won't have "prejudice filters". I want to see people for who they really are, regardless of shape, size, color, religion, gender, whatever. I don't want to judge. I'm getting more into the arts and I hope that's something that continues to grow. I hope my love for beauty in the natural world continues to grow. I hope that I will always be flexible. I hope my gentleness can extend to everyone instead of stretching to just children and the person I'm sweet on at the time. I hope my love never ceases. I hope that I can simply impersonate a butterfly...beauty, gentle....God's beautiful creation.
I have a story idea floating in my mind, but I don't know what to do with it. It's a magical realism/fantasy idea. It's based on Plato's theory of the soul. Also, this is a real story I think, not a short story that will sustain me for a while. I hope to go somewhere with this!
Well, my brain feels a bit lighter! It feels really nice to get all these thoughts out on.....inter-space? I know that in a few minutes they'll all come back though...oh well...at least I'm free for now! :DD
First off, I've been thinking about missionss, curbs and parades, and time since the speaker came to our church on missions Sunday. I really enjoyed what he had to say. I think the funny thing is, apparently the mike turned off when he was speaking and it never turned back on. I wonder if anyone had trouble hearing him. Personally, I heard him loud and clear, and I think that's a God thing. =] Anyway, so he started talking about missions and such. It really got me thinking (as many other things do). I've always wanted to go on a mission...well, I wanted to be a missionary in middle school, and then after that I just had the strongest desires to see the world, to help people which is why I considered the Peace Corps for a while in sophomore year. Now, I still want to go on a mission trip. I signed up for the Mexico day-trip which I think will be a good start. As for now, all I can do is pray on it. I know that if I am to go on mission trips that are longer than a day, I'm going to need some serious humbling. I mean, I think I will be able to handle the missions, but I just need to clean my heart a bit more, if that's the term I'm going for. Now that I think about it, realized that I've been a bit selfish in my thinking. I believe that the best time for me to go on a Mission trip would be now, before I get my Master's degree, because I believe once I get my Bachelor's, after that, I won't have time to do much of anything except study for my Master's. In a way that's kind of selfish, I'm pretty much telling God "use me now or never"! I'm not trusting His time. He does things on HIS time not mine. Everything will work out in the end.
Next, school. Auuuggggh! Math is stressing me out to no end! I have a really bad grade, but I refuse to drop because I want out of Palomar as soon as possible. I'm transfering. I just need at least a C in math and I'm good. I really need help in that class though so I'm asking friends. My problem is that I hate asking friends for help. I know I have a few math-genius friends who are willing to help me, but the point is I get afraid to ask. I don't want to seem stupid. When it comes to math, I am in fact, stupid. Graphing might as well be another foreign language that I can't seem to figure out. I mean, I know I am good at other subjects. Some sjubjects I don't even have to study and I'll get an A no matter what because that's who I am....Spanish is a class that I have to study for if I want to pass, but it's no where near as difficult as math. Jaymie says she's willing to help me and I hope she can. When someone teaches me math, the best approach to teaching me that atrocious subject is to pretend they are teaching a toddler. They would reaaaaalllly need to dumb it down. =[
I plan on taking summer classes, Speech and Statistics through Sociology. So far, the classes I am interested are Monday-Thursday which is kind of annoying, but I'll take it. I get out of school at 1 so that means I'll have plenty of time for a job! Hopefully if I get a job, I will still have time for friends and fun this summer...
Still going with school....I don't even know where I want to transfer to after Palomar! I'm visiting CSUN with Jon and Natalie on the 19th and that's kind of my first choice school at the moment. After that I am considering Fullerton and also San Jose State. OF these 3 schools, none are really calling to me. I don't even think I want to go to Fullerton...I don't even know why I am considering it. I think I really wanted to go there for a little while, but now I feel apathetic to it. I kinda wish I had a "dream" school, like Jaymie is with Azusa, like Jakob is with NYU, and like Sandra (in my Philosophy) class is with Fullerton. Somehow if I had that, maybe the choice would be easier. I still know what I want to do, Social Work, but where I'm getting it is still a mystery. I start applying in October which I would like to think is very far away, but in reality, it isn't. *sigh*. Again, trusting God with life!
I've gained more weight. =[ Bah. No bueno. It is because I'm not moving around as much as I usually do...not that I was a gym rat in the past. I did dance and that kept me a stable weight if anything. Now that I'm not doing much the pounds are packing on. Gah, I really need to start walking or doing some other form of excercise. Anything that keeps me moving and on the go! I try to make my mind take light of the weight gain situation, but I just can't. I hate knowing that I'm getting fatter. It scares me. It scares me in shallow ways as well as deeper ways. My mind wants to automatically go back to no eating until the scale says I'm 5 pounds less, but I know that's not good because I won't stop at 5 pounds. To this day I know that something in me internally is..."broken". I threw something off whack with my whole "no food" thing, and for that I will pay for a very long time. Goodness. =[
Also, I've been thinking about personality. It is said that once a person reaches some time in their 20's their personality pretty much doesn't change. I wonder if that's true. To some extent I know it is. I wonder if I will change. I still think I have room to mature, but right now, I don't know. I hope I mature, I don't like the idea of staying with my mentality forever. If I can change myself, I hope I can gain back the maturity I was known for. I would like to stay child-like in a way that means I will always be a learner and that I won't have "prejudice filters". I want to see people for who they really are, regardless of shape, size, color, religion, gender, whatever. I don't want to judge. I'm getting more into the arts and I hope that's something that continues to grow. I hope my love for beauty in the natural world continues to grow. I hope that I will always be flexible. I hope my gentleness can extend to everyone instead of stretching to just children and the person I'm sweet on at the time. I hope my love never ceases. I hope that I can simply impersonate a butterfly...beauty, gentle....God's beautiful creation.
I have a story idea floating in my mind, but I don't know what to do with it. It's a magical realism/fantasy idea. It's based on Plato's theory of the soul. Also, this is a real story I think, not a short story that will sustain me for a while. I hope to go somewhere with this!
Well, my brain feels a bit lighter! It feels really nice to get all these thoughts out on.....inter-space? I know that in a few minutes they'll all come back though...oh well...at least I'm free for now! :DD
Saturday, March 6, 2010
"Crusader" by Edward Bloor. A Bookreview.
When reading Crusader, I read it when a different though in mind. I read from a sociological/psychological point of view. In this book, Roberta Ritter, a shy and plain girl, deals with hate crimes in the mall she works at (her family's vitrual reality arcade) as well as deals with her mother's unsolved murder that took place 7 years ago.
While reading this novel I tried to understand everyone's perspective in this book. I tried to understand why Kristin felt the need to be a terrible person to the boys. Why Roberta seemed emotionless at times, and countless other "whys" that the characters and situations showed.
Crusader was a decent book to read. It is qute lengthy and it is a story that has a realistic theme.
Recommended for those who have time.
While reading this novel I tried to understand everyone's perspective in this book. I tried to understand why Kristin felt the need to be a terrible person to the boys. Why Roberta seemed emotionless at times, and countless other "whys" that the characters and situations showed.
Crusader was a decent book to read. It is qute lengthy and it is a story that has a realistic theme.
Recommended for those who have time.
Monday, March 1, 2010
"Wish You Well" by David Baldacci. A Bookreview.
Wish You Well was given to me by a friend for Christmas, and I have just now finished it, after reading it for a week or less. When I first god this book I judged it by the inside flap; I didn't think it looked very interesting. After reading a few books since Christmas and remembering I promised myself I would read this novel, I quickly fell in love with it.
This novel by David Baldacci has indeed become one of my favorites. It is sooo good. It is a story that takes me in Virginia in the mountainous region in the 1940's. After a car-crash leaves Lou and Oz without a father and a mother who is in a coma, brother and sister go to live their life with their great-grandmother in the land where their father grew up but never returned to. Here is where the children do their most growing and meet friends and foes that captivate readers from start to finish.
The characters in Wish You Well are beautiful and very believable. They are "real" in a sense that they aren't indestructible nor emotionless. They are your average, but extraordinary characters that one can imagine having a conversation with or passing in the street. With beautiful child-like faith and dialogue that greatly augmented to the characters of the book. Baldacci also used the right amount of imagery to allow his readers to easily imagine life on these mountains as we follow Lou and Oz on their adventure.
What I really enjoyed about this book is the ending. I don't want to give too much away, but I think it ended perfectly. Almost how life would end, but there are fictional moments in it.
I would recommend this book to someone who's looking for something to read that is not a love story for once, for people who love coming of age tales, and for those that love stories that warm the heart. :]
This novel by David Baldacci has indeed become one of my favorites. It is sooo good. It is a story that takes me in Virginia in the mountainous region in the 1940's. After a car-crash leaves Lou and Oz without a father and a mother who is in a coma, brother and sister go to live their life with their great-grandmother in the land where their father grew up but never returned to. Here is where the children do their most growing and meet friends and foes that captivate readers from start to finish.
The characters in Wish You Well are beautiful and very believable. They are "real" in a sense that they aren't indestructible nor emotionless. They are your average, but extraordinary characters that one can imagine having a conversation with or passing in the street. With beautiful child-like faith and dialogue that greatly augmented to the characters of the book. Baldacci also used the right amount of imagery to allow his readers to easily imagine life on these mountains as we follow Lou and Oz on their adventure.
What I really enjoyed about this book is the ending. I don't want to give too much away, but I think it ended perfectly. Almost how life would end, but there are fictional moments in it.
I would recommend this book to someone who's looking for something to read that is not a love story for once, for people who love coming of age tales, and for those that love stories that warm the heart. :]
Friday, February 26, 2010
C'est La Vie
Today was very unproductive for me. If anything, I did some laundry, so that has to count for something, right? That means I stepped foot outside! Well no, it doesn't count and yes I am very ashamed for not going outside and moving around. Baaaah, I fail. Tomorrow is dedicated to homework. I think I will do Spanish homework fist, just to get those 9 pages (so gross!) out of the way. Then I will do mymath homework and then I will check blackboard to see if I have homework in my other classes. If I do, I'll do that. Then after that I will read the Spanish story, answer the questions, study math, and hopefully read. :DD Yay, here's hoping that I actually get that done! :DD
Today I looked through the movie on mem.com about my papa. It is just a slide show of a few pictures with him in them and the family. Some really old from his Marine Corps days, and others that were taken in the last couple of years of his life. I noticed that my sister had added more pictures to the movie. Just seeing all the pictures and thinking through the years, I started to cry.
I can't remember the last time I legitamately cried because my heart or something was hurting. Even crying over a guy or something. I can't remember the last time tears actually spilled. Hmm, odd. Usually I am pretty sensitive, I could cry over the smallest things, but I guess that's not happening now.
That's weird though. I didn't notice when that happened. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I suppose it is a good thing that I stopped crying, but I don't want to be desensitized to life.
Hmmm. C'est la vie.
Today I looked through the movie on mem.com about my papa. It is just a slide show of a few pictures with him in them and the family. Some really old from his Marine Corps days, and others that were taken in the last couple of years of his life. I noticed that my sister had added more pictures to the movie. Just seeing all the pictures and thinking through the years, I started to cry.
I can't remember the last time I legitamately cried because my heart or something was hurting. Even crying over a guy or something. I can't remember the last time tears actually spilled. Hmm, odd. Usually I am pretty sensitive, I could cry over the smallest things, but I guess that's not happening now.
That's weird though. I didn't notice when that happened. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I suppose it is a good thing that I stopped crying, but I don't want to be desensitized to life.
Hmmm. C'est la vie.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
"Envy" by Anna Godberson. A bookreview.
Yesterday I finished the third book in one of my favorite series: "The Luxe" series. Altogether it takes place in 1899-1901 and it follows the story of high society teens and the scandals and rumours that surround them. After finishing Envy, I did indeed find myself quite envious. Sometimes I think it would be really fun to travel back to this time frame and live this life....
Anyway, in the third installment of Godberson's series, the dreama continues between Henry, Diana, and Penelope, and something shocking happens to each of them which completely change thier lives. I can't wait until I read the fourth and final book Splendor!
So far, I think my favorite characters are either of the Holland sisters (Elizabeth because she tries to be good to all and puts her family first and Diana because she is a free-spirit is is, above all else, true to herself), and Teddy Cutting because he is the only true gentleman in the novel that has been described so far.
I really enjoy Godberson's imagery of places, dresses, and situations. I find it so fascinating and interesting that I just can't stop reading until the book is completely finished. I would definitely recommend this book! :DD
Anyway, in the third installment of Godberson's series, the dreama continues between Henry, Diana, and Penelope, and something shocking happens to each of them which completely change thier lives. I can't wait until I read the fourth and final book Splendor!
So far, I think my favorite characters are either of the Holland sisters (Elizabeth because she tries to be good to all and puts her family first and Diana because she is a free-spirit is is, above all else, true to herself), and Teddy Cutting because he is the only true gentleman in the novel that has been described so far.
I really enjoy Godberson's imagery of places, dresses, and situations. I find it so fascinating and interesting that I just can't stop reading until the book is completely finished. I would definitely recommend this book! :DD
Monday, February 22, 2010
Just Watch My Wildest Dreams Come True...
....not one of them involving you.
You. This is probably long overdue, over-done, over-stated, over-thought, over-everything, but I'm going to say it one more time and mean it with all that I am to the best of my ability. I want you to watch every dream I have come true. I want you to see that I chose good, and you. Well, I don't know what to say. You chose hatred and anger. I can say that I am truly sorry for the trials in life you have faced and will still face, especially since you live too deeply into things that may or may not last (mostly the latter) in your opinion. I am sorry I could not prove that wrong. But there is a reason things went the way they did. Now it is time to let your ghost rest in peace. It is now time to give up the nostalgia that's been holding me back and finally move on. You taught me a lot. You became a heavy influence on what I believe when it comes to true friendship and real love. So here's to letting go of the past that haunted many things in "my" today. I can only hope that you have a great life. That eventually you stop living for yourself and you see that there is something--someone bigger out there. And like our song went, "when one door opens to another door closed, I hope you keep on going until you find the window". Good luck.
And to you. Mostly to you. This is probably the hardest part. Letting go of...this feeling that I've kept for so long. I don't quite know exactly how I'm going to do it, when it's going to really happen, or how it will work. I do know that it needs to end. My dreams need to come true...without you. I suppose my dream can still be what I desired if I had you, but they cannot be you anymore. That limits me, stunts me, makes me a spiritual, emotional, social, atrophy. I still want to be around you. I'll still be around you because that's what I'll do as a friend. I can't do this jealousy anymore. I can't do this sadness anymore. Somehow, if my dreams are supposed to include you then I don't know there is so much pain behind it. So for now, I want you to watch my wildest dreams come true, not one of them involving you (it's so hard to stand by this conviction because my heart is still screaming that maybe God wants you, but baaah! This only makes me much more detmermined)...
Good luck. God bless. I love you.
You. This is probably long overdue, over-done, over-stated, over-thought, over-everything, but I'm going to say it one more time and mean it with all that I am to the best of my ability. I want you to watch every dream I have come true. I want you to see that I chose good, and you. Well, I don't know what to say. You chose hatred and anger. I can say that I am truly sorry for the trials in life you have faced and will still face, especially since you live too deeply into things that may or may not last (mostly the latter) in your opinion. I am sorry I could not prove that wrong. But there is a reason things went the way they did. Now it is time to let your ghost rest in peace. It is now time to give up the nostalgia that's been holding me back and finally move on. You taught me a lot. You became a heavy influence on what I believe when it comes to true friendship and real love. So here's to letting go of the past that haunted many things in "my" today. I can only hope that you have a great life. That eventually you stop living for yourself and you see that there is something--someone bigger out there. And like our song went, "when one door opens to another door closed, I hope you keep on going until you find the window". Good luck.
And to you. Mostly to you. This is probably the hardest part. Letting go of...this feeling that I've kept for so long. I don't quite know exactly how I'm going to do it, when it's going to really happen, or how it will work. I do know that it needs to end. My dreams need to come true...without you. I suppose my dream can still be what I desired if I had you, but they cannot be you anymore. That limits me, stunts me, makes me a spiritual, emotional, social, atrophy. I still want to be around you. I'll still be around you because that's what I'll do as a friend. I can't do this jealousy anymore. I can't do this sadness anymore. Somehow, if my dreams are supposed to include you then I don't know there is so much pain behind it. So for now, I want you to watch my wildest dreams come true, not one of them involving you (it's so hard to stand by this conviction because my heart is still screaming that maybe God wants you, but baaah! This only makes me much more detmermined)...
Good luck. God bless. I love you.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Dear Serena Robles, below are your Personality Tests result:
Who is your true self: You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.
Your view on yourself:
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : You are down-to-earth
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : People like you because you are so straightforward
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking:
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : You are a true romantic
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : When you are in love
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : You will do anything
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : Everything to keep your love true
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person
The seriousness of your love:
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : So you will find yourself with plenty of dates
Your views on education:
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : Education is very important in life
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : You want to study hard
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : Learn as much as you can
The right job for you:
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : You're a practical person
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : Will choose a secure job with a steady income
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : Knowing what you like to do is important
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : Find a regular job doing just that
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : You'll be set for life
How do you view success:
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : You are afraid of failure
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : Scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous
What are you most afraid of:
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : You are concerned about your image
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : The way others see you
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : It's time for you to believe in who you are
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : Not what you wear
Who is your true self: You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.
Your view on yourself:
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : You are down-to-earth
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : People like you because you are so straightforward
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking:
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : You are a true romantic
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : When you are in love
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : You will do anything
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : Everything to keep your love true
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person
The seriousness of your love:
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : So you will find yourself with plenty of dates
Your views on education:
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : Education is very important in life
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : You want to study hard
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : Learn as much as you can
The right job for you:
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : You're a practical person
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : Will choose a secure job with a steady income
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : Knowing what you like to do is important
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : Find a regular job doing just that
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : You'll be set for life
How do you view success:
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : You are afraid of failure
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : Scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous
What are you most afraid of:
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : You are concerned about your image
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : The way others see you
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : It's time for you to believe in who you are
Ƹ̵̡Óœ̵̨̄Æ· : Not what you wear
Saturday, February 20, 2010
"Dark Visions" by L.J. Smith. A book review.
My favorite thing about reading books by L.J. Smith is probably the fact that her books were mostly written in the late 1980's and 1990's--Before all the Twilight hype. When reading her books I remember that her vampires came first, and when I read something that I've read in Twilight I begin to wonder if Stephenie Meyer read these books too...
ANYWAY!
Dark Visions by L.J. Smith is a book that has three books in one. They consist of The Strange Power, The Possessed, and The Passion. In these books there is a group of 5 psychics, 2 girls and 3 boys, who are learning the extent of their abilities by attending an institute. The Institute turns out to be evil and after they learn the true intentions of the diabolical Mr. Zetes, they look to bringing him and his evil forces down.
Of course there is also a love story when the main character Kaitlin, must choose between the healer Rob, and the telepath Gabriel.
I thought the book/series was pretty good...but it is what it is, a teen novel.
I would recommend it for light reading and for those who enjoy teen novels, and psychics! (:
ANYWAY!
Dark Visions by L.J. Smith is a book that has three books in one. They consist of The Strange Power, The Possessed, and The Passion. In these books there is a group of 5 psychics, 2 girls and 3 boys, who are learning the extent of their abilities by attending an institute. The Institute turns out to be evil and after they learn the true intentions of the diabolical Mr. Zetes, they look to bringing him and his evil forces down.
Of course there is also a love story when the main character Kaitlin, must choose between the healer Rob, and the telepath Gabriel.
I thought the book/series was pretty good...but it is what it is, a teen novel.
I would recommend it for light reading and for those who enjoy teen novels, and psychics! (:
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
I Used to be a Damsel in Distress...
I thought I'd open with this little tidbit of my past life:
"Like my last journal entry, I fell again, so to speak. In my own way I think I suffered another mental break down. For the longest time I couldn't cry-normally I cry to get everything out-so everything was basically bottled. As I lied down to sleep last night I was finally able to cry, not as much as i would like, but enough to get me through for now.
I've come to a realization over the past week of my sadness. Peopl screw you over. Caring is only a word, there is no such thing as a genuine person. Everyone is fake- including me. People either act emo to be all cool, or people either wear masks to hide pain. If people don't fall in that category then they still have some plastic thing about them.
Yeah..That's what I learned.
But even at this moment I'm still upset over the thing that causes me the most pain. I came out with what causes me the most pain, but the person just brushed me away. If that helps them heal, then fine. That's my wish for them..to heal.."
I found this journal entry on an old website I used to haunt (I did not edit anything, thus, there are many mistakes in it.), and it kind of....I don't know what it makes me feel. I was in my Sophomore year when I typed that entry up. So as I look back on it, I suppose I find it amusing because, well, holy crap, I was an emo child! It saddens me because the words I said are so...empty. I can almost sense the lack of life in it. I also feel...unattached from the writing. I mean, it wasn't me. If I close my eyes, I can almost remember writing that, pouring my heart into that, but it doesn't feel like me.
Looking back on this journal entry, I cannot believe how much I have changed since I was 15, 3, almost 4 years ago!
I never truly believed I have changed that much. Yes, I know that I am different from who I used to be, but I suppose, because I did not have hard evidence, I did not understand the gravity of my change.
I owe all of that to God!
Looking at that old journal entry, I think I have an idea as to what I was talking about, but I don't really know, at the same time. I have an obvious answer, an old friend from the past, but at the same time, I don't believe that it was her. I think it was another friend, another situation, I don't know.
Again, wow.
After seeing that old post, it makes me think....have I grown up? Have I matured? I strongly believe that at that age, because I was taking care of my dad, I was more mature, more grown-up than I am now. After seeing this, I think it is the other way around. I was extremely immature. I was dumb. In the past 3 years, something happened in my heart, and I grew up.
Heck, as dumb as it sounds, I blossomed.
I am not saying that today, I am an "adult". In many many ways I am still a child. I let stupid crushes make and break my day sometimes, I still play pranks, I get upset over the smallest things, I have my mommy (yes, I still say "mommy" too) cook for me.
In many ways I am still indeed a child.
But at the same time, I've taken giant leaps toward adulthood. Toward growing, toward being a woman of God.
I suppose I thought I was mature back then was because I cooked, I cleaned, I believed emotions were worthless so I made sure I didn't feel them, and I kept them locked and guarded under the heaviest protection imaginable. And when I felt...I felt...nothing good. Nothing admirable.
I suppose however, to tie into my title, I looked for a savior. My mouth said "Jesus was the way", but my heart wanted something more. Under my guise of hatred and depression, I was a damsel locked in a castle.
Today, my heart screams and my mouth sings that "Jesus is the way, the truth and the life". Today, He is more than enough. I'm no longer that girl waiting for someone. My Prince came and I was rescued.
It's amazing to see how fast time has gone. How much of a transformation I went under. I think the best part is seeing how week I used to be. :]
But, I don't regret anything I did then...well, there are some things that make me cringe when I think about it, but in the end. I regret nothing. Everything happened for a reason.
After seeing how low I once was, I know there is no where to go but up, and I will put hope in that comforting thought as I continue to grow...
I've come to a realization over the past week of my sadness. Peopl screw you over. Caring is only a word, there is no such thing as a genuine person. Everyone is fake- including me. People either act emo to be all cool, or people either wear masks to hide pain. If people don't fall in that category then they still have some plastic thing about them.
Yeah..That's what I learned.
But even at this moment I'm still upset over the thing that causes me the most pain. I came out with what causes me the most pain, but the person just brushed me away. If that helps them heal, then fine. That's my wish for them..to heal.."
I found this journal entry on an old website I used to haunt (I did not edit anything, thus, there are many mistakes in it.), and it kind of....I don't know what it makes me feel. I was in my Sophomore year when I typed that entry up. So as I look back on it, I suppose I find it amusing because, well, holy crap, I was an emo child! It saddens me because the words I said are so...empty. I can almost sense the lack of life in it. I also feel...unattached from the writing. I mean, it wasn't me. If I close my eyes, I can almost remember writing that, pouring my heart into that, but it doesn't feel like me.
Looking back on this journal entry, I cannot believe how much I have changed since I was 15, 3, almost 4 years ago!
I never truly believed I have changed that much. Yes, I know that I am different from who I used to be, but I suppose, because I did not have hard evidence, I did not understand the gravity of my change.
I owe all of that to God!
Looking at that old journal entry, I think I have an idea as to what I was talking about, but I don't really know, at the same time. I have an obvious answer, an old friend from the past, but at the same time, I don't believe that it was her. I think it was another friend, another situation, I don't know.
Again, wow.
After seeing that old post, it makes me think....have I grown up? Have I matured? I strongly believe that at that age, because I was taking care of my dad, I was more mature, more grown-up than I am now. After seeing this, I think it is the other way around. I was extremely immature. I was dumb. In the past 3 years, something happened in my heart, and I grew up.
Heck, as dumb as it sounds, I blossomed.
I am not saying that today, I am an "adult". In many many ways I am still a child. I let stupid crushes make and break my day sometimes, I still play pranks, I get upset over the smallest things, I have my mommy (yes, I still say "mommy" too) cook for me.
In many ways I am still indeed a child.
But at the same time, I've taken giant leaps toward adulthood. Toward growing, toward being a woman of God.
I suppose I thought I was mature back then was because I cooked, I cleaned, I believed emotions were worthless so I made sure I didn't feel them, and I kept them locked and guarded under the heaviest protection imaginable. And when I felt...I felt...nothing good. Nothing admirable.
I suppose however, to tie into my title, I looked for a savior. My mouth said "Jesus was the way", but my heart wanted something more. Under my guise of hatred and depression, I was a damsel locked in a castle.
Today, my heart screams and my mouth sings that "Jesus is the way, the truth and the life". Today, He is more than enough. I'm no longer that girl waiting for someone. My Prince came and I was rescued.
It's amazing to see how fast time has gone. How much of a transformation I went under. I think the best part is seeing how week I used to be. :]
But, I don't regret anything I did then...well, there are some things that make me cringe when I think about it, but in the end. I regret nothing. Everything happened for a reason.
After seeing how low I once was, I know there is no where to go but up, and I will put hope in that comforting thought as I continue to grow...
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
"The Van Alen Legacy" by Melissa De La Cruz. A Bookreview.
Yes, it is indeed another vampire series. Instead of sparkling vampires in this one, the vampires are kind of different. One can not be made into a vampire ( I believe), but instead, they are angels. The fallen angels with Lucifer, trying to redeem themslves. They are called blue bloods because I think their blood shines blue, but also because they are born pretty rich!
So, "The Van Alen" legacy is the latest installment of the "Blue Bloods" series. And you know that old saying "oh how the plot thickens"? Well....oh how the plot thickens! Choices are made. Sides are chosen. Mimi shows a softer side, Jack is...Jack, and Shyuler's on the run.
Yep, that's The Van Alen legacy in a nutshell! I wish I could elaborate, but I would give away the plot. All I can say is this: when certain choices are made, it kind of reminds me of history in a way. Over the course of a past few centuries, this book has shown a somewhat accurate portral of teens. Before they would do exactly what parents would say, there would be no question against it. But today, rules are meant to be broken.
And that's what happens in this book! :D
Read it!
So, "The Van Alen" legacy is the latest installment of the "Blue Bloods" series. And you know that old saying "oh how the plot thickens"? Well....oh how the plot thickens! Choices are made. Sides are chosen. Mimi shows a softer side, Jack is...Jack, and Shyuler's on the run.
Yep, that's The Van Alen legacy in a nutshell! I wish I could elaborate, but I would give away the plot. All I can say is this: when certain choices are made, it kind of reminds me of history in a way. Over the course of a past few centuries, this book has shown a somewhat accurate portral of teens. Before they would do exactly what parents would say, there would be no question against it. But today, rules are meant to be broken.
And that's what happens in this book! :D
Read it!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Culture.
When I think about culture, I automatically thing diversity. For some odd reason, I picture cobble-stoned streets and a mixture of tall skyscrapers, like those found in San Diego or New York, and I picture old white buildings that would belong to a foreign country. I picture this street teeming with people of all different races; I see myself, a single spectator, drinking it all in. With all the people and their different ethnicities, I imagine hundreds of different colors because it happens to be a street fair. There are pretty women young and old with flowing skirts dancing with the widest grins and men in a different group, supplying the rhythm for which they will dance to. I smell ethnic specialties as some man grills and others sell refreshing drinks. Younger children are dancing around the circle of performers, imitating to the best of their abilities, or they are playing random childhood games like hop-scotch and marbles. When I picture culture, I see the world unified in one area. No fighting, no wars, no politics. Just a bunch of people having a good time, enjoying each other's company.
Idealistic much?
Culture is such an amazing thing. Everything about it, language, foods, religions, even the technology. It is amazing to think of how diverse we are!
After that introduction, I kind of have a topic on my mind that kind of ties into culture.
The fashion culture!
Today, there was a girl in my class, who, goodness, she should have just stripped down to her underwear by the way she was dressed. She was wearing a suuuuper low-cut shirt (muuuch lower than I go, and I can go pretty low sometimes) with her bra peeking from the top. Also, she bent down and bah!, don't wanna go there! When I see others dressed like that it makes me wonder. If they are so keen on exposing their bodies, would it not be better to just save their money and instead of buying these clothes just walk around in their underwear? Really. -.- She is only one example. The western fashion culture is pretty scandalous as compared to other societies. Here, it is (almost, depending on who you are) perfectly acceptable to where a suuuper short skirt with butt cheeks hanging out, or if you're a guy to wear suuuper baggy jeans with boxers hanging out....what is it with the obsession for showing one's butt?! Gah! Anyway, western outfits are pretty racy as compared, say to that of women in Saudi Arabia.
In some Middle Easter countries, the women must be completely covered from head to toe, that can even include their face, save the eyes! That's crazy to think about, but for other cultures, that is the norm. Wow.
Not only that, think about education in countries. In North America, we apply for colleges in Senior year of high school. In Japan, they apply to high schools that are just as competitive as colleges would be. Here in North America, the education system doesn't really stress a certain learning material, we have favorite subjects and we tend to excel at those. In Russia, the children are amazing at math and science (something I heard that North America was lagging in).
It is an amazing concept to think of my own culture that I have grown up in and compare myself to someone my age in another country. If I was born in another country, I could have been married by now (married for a few years, actually), with kids and I could be illiterate. Long covering clothing could be my norm, and having my hair down in public would be unacceptable. I could be highly competitive in a school full of geniuses because that it was I was born into.
Wow.
What a shocking thought.
Idealistic much?
Culture is such an amazing thing. Everything about it, language, foods, religions, even the technology. It is amazing to think of how diverse we are!
After that introduction, I kind of have a topic on my mind that kind of ties into culture.
The fashion culture!
Today, there was a girl in my class, who, goodness, she should have just stripped down to her underwear by the way she was dressed. She was wearing a suuuuper low-cut shirt (muuuch lower than I go, and I can go pretty low sometimes) with her bra peeking from the top. Also, she bent down and bah!, don't wanna go there! When I see others dressed like that it makes me wonder. If they are so keen on exposing their bodies, would it not be better to just save their money and instead of buying these clothes just walk around in their underwear? Really. -.- She is only one example. The western fashion culture is pretty scandalous as compared to other societies. Here, it is (almost, depending on who you are) perfectly acceptable to where a suuuper short skirt with butt cheeks hanging out, or if you're a guy to wear suuuper baggy jeans with boxers hanging out....what is it with the obsession for showing one's butt?! Gah! Anyway, western outfits are pretty racy as compared, say to that of women in Saudi Arabia.
In some Middle Easter countries, the women must be completely covered from head to toe, that can even include their face, save the eyes! That's crazy to think about, but for other cultures, that is the norm. Wow.
Not only that, think about education in countries. In North America, we apply for colleges in Senior year of high school. In Japan, they apply to high schools that are just as competitive as colleges would be. Here in North America, the education system doesn't really stress a certain learning material, we have favorite subjects and we tend to excel at those. In Russia, the children are amazing at math and science (something I heard that North America was lagging in).
It is an amazing concept to think of my own culture that I have grown up in and compare myself to someone my age in another country. If I was born in another country, I could have been married by now (married for a few years, actually), with kids and I could be illiterate. Long covering clothing could be my norm, and having my hair down in public would be unacceptable. I could be highly competitive in a school full of geniuses because that it was I was born into.
Wow.
What a shocking thought.
Monday, February 8, 2010
"A Thousand Days in Tuscany" by Marlena De Blasi. A bookreview.
For those who love good, Italina food and beautiful imagery, this is a book to read. De Blasi combines her knowledge of food and a talent for writing to create this beautiful work of art.
"A Thousand Days in Tuscany" is what it promises: a bittersweet adventure. Filled with moments that made me laugh out loud, that made me sad, and that made me smile along with the characters, it was a very good read.
However, this novel is different from the novels I am used to reading. If you are not a fan of imagery, then this is not a book for you. There seems to be less dialogue and more description in this book than most books today. Although I enjoyed reading De Blasi's work of art, it did take me longer than usual to get through and it was harder for me to pay attention than when it comes to other books.
So, I would recommend this book to those who like good food, imagery, and have enough time to truly get engaged in this beautiful tale of Tuscan life. :)
"A Thousand Days in Tuscany" is what it promises: a bittersweet adventure. Filled with moments that made me laugh out loud, that made me sad, and that made me smile along with the characters, it was a very good read.
However, this novel is different from the novels I am used to reading. If you are not a fan of imagery, then this is not a book for you. There seems to be less dialogue and more description in this book than most books today. Although I enjoyed reading De Blasi's work of art, it did take me longer than usual to get through and it was harder for me to pay attention than when it comes to other books.
So, I would recommend this book to those who like good food, imagery, and have enough time to truly get engaged in this beautiful tale of Tuscan life. :)
Friday, February 5, 2010
Selah.
Time stops for no one. It flows and flows. But, for moments like this, selah. Pause. Stop and listen. When I think of the word "selah", a wave of peace crashes over me.
Like a whisper in the wind.
The lightest fabric touch on my skin.
Selah.
I love the way it rolls off my tongue, how sweet it feels to say that word, and it's not even an English word!
Selah.
Just pause.
Stop. Listen.
If I could, I would pause certain moments.
The way the kids' smiles and laughter filled the room as they ran around and had fun.
Selah.
The way the little girl's eyes lit up when I ran around the gym with her.
Selah.
When almost a hundred glowsticks lit up a dark room as music pulsated in the background and more lights bounced off the walls.
Selah.
The sounds of the machines handing out tickets and victorious laughter after hitting the "jackpot".
Selah.
The night rain cool against my body, refreshing me, refreshing the earth.
Selah.
The work of the Lord. Knowing He has shaped every moment, every flower, everything. The colors He had used. For us. Beauty for us. Talents He has given us. All because of a great love for us. Praise be to Him.
Selah.
The way I feel when his eyes meet mine.
Selah.
The quirk of a smile a stranger gives when they are treated with courtesy.
Selah.
A content lull in the conversation between the best of friends.
Selah.
Turning the page of a really good book.
Selah.
Time stops for no one. Oh how I wish it would pause for me at these times so that I may engrave them permanently into my mind without change.
Praise be to God for multitudes of beauty.
Selah.
Pause. Meditate. Stop and listen. Beauty is all around. Don't forget to remember where it comes from.
Like a whisper in the wind.
The lightest fabric touch on my skin.
Selah.
I love the way it rolls off my tongue, how sweet it feels to say that word, and it's not even an English word!
Selah.
Just pause.
Stop. Listen.
If I could, I would pause certain moments.
The way the kids' smiles and laughter filled the room as they ran around and had fun.
Selah.
The way the little girl's eyes lit up when I ran around the gym with her.
Selah.
When almost a hundred glowsticks lit up a dark room as music pulsated in the background and more lights bounced off the walls.
Selah.
The sounds of the machines handing out tickets and victorious laughter after hitting the "jackpot".
Selah.
The night rain cool against my body, refreshing me, refreshing the earth.
Selah.
The work of the Lord. Knowing He has shaped every moment, every flower, everything. The colors He had used. For us. Beauty for us. Talents He has given us. All because of a great love for us. Praise be to Him.
Selah.
The way I feel when his eyes meet mine.
Selah.
The quirk of a smile a stranger gives when they are treated with courtesy.
Selah.
A content lull in the conversation between the best of friends.
Selah.
Turning the page of a really good book.
Selah.
Time stops for no one. Oh how I wish it would pause for me at these times so that I may engrave them permanently into my mind without change.
Praise be to God for multitudes of beauty.
Selah.
Pause. Meditate. Stop and listen. Beauty is all around. Don't forget to remember where it comes from.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
We Can Stay Like This or Go Go Go...
Nostalgia. Such a bitter-sweet emotion. I love the memories behind it. I love replaying moments in my head that I have forgotten and moments that I have treasured. This bitter-sweet feeling is so funny. When remembering things from a couple years' past, it's amusing to think how much I have changed since then. How much my surroundings have changed. I do have the same friends from the past, but my circle is different. I'm not close to those who I used to be close to. When I think of the memories I have of them/with them it makes me smile, but at the same time, it makes me sad.
Looking at pictures always bring a rush of these feelings. Looking through recent pictures of old friends are the real killers. When I look at them I laugh and smile because that is what I see and what I can feel when looking at these photographs, but at the same time, I wasn't there. Had it been two or three years ago, yes I would have been there. I might have been the one taking the picture, or heck, I might be the one in the picture, but today I am simply the viewer.
Along with nostalgia comes a wave of surprise. Oh how time has flown. I always joke that I have regressed in maturity levels since I was sixteen, sure, maybe I have in a way, but I have also matured at the same time. Contradiction? Most likely.
Sticking with the idea of looking at photographs of old friends in present times, I'm so glad to have met them. Everyone I have ever been close to/spent some significant amount of time with has shaped me, changed me, left me with some impression. All the people in my life have been and are building blocks to how I view life today....Well, that really doesn't explain how white-washed I am...but I think that it is mostly because when a Mexican Dad and an Asian Mommy make a chex mix child, that child is most likely going to be racially confused. Well...better to be racially confused than genderly or sexually confused! :D But, I hope my point is getting across. I would not change the life I have lived for anything. The mistakes I made, the regrets I have, those are all important too.
Looking at photographs of the past and present, I start to think about the things I have done in life, the things that we important to me. I will admit I went through a stage where appearance meant a lot to me, where for me it was based on who I could pretend to be, rather than who I truly was.
Today is a different story. I am attempting to stay grounded in who I am, who I have become. I hate using the term young woman for some reason. I still believe I am a girl. I don't know when I will transition into this "young woman" or "woman" stage of my life, but I hope I know when I'll get there. I don't even know what makes a woman. O_o No, not periods. Kinda like how what makes a man is his lack of emotions or some other stupid thing like that. If women have to have a stupid thing like that, I don't know what my take of that would be. Hmm, weird.
Point is, I'm ready to go. The bitter-sweet taste of nostalgia is good every now and again, but life does not have a pause button. Life goes on, it stops for no one, one moment blends into another, kind of like colors, and as all the colors of the world unify in a continuous chaotic motion, life will still continue.
As humans, we could "stay like this". We don't have to grow up. We can be completely unbending like a tree that has lived a century or more in a mighty wind. We can do that if we truly desire. Or we can "go go go". We can grow, we can learn.
As for me, I feel that I am most partial to the latter.
:]
Looking at pictures always bring a rush of these feelings. Looking through recent pictures of old friends are the real killers. When I look at them I laugh and smile because that is what I see and what I can feel when looking at these photographs, but at the same time, I wasn't there. Had it been two or three years ago, yes I would have been there. I might have been the one taking the picture, or heck, I might be the one in the picture, but today I am simply the viewer.
Along with nostalgia comes a wave of surprise. Oh how time has flown. I always joke that I have regressed in maturity levels since I was sixteen, sure, maybe I have in a way, but I have also matured at the same time. Contradiction? Most likely.
Sticking with the idea of looking at photographs of old friends in present times, I'm so glad to have met them. Everyone I have ever been close to/spent some significant amount of time with has shaped me, changed me, left me with some impression. All the people in my life have been and are building blocks to how I view life today....Well, that really doesn't explain how white-washed I am...but I think that it is mostly because when a Mexican Dad and an Asian Mommy make a chex mix child, that child is most likely going to be racially confused. Well...better to be racially confused than genderly or sexually confused! :D But, I hope my point is getting across. I would not change the life I have lived for anything. The mistakes I made, the regrets I have, those are all important too.
Looking at photographs of the past and present, I start to think about the things I have done in life, the things that we important to me. I will admit I went through a stage where appearance meant a lot to me, where for me it was based on who I could pretend to be, rather than who I truly was.
Today is a different story. I am attempting to stay grounded in who I am, who I have become. I hate using the term young woman for some reason. I still believe I am a girl. I don't know when I will transition into this "young woman" or "woman" stage of my life, but I hope I know when I'll get there. I don't even know what makes a woman. O_o No, not periods. Kinda like how what makes a man is his lack of emotions or some other stupid thing like that. If women have to have a stupid thing like that, I don't know what my take of that would be. Hmm, weird.
Point is, I'm ready to go. The bitter-sweet taste of nostalgia is good every now and again, but life does not have a pause button. Life goes on, it stops for no one, one moment blends into another, kind of like colors, and as all the colors of the world unify in a continuous chaotic motion, life will still continue.
As humans, we could "stay like this". We don't have to grow up. We can be completely unbending like a tree that has lived a century or more in a mighty wind. We can do that if we truly desire. Or we can "go go go". We can grow, we can learn.
As for me, I feel that I am most partial to the latter.
:]
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Enojo
Estoy enojado. No, no tengo enojado, tengo molesto. Yo se, yo se, es malo, pero no puedo ayudar! Conozco tan Dios se ayudame, pero, es mi falta. Mi corazón es muy emocional. Ah, es como no excusa. Necesito mirar a Dios, haha, menos a hablar y andar para mas. Tengo muy gazmoñera. Yo simempre hablo sobre de caminar mucho y no hago mucho, pero, mirame!
Hágale quiere saber lo que hablo de? Quieres saber que lo que molesto? Estoy molesto porque yo me hincho. Me creo como estoy mas importante lo que la verdad. Comparar a otra niña, no que habrá espacia para mi. Comparar a los amigos otros, no tengo especial. Apuesto el no cuida a mi.
Sé egoÃsta de me, pero, quiero tener imporante a el! Quiero saber el se quiere a mi tambien. Pero, no el querer entre amantes, pero, el querer de amigos en Cristo. Hoy, yo no podrÃa pensar en nada pero usted. Yo se, tengo boba. Yo no cuido! Es muy triste.
Por qué le hace tiene el control sobre m� A mis emociones? Eso no es justo. A veces, yo aborrezco ser una niña. Pero, esto es la vida. =\
bahaha....>_> some of that is my translations, whcih suck, but other parts I cheated....O_o -_-
Hágale quiere saber lo que hablo de? Quieres saber que lo que molesto? Estoy molesto porque yo me hincho. Me creo como estoy mas importante lo que la verdad. Comparar a otra niña, no que habrá espacia para mi. Comparar a los amigos otros, no tengo especial. Apuesto el no cuida a mi.
Sé egoÃsta de me, pero, quiero tener imporante a el! Quiero saber el se quiere a mi tambien. Pero, no el querer entre amantes, pero, el querer de amigos en Cristo. Hoy, yo no podrÃa pensar en nada pero usted. Yo se, tengo boba. Yo no cuido! Es muy triste.
Por qué le hace tiene el control sobre m� A mis emociones? Eso no es justo. A veces, yo aborrezco ser una niña. Pero, esto es la vida. =\
bahaha....>_> some of that is my translations, whcih suck, but other parts I cheated....O_o -_-
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Remember Me?
Hmm, for some reason it feels like it has been a looong time since I last blogged something. Oh well, I guess I've been writing in my diary as of late so I ignored this one, haha. Yes, I keep separate stuff. My diary is much more private and I don't censor myself there. This is what I am willing to share with the general public that are my friends and this one is filled with random stuff that I'm sure I wouldn't really mind losing if this site were to die one day....
ANYWAY!
So, tomorrow is my last day of the second week of school. SO far it's gone fine. I'm taking Philosophy, Spanish, Sociology, and Math.
--Philosophy: the professor is kind of dry, but the class is very interesting. I like the in-depth thoughts and I like what we're learning...mainly we are learning about past philosophers and their beliefs. In this class I don't really talk to anyone, well, maybe this girl named Cessia who sits beside me. But only on occasion.
--Spanish: ehehe....no me gusta la clase de espanol....Well, it's okay, I suppose. The teacher hasn't taught yet. All we do is break into assigned groups and go over the previous night's homework and the teacher will occasionally speak about it. I like group work sometimes, but this is much...I like taking notes during a lecture, especially during a language class, I feel like I'm actually learning that way. While in groups I feel as though I'm not going to reach full potential. In this class, I don't really talk to anyone outside of my group, haha. Even then, we don't talk much, we're all business...and I feel like I'm the black sheep in the group. O_o
--Sociology: The very first class on the road to my major! :DD That's exciting! However, is it bad that I don't enjoy it that much? I think it's because when I go to class I really want to learn something, I want to use up as much time as possible in class. The professor is very nice, but she is somewhat scatter-brained...then again she is teaching classes back-to-back so that would make anyone a little loopy, so I can't really be too hard on her....well, at least this is only sociology 100...I'm sure it will get interesting in time. Hmm, in this class, I don't talk to anyone...well, we had to talk t the person next to us, but I'm shy so I didn't continue talking to her.
--Math: Math...I like the teacher! He is much better than my previous professor, ugggh! I can only hope that I can get a good grade in this class (as well as all my other classes!). In this class I talk to Josh. He's nice, and I'm jealous of his eyes! =O
So yep, that's the low-down on my classes! Tomorrow I'm going to a Bible study at school? O_o I hope that turns out well...
Okay, one with what I really wanted to write about. Then again, I suppose writing about classes could fit into this category, because it is me leaving a mark on people. Yesterday I went to Jesse's and Anthony's mother's funeral (her name was Loretta). I didn't know her at all. I think I remember seeing her once, but I did not speak to her because she was a stranger to me, pretty much. As I sat in the back row listening to people share their memories about her, I began to think of who she was. I do wish I could have met her. Then, there was also a lesson during the funeral so I was like "O.o what the heck?!" so I kinda tuned out but listened at the same time....but mostly I was gone. Anyway! I began thinking about my own funeral...if I were to die as a youngin'.
I don't know, I don't want my funeral to be a "funeral". I want it to be a celebration of life! I'm sure that people will cry, because when a loved one passes that's what humans do. They cry. Stick 'em in a room with other mourning people it's a bawl-fest...sorry if I'm desensitizing it.
I would want the people at my celebration of life to be smiling a little. I want them to laugh when a friend or family member goes up to the podium and shares that "I remember the time when...". I don't want people to view my body. That sometimes makes it harder. I would want my celebration to be in the daytime, not at night, despite how much I love the stars. I want it at the day time because I want the sun shinning as proof that life goes on, that God will still be there. Also, I want them to feel the warmth of the sun and imagine it as a hug, when I'm cold, I like standing in the sun to warm up, and I imagine it as a giant hug and I'm safe, haha...me=nerd! When funerals are at night, it seems like there is a darker cloud of sadness.
I want to be remembered as a witness of God. To be remembered as the one who always loved, not because of things I've said, but because of the things I've done. Actions speak louder than words. When words fade and there is silence, action does not need noise.
Yep.
And I want my celebration of life to be my final act of witnessing for God. That maybe someone will hear all the stories and know that there is a loving and powerful God who I have finally gone home to.
ANYWAY!
So, tomorrow is my last day of the second week of school. SO far it's gone fine. I'm taking Philosophy, Spanish, Sociology, and Math.
--Philosophy: the professor is kind of dry, but the class is very interesting. I like the in-depth thoughts and I like what we're learning...mainly we are learning about past philosophers and their beliefs. In this class I don't really talk to anyone, well, maybe this girl named Cessia who sits beside me. But only on occasion.
--Spanish: ehehe....no me gusta la clase de espanol....Well, it's okay, I suppose. The teacher hasn't taught yet. All we do is break into assigned groups and go over the previous night's homework and the teacher will occasionally speak about it. I like group work sometimes, but this is much...I like taking notes during a lecture, especially during a language class, I feel like I'm actually learning that way. While in groups I feel as though I'm not going to reach full potential. In this class, I don't really talk to anyone outside of my group, haha. Even then, we don't talk much, we're all business...and I feel like I'm the black sheep in the group. O_o
--Sociology: The very first class on the road to my major! :DD That's exciting! However, is it bad that I don't enjoy it that much? I think it's because when I go to class I really want to learn something, I want to use up as much time as possible in class. The professor is very nice, but she is somewhat scatter-brained...then again she is teaching classes back-to-back so that would make anyone a little loopy, so I can't really be too hard on her....well, at least this is only sociology 100...I'm sure it will get interesting in time. Hmm, in this class, I don't talk to anyone...well, we had to talk t the person next to us, but I'm shy so I didn't continue talking to her.
--Math: Math...I like the teacher! He is much better than my previous professor, ugggh! I can only hope that I can get a good grade in this class (as well as all my other classes!). In this class I talk to Josh. He's nice, and I'm jealous of his eyes! =O
So yep, that's the low-down on my classes! Tomorrow I'm going to a Bible study at school? O_o I hope that turns out well...
Okay, one with what I really wanted to write about. Then again, I suppose writing about classes could fit into this category, because it is me leaving a mark on people. Yesterday I went to Jesse's and Anthony's mother's funeral (her name was Loretta). I didn't know her at all. I think I remember seeing her once, but I did not speak to her because she was a stranger to me, pretty much. As I sat in the back row listening to people share their memories about her, I began to think of who she was. I do wish I could have met her. Then, there was also a lesson during the funeral so I was like "O.o what the heck?!" so I kinda tuned out but listened at the same time....but mostly I was gone. Anyway! I began thinking about my own funeral...if I were to die as a youngin'.
I don't know, I don't want my funeral to be a "funeral". I want it to be a celebration of life! I'm sure that people will cry, because when a loved one passes that's what humans do. They cry. Stick 'em in a room with other mourning people it's a bawl-fest...sorry if I'm desensitizing it.
I would want the people at my celebration of life to be smiling a little. I want them to laugh when a friend or family member goes up to the podium and shares that "I remember the time when...". I don't want people to view my body. That sometimes makes it harder. I would want my celebration to be in the daytime, not at night, despite how much I love the stars. I want it at the day time because I want the sun shinning as proof that life goes on, that God will still be there. Also, I want them to feel the warmth of the sun and imagine it as a hug, when I'm cold, I like standing in the sun to warm up, and I imagine it as a giant hug and I'm safe, haha...me=nerd! When funerals are at night, it seems like there is a darker cloud of sadness.
I want to be remembered as a witness of God. To be remembered as the one who always loved, not because of things I've said, but because of the things I've done. Actions speak louder than words. When words fade and there is silence, action does not need noise.
Yep.
And I want my celebration of life to be my final act of witnessing for God. That maybe someone will hear all the stories and know that there is a loving and powerful God who I have finally gone home to.
Friday, January 22, 2010
"Maximum RIde: Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports" by James Patterson. A bookreview.
Saving the World and Other Extreme Sports is much different from the previous two titles in the Maximum Ride series. In the first two of Patterson's teen novels, much was very repetative, fighting and running, fighting and running, trusting and running, finding answers and running, and getting no where. It was quite the cycle.
In the third novel, however, Max and her flock finally found some answers they were searching for. Max found her mom, friendships were tested as were abilities. In this novel there is still fighting, but there is less of a circle. This novel was very fast-paced and an easy read which I thoroughly enjoyed. As for the characters, there was significant growth for everyone, every character seemed to become more individual, for lack of a better term. Max, despite her own growth as a character stayed the same, which is good.
However, with the way this novel ended, I can tell that in the books to come there has been some plot changes and that the novel may be going off it's original course. So far, I would say that the plot is still good and the changes will not turn me off from the books, but, we will have to see, won't we?
Recommended! :D
In the third novel, however, Max and her flock finally found some answers they were searching for. Max found her mom, friendships were tested as were abilities. In this novel there is still fighting, but there is less of a circle. This novel was very fast-paced and an easy read which I thoroughly enjoyed. As for the characters, there was significant growth for everyone, every character seemed to become more individual, for lack of a better term. Max, despite her own growth as a character stayed the same, which is good.
However, with the way this novel ended, I can tell that in the books to come there has been some plot changes and that the novel may be going off it's original course. So far, I would say that the plot is still good and the changes will not turn me off from the books, but, we will have to see, won't we?
Recommended! :D
Thursday, January 21, 2010
"Maximum Ride: School's Out--Forever" by James Patterson. A bookreview.
So this is just a quick review of the novel that I have finished the other day. It was a quick read, and interesting. I really like Patterson's novels because the characters have such funny and lively quirks that make them seem all the more real.
The weird thing about his writing though is some of the dialogue. Some lines are super corny and make me go "what the heck?! Who says that?!"
Anway, School's Out--Forever is a continuation from the first book. It is interesting to see how the plot has progressed, but at the same time, it is very repetative. Max and the flock fight the Erasers. They get away, they think they are safe, the fight a few more times, and then they go "up, up, and away". Yeah, that makes it kinda dull.
I would however, recomend the series. =]
The weird thing about his writing though is some of the dialogue. Some lines are super corny and make me go "what the heck?! Who says that?!"
Anway, School's Out--Forever is a continuation from the first book. It is interesting to see how the plot has progressed, but at the same time, it is very repetative. Max and the flock fight the Erasers. They get away, they think they are safe, the fight a few more times, and then they go "up, up, and away". Yeah, that makes it kinda dull.
I would however, recomend the series. =]
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Just some thoughts...
I am probably one of the most emotionally weak persons (grammatically, this sounds wrong, but I don't feel like busting my brain at the moment) you will ever come across. I hide myself behind many facades to protect my core. I cry very easily. I'm very dependent. When I heard my nephew say "I love you", it brought tears to my eyes. I'm not talking about Jonathan, my younger nephew, I know he loves me because he's just a loving kid. It was an older nephew, Anthony, who told me. I don't think I've ever heard him tell me that he loves me.
I was recently told that my nephews', Jesse and Anthony, mom passed away. She lost control of her truck and it flipped and she was ejected. I talked to Anthony and he sounded fine on the phone, he said he's just staying positive, and he's trying to figure out what to do for her and all of that stuff. I think about him, he's 20-21, and that's a lot of burden, even if it is also split with Jesse, but I haven't talked to him yet.
I never knew their mom, I know she has a younger kid and Anthony says he's being taken care of, so that's good. But wow....losing a parent is hard. Especially if the parent and/or the child is young.
Wow. Death is a scary thing. It brings out sides of people that you never really see. And, well, I don't know. All I know is that you have to thank God for what you have here and now and remember you are blessed and never forget to tell people you lvoe them.
hmm...
I was recently told that my nephews', Jesse and Anthony, mom passed away. She lost control of her truck and it flipped and she was ejected. I talked to Anthony and he sounded fine on the phone, he said he's just staying positive, and he's trying to figure out what to do for her and all of that stuff. I think about him, he's 20-21, and that's a lot of burden, even if it is also split with Jesse, but I haven't talked to him yet.
I never knew their mom, I know she has a younger kid and Anthony says he's being taken care of, so that's good. But wow....losing a parent is hard. Especially if the parent and/or the child is young.
Wow. Death is a scary thing. It brings out sides of people that you never really see. And, well, I don't know. All I know is that you have to thank God for what you have here and now and remember you are blessed and never forget to tell people you lvoe them.
hmm...
Sunday, January 17, 2010
"You Don't Know Me" by David Klass. A Book review.
Normally I read books from a female protagonist's point of view, but every now and again it is refreshing to read from a male's point of view. "You Don't Know Me", by David Klass, is an interesting novel to read.
John, a freshman in high school, is the narrarator of this story. As a reader progresses through the books, he will follow John as he goes on his first date, and deals with monsters some of us are fortunate to never have expierenced. That monster is child abuse. Throughout this book, John stresses 1. people "don't know him", and 2. about things that aren't.
Klass interestingly writes about child abuse and the things a 14-year-old boy may think. This boy who is quick to judge finds hope in things he did not realize.
I don't know how else to describe a book like this, it is better off to read it to fully grasp what I'm trying to say. =p
John, a freshman in high school, is the narrarator of this story. As a reader progresses through the books, he will follow John as he goes on his first date, and deals with monsters some of us are fortunate to never have expierenced. That monster is child abuse. Throughout this book, John stresses 1. people "don't know him", and 2. about things that aren't.
Klass interestingly writes about child abuse and the things a 14-year-old boy may think. This boy who is quick to judge finds hope in things he did not realize.
I don't know how else to describe a book like this, it is better off to read it to fully grasp what I'm trying to say. =p
Friday, January 15, 2010
Goodbye to You...
I hate goodbyes. I really do. I'm never good at them. My trick is, when I say goodbye, I emotionally detach myself so I don't have to feel anything when I say goodbye. There are a few instances when I ignored that rule, or, mainly, the emotion is too strong to blackade, but for the most part, it is highly effective. Goodbyes are hard, especially when I love a person. Be it family or friend, I can't help but cry a little when I say goodbye because I don't like losing people.
Goodbyes hurt, but sometimes they are for the best. The thing I hate most about them is the fact that it feels like I'm throwing away of however many years I've known the person worth of memories. When I make friends, I make them for life. I don't believe in making friends for the moment, I don't enjoy putting my heart into something that doesn't last that long, because eventually goodbyes come and it just hurts.
After listening to Michelle Branch's song "goodbye to you", I started thinking about people, places, and things, in the course of my lifespan that are meaningful to me in ways. Mainly, I thought about people. I thought about a friend that said goodbye and completely tore me up. Then again, perhaps I was the first one to say goodbye for that one, even if she technically said the words. I also thought about Dad and how I didn't want that goodbye to come. I thought about feelings that I should say goodbye to. Feelings that I would be better off without.
And one day, I'm going to be the one that has to say goodbye to people. I suppose I hate that part too. I hate hurting people.
So yeah.
Goodbye to you...
Goodbyes hurt, but sometimes they are for the best. The thing I hate most about them is the fact that it feels like I'm throwing away of however many years I've known the person worth of memories. When I make friends, I make them for life. I don't believe in making friends for the moment, I don't enjoy putting my heart into something that doesn't last that long, because eventually goodbyes come and it just hurts.
After listening to Michelle Branch's song "goodbye to you", I started thinking about people, places, and things, in the course of my lifespan that are meaningful to me in ways. Mainly, I thought about people. I thought about a friend that said goodbye and completely tore me up. Then again, perhaps I was the first one to say goodbye for that one, even if she technically said the words. I also thought about Dad and how I didn't want that goodbye to come. I thought about feelings that I should say goodbye to. Feelings that I would be better off without.
And one day, I'm going to be the one that has to say goodbye to people. I suppose I hate that part too. I hate hurting people.
So yeah.
Goodbye to you...
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Life and stuff...yeah...and an uncreative title....
Well, tonight I had work until 10:30. I was on sales floor, but tonight was better than other nights; there wasn't too much of a mess so time went by slowly. I think I contracted pink eye at work because I suddenly had a feeling as though my right eye was watery and there was a bunch of gunk in it, I also keep rubbing it so it's a little sore now... Yeah, and it's been that way since. Poopy, oh well. That means no seeing people, because it is most likely contagious. =[ Gah! The feeling is so annoying!!
At work we discovered what we think is a racist Dora the Explorer backpack...don't ask...it's weird, but, yeah. The people I work with are nice and very social, so it's not hard to get along with them, everyone is interesting. Tonight when cleaning the isles/aisles (?), I was listening to two of the people making jokes since I'm too shy to make jokes of my own when they started cursing like crazy. Israel then looked at me and then looked at the lady and was like, "watch your language in front of this church lady!". That made me laugh, but their language wasn't annoying me or anything. I found that idea completely humorous though. So work was good tonight. All the while I was thinking that I could make a situation bad or good, it just depended on how I treated it. Since I don't like working sales floor, I've always been in a bad mood when I did it so my mood would be ruined for the entire day.
Also, on with life outside of my own little world, I heard about the earthquake that hit Haiti. I was looking at some pictures, and in some, there were pictures of groups from Britain, Taiwan, and the United States, going over to the Haitian islands to help out and support the people. It's really heart-warming to see a world set aside it's differences and unify for one noble cause. My heart goes out to those who lost their lives and their loved ones. I pray that God will give strength to those dealing with this disaster, and that somehow people will see Him and His will and a way for Him to still be glorified.
Yeah that's it...sleepy time!
At work we discovered what we think is a racist Dora the Explorer backpack...don't ask...it's weird, but, yeah. The people I work with are nice and very social, so it's not hard to get along with them, everyone is interesting. Tonight when cleaning the isles/aisles (?), I was listening to two of the people making jokes since I'm too shy to make jokes of my own when they started cursing like crazy. Israel then looked at me and then looked at the lady and was like, "watch your language in front of this church lady!". That made me laugh, but their language wasn't annoying me or anything. I found that idea completely humorous though. So work was good tonight. All the while I was thinking that I could make a situation bad or good, it just depended on how I treated it. Since I don't like working sales floor, I've always been in a bad mood when I did it so my mood would be ruined for the entire day.
Also, on with life outside of my own little world, I heard about the earthquake that hit Haiti. I was looking at some pictures, and in some, there were pictures of groups from Britain, Taiwan, and the United States, going over to the Haitian islands to help out and support the people. It's really heart-warming to see a world set aside it's differences and unify for one noble cause. My heart goes out to those who lost their lives and their loved ones. I pray that God will give strength to those dealing with this disaster, and that somehow people will see Him and His will and a way for Him to still be glorified.
Yeah that's it...sleepy time!
"A Bend in the Road" by Nicholas Sparks. A bookreview.
Earlier today I finished yet another Nicholas Sparks book. A Bend in the Road is one of his older novels, and I, of course, really enjoyed it. I enjoy all of his books, haha, however, I suppose this book was not a favorite, compared to some of his other novels.
This book is the love story between Miles Ryan, a man who lost his wife, and Sarah Andrews, a woman who is struggling with a terrible divorce, but with a big twist in it....I'm not giving it away!
Anyway, I don't know what to say about this book, haha. It was good. It had the right amount of tragedy and the right amount of love story. On his site, Sparks said that he wrote "love stories" instead of "romance stories". With love stories, sometimes there isn't a happy ending, and with romance, there's always the expected happy ending that everyone wants. So, yeah, I think Sparks does a great job at writing love stories.
As for this novel, it's a definate must read! :D
This book is the love story between Miles Ryan, a man who lost his wife, and Sarah Andrews, a woman who is struggling with a terrible divorce, but with a big twist in it....I'm not giving it away!
Anyway, I don't know what to say about this book, haha. It was good. It had the right amount of tragedy and the right amount of love story. On his site, Sparks said that he wrote "love stories" instead of "romance stories". With love stories, sometimes there isn't a happy ending, and with romance, there's always the expected happy ending that everyone wants. So, yeah, I think Sparks does a great job at writing love stories.
As for this novel, it's a definate must read! :D
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Epic Dreams?!
Ever have one of those dreams where you're dreaming in that? Well, I've never had one of those, but I've had a dream where I'm dreaming, and in that dream I was dreaming. So, it's slightly more epic. =]
My dream took place a couple of night ago, but I can still remember it for the most part. It's somewhat vivid, but I've forgotten some of the smaller details I suppose.
Anyway, so let's break down this dream...let's see, where to start...
Okay, let's begin with the first dream, or as I call, the master dream. In this dream I was a guy friend of mine, and, I don't remember what we were doing, haha. But we were going somewhere that required us to stay in a hotel, and we were travelling with either his family or mine...I just know there were a lot of people. I think we were going to some sort of convention and we were the only ones of our age so we stuck together and were just like "uhm...let's make the most of it?". So we're going along with who ever's family, just chilling, and being ourselves, arguing, talking, chitting the chat. If I remember correctly we went somewhere far that involved suitcases and either the train or plane and a rental car. I also remember being very shy which makes me want to assume that it was with his family... Eventually the day was done and we went to the hotel that the family had pre-rented (Now that I think about it, it might be his family....my family is not that organized, haha). The hotel was really nice, it was big and expensive looking, and I don't think I had to pay for it. O.o The only thing I paid for I think was the plane/train ticket....Anyway, so as the adults were getting room keys I asked one of them where I was sleeping. So they handed my friend a key and was like "you and Serena are sharing a suite". He and I both looked at each other and were like "O_o but, we're not of the same gender..." and the person looked at us and was like "you're only ones not married here, and don't worry, there are two beds in the room". So we looked at each other apprehensively and were like "fine, we're mature adults..." So we go to the room and he takes the bed closest to the window, pretty much the bed in the corner and I was like "loser" and he shrugged me off and was like "you don't need the corner". I remember an awkward moment when we both got into our pajamas and crawled into our beds and there was a long silence (I was mostly uncomfortable because he slept shirtless and I kept on wondering if God would smite me for this). I remember looking at him and was like "should I turn out the lights?" and he's like "yeah, that's best, I'm tired". So I did and then it felt more awkward because here I am, sharing a room with a guy. I remember looking over at him and he was curled on his side so he was facing me and I was "O_O awkwardddd" in my mind. But instead I was like "well, goodnight then," before I curled in the other direction.
So after the master dream comes, I start to dream in that dream, and I think I'll call that the middle earth dream. In this dream I was a ninja, and the said guy friend was a ninja too and were were on a team of three with some other ninja guy (yep, kind of like Naruto), and were were in a battle with some evil ninjas. My guy friend was extremely stealthy so he was an excellent fighter, the other guy could talk to animals, and I had very good accuracy, but I usually hung back because I was more of a defensive line. Well one of the evil ninja guys came and attacked me and knocked me out, and that's when the third dream started.
I'll call this dream the sub-dream. In this dream I was a model (I know right? That's why we call them dreams!), and a new one at that. So I went to this agency that had called me a while ago and I was going to do a photo shoot with them. Their entire theme was a jungle theme. That was exciting. So I did poses and they took pictures, and they apparently thought that I was one of the best models they have ever seen. So they let me have a lunch break and I decided to explore. I met other models, but they weren't very nice, so I just stayed on my own. Then I saw a cute little kitten that looked a lot like Jaymie's cat Sabrina, same color and everything, only the hair was shorter and she was nicer. So this kitten followed me around the entire time and it would come to me when I called it and it was so gentle. Eventually the kitten stopped following me, and when it was going away a lioness came out of the bushes and attacked her, swiping her side and leaving deep gashes. I remember freaking out and somehow making the lioness go away. The kitten was hurt really badly, and I picked it up carefully, fearing that it would die. The manager of the agency came out and told me it was his kitten and I told him what happened and he told these burly male model dudes to go find the lioness because she escaped the cage. Then, I still had a really long break so I decided to take a nap, and that ended this dream.
I then went back to the ninja dream, and there I woke up and my two ninja friends were staring down at me, and after that, I woke up.
Then I went back to the master dream. I remember waking up in the dream and the dream had moved forward and my friend and his family were at church. I remember taking a seat by him, and the silence was slightly weird for a while. He then told me he didn't go to the bathroom that much the night before because he was afraid of waking me. I then told him that he could have gone because I sleep through almost anything. He laughed, and it suddenly wasn't awkward anymore. Then I told him I had to use the restroom and he should accompany to that he agree. As we passed his family, his mom, I think, gave me a wary look, like she was watching me. So we walked to the bathroom, and before I went in to the Ladies' room he looked at me and was like "you have a good stomach". I was thoroughly confused at that point, wondering what that meant, wondering if he was making fun of me, or if that meant I was going to have lots of children or some odd thing.
Then as I washed my hands a ton of high-schoolers from NCCOV came out of the bathroom stalls and I was even more confused as they left before me. When I walked out, my friend was still there waiting for me, and for some reason that made me feel hopeful.
Then I woke up for real, and I was SUPER confused because I thought I was still in my dream with the guy friend, and it took me a while to realize I had a dream inside of a dream inside of a dream. O_o
Weird, but very cool. =D
My dream took place a couple of night ago, but I can still remember it for the most part. It's somewhat vivid, but I've forgotten some of the smaller details I suppose.
Anyway, so let's break down this dream...let's see, where to start...
Okay, let's begin with the first dream, or as I call, the master dream. In this dream I was a guy friend of mine, and, I don't remember what we were doing, haha. But we were going somewhere that required us to stay in a hotel, and we were travelling with either his family or mine...I just know there were a lot of people. I think we were going to some sort of convention and we were the only ones of our age so we stuck together and were just like "uhm...let's make the most of it?". So we're going along with who ever's family, just chilling, and being ourselves, arguing, talking, chitting the chat. If I remember correctly we went somewhere far that involved suitcases and either the train or plane and a rental car. I also remember being very shy which makes me want to assume that it was with his family... Eventually the day was done and we went to the hotel that the family had pre-rented (Now that I think about it, it might be his family....my family is not that organized, haha). The hotel was really nice, it was big and expensive looking, and I don't think I had to pay for it. O.o The only thing I paid for I think was the plane/train ticket....Anyway, so as the adults were getting room keys I asked one of them where I was sleeping. So they handed my friend a key and was like "you and Serena are sharing a suite". He and I both looked at each other and were like "O_o but, we're not of the same gender..." and the person looked at us and was like "you're only ones not married here, and don't worry, there are two beds in the room". So we looked at each other apprehensively and were like "fine, we're mature adults..." So we go to the room and he takes the bed closest to the window, pretty much the bed in the corner and I was like "loser" and he shrugged me off and was like "you don't need the corner". I remember an awkward moment when we both got into our pajamas and crawled into our beds and there was a long silence (I was mostly uncomfortable because he slept shirtless and I kept on wondering if God would smite me for this). I remember looking at him and was like "should I turn out the lights?" and he's like "yeah, that's best, I'm tired". So I did and then it felt more awkward because here I am, sharing a room with a guy. I remember looking over at him and he was curled on his side so he was facing me and I was "O_O awkwardddd" in my mind. But instead I was like "well, goodnight then," before I curled in the other direction.
So after the master dream comes, I start to dream in that dream, and I think I'll call that the middle earth dream. In this dream I was a ninja, and the said guy friend was a ninja too and were were on a team of three with some other ninja guy (yep, kind of like Naruto), and were were in a battle with some evil ninjas. My guy friend was extremely stealthy so he was an excellent fighter, the other guy could talk to animals, and I had very good accuracy, but I usually hung back because I was more of a defensive line. Well one of the evil ninja guys came and attacked me and knocked me out, and that's when the third dream started.
I'll call this dream the sub-dream. In this dream I was a model (I know right? That's why we call them dreams!), and a new one at that. So I went to this agency that had called me a while ago and I was going to do a photo shoot with them. Their entire theme was a jungle theme. That was exciting. So I did poses and they took pictures, and they apparently thought that I was one of the best models they have ever seen. So they let me have a lunch break and I decided to explore. I met other models, but they weren't very nice, so I just stayed on my own. Then I saw a cute little kitten that looked a lot like Jaymie's cat Sabrina, same color and everything, only the hair was shorter and she was nicer. So this kitten followed me around the entire time and it would come to me when I called it and it was so gentle. Eventually the kitten stopped following me, and when it was going away a lioness came out of the bushes and attacked her, swiping her side and leaving deep gashes. I remember freaking out and somehow making the lioness go away. The kitten was hurt really badly, and I picked it up carefully, fearing that it would die. The manager of the agency came out and told me it was his kitten and I told him what happened and he told these burly male model dudes to go find the lioness because she escaped the cage. Then, I still had a really long break so I decided to take a nap, and that ended this dream.
I then went back to the ninja dream, and there I woke up and my two ninja friends were staring down at me, and after that, I woke up.
Then I went back to the master dream. I remember waking up in the dream and the dream had moved forward and my friend and his family were at church. I remember taking a seat by him, and the silence was slightly weird for a while. He then told me he didn't go to the bathroom that much the night before because he was afraid of waking me. I then told him that he could have gone because I sleep through almost anything. He laughed, and it suddenly wasn't awkward anymore. Then I told him I had to use the restroom and he should accompany to that he agree. As we passed his family, his mom, I think, gave me a wary look, like she was watching me. So we walked to the bathroom, and before I went in to the Ladies' room he looked at me and was like "you have a good stomach". I was thoroughly confused at that point, wondering what that meant, wondering if he was making fun of me, or if that meant I was going to have lots of children or some odd thing.
Then as I washed my hands a ton of high-schoolers from NCCOV came out of the bathroom stalls and I was even more confused as they left before me. When I walked out, my friend was still there waiting for me, and for some reason that made me feel hopeful.
Then I woke up for real, and I was SUPER confused because I thought I was still in my dream with the guy friend, and it took me a while to realize I had a dream inside of a dream inside of a dream. O_o
Weird, but very cool. =D
Monday, January 11, 2010
"Keeping Faith" by Jodi Picoult. A Book Review
Jodi Picoult's novels are always a joy to read. She is an excellent write with a great eye for detail and she is good at writing human emotion. She makes her characters believable, and well, human, as compared to characters who are harder to relate to.
I have just finished Keeping Faith, which is quite an interesting novel. It was a good read, but what made it so interesting, was that it dealt with the controversy of religion which some authors try to stay away from. The novel revolves around a seven-year-old girl who develops stigmata during her parents' divorce and child custody battle for her. The catch is Faith is a Jewish girl, but she has caught the attention of Catholics, the tele-atheist, Ian Fletcher, and many people who are facinated by this phenomenon.
I enjoyed how this novel was written, it came from everyone's view points, so it was nice to see what everyone was thinking. I think the court trial that Picoult created was also well written.
What didn't sit too well with me was Faith. Faith is a seven-year-old-girl, but somehow, she seemed so much more insightful and more, I don't know another word to use, than adults. Don't get me wrong, I strongly believe that some of the best lessons can come from childrean, but at the same time, Picoult has the tendency to make the kids the most wise and insightful characters in her novels. In my opinion, I don't like that all the time, it kind of takes away the sense of innocence in a child.
I would recommend Keeping Faith to those who enjoy court trials, religious controversy, insighful children, and anyone who enjoys Jodi Picoult and reading in general. =]
I have just finished Keeping Faith, which is quite an interesting novel. It was a good read, but what made it so interesting, was that it dealt with the controversy of religion which some authors try to stay away from. The novel revolves around a seven-year-old girl who develops stigmata during her parents' divorce and child custody battle for her. The catch is Faith is a Jewish girl, but she has caught the attention of Catholics, the tele-atheist, Ian Fletcher, and many people who are facinated by this phenomenon.
I enjoyed how this novel was written, it came from everyone's view points, so it was nice to see what everyone was thinking. I think the court trial that Picoult created was also well written.
What didn't sit too well with me was Faith. Faith is a seven-year-old-girl, but somehow, she seemed so much more insightful and more, I don't know another word to use, than adults. Don't get me wrong, I strongly believe that some of the best lessons can come from childrean, but at the same time, Picoult has the tendency to make the kids the most wise and insightful characters in her novels. In my opinion, I don't like that all the time, it kind of takes away the sense of innocence in a child.
I would recommend Keeping Faith to those who enjoy court trials, religious controversy, insighful children, and anyone who enjoys Jodi Picoult and reading in general. =]
Saturday, January 9, 2010
"Corpse Bride" movie review? I guess, haha.
So tonight I watched the movie "Corpse Bride" with Jakob, Juliet, and Tom, that was interesting. I love Tim Burton films, he's the greatest! His mind is just pure genius, haha!
This movie (3-D animation) is about this couple being betrothed when Victor, the groom-to-be, finds himself wedded to a corpse named Emily. The movie is really cute, and very dark. I suppose I missed the concept of bright pinks and greens and purples in movies (wow, I never thought I'd say that)...
However, throughout the entire movie, I could sympathize with Emily, the Corpse Bride. She was an innocent throughout the entire movie. She just wanted true love, her dream wedding, a true romantic at heart. Even though I knew Victor had is bride-to-be still in the Land of the Living who was worried about him, I couldn't sympathize with her all that well. Sure, she had lost Victor, but at the same time...I don't know, haha.
I suppose this is because I can relate to Emily really well. When she sang her song comparing herself to the bride-to-be and she felt she came up short, I know I always do that. Then there were lines in the song that went:"...She doesn't play piano
Or dance
Or Sing
But she still breathes air
Who cares
Unimportant
Overrated
Overblown
If only he can see
how special you can be
If only he knew the you that we know...
Well those lines, haha, They are quite amazing. Unlike Emily, however, I can't play piano or sing or dance, but...but...I can write. I'm altruistic (although that makes me feel selfish when I say that), and I'm uhmm, I'm good with kids? And the other lines remind me of my friends who are always there for me. =]
Bahaha, oh life.
<3 Tim Burton!
This movie (3-D animation) is about this couple being betrothed when Victor, the groom-to-be, finds himself wedded to a corpse named Emily. The movie is really cute, and very dark. I suppose I missed the concept of bright pinks and greens and purples in movies (wow, I never thought I'd say that)...
However, throughout the entire movie, I could sympathize with Emily, the Corpse Bride. She was an innocent throughout the entire movie. She just wanted true love, her dream wedding, a true romantic at heart. Even though I knew Victor had is bride-to-be still in the Land of the Living who was worried about him, I couldn't sympathize with her all that well. Sure, she had lost Victor, but at the same time...I don't know, haha.
I suppose this is because I can relate to Emily really well. When she sang her song comparing herself to the bride-to-be and she felt she came up short, I know I always do that. Then there were lines in the song that went:
Or dance
Or Sing
But she still breathes air
Who cares
Unimportant
Overrated
Overblown
If only he can see
how special you can be
If only he knew the you that we know...
Well those lines, haha, They are quite amazing. Unlike Emily, however, I can't play piano or sing or dance, but...but...I can write. I'm altruistic (although that makes me feel selfish when I say that), and I'm uhmm, I'm good with kids? And the other lines remind me of my friends who are always there for me. =]
Bahaha, oh life.
<3 Tim Burton!
Thursday, January 7, 2010
How Interesting...
"I close my eyes, disgusted. I have already lived this story. I have already fallen in love with a man whom my mind inflated to such mythic proportions that I could stare right at him and still not see him clearly," (p. 236). Keeping Faith by Jodi Picoult
Funny how books make you think of yourself....
Funny how books make you think of yourself....
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Teaching
Teaching is a hard job. I never really thought about that until tonight. When you are a teacher, it usually means you are well-versed in a subject, you know it well enough to have confidence to teach others. You are in charge of what others know. Also, you are in charge of the students. As a student they must obey the teacher in order to learn. But also, it is the teacher who creates the classroom enviornment. If the teacher is laid-back and relaxed students will either adopt that attitude or they see it as the teacher being a pushover and begin to take advantage. If a teacher is uptight, students will get that vibe. Almost a "monkey see, monkey do" kinda thing.
Although my classroom is different from most, I am a teacher of 6 rather than 26, and the setting is different, we sit on a bed and on cushions rather than in desks, I am still a teacher nonetheless. Thinking about how I am as a teacher is an interesting concept. I can do much better. I am an extreme pushover when it comes to my kids. I think it is because I care about what parents think and I don't want to be harsh because I am afraid that I cannot draw the line between in control and being psychotically strict.
Well, that's something I can most definately work on. Tonight didn't go so well, but I think that mostly stems from me. I am usually very ill-prepared. I teach from this book with chapters about prayer and worship and all that good stuff. I don't usually read it and I just go in and try to teach. In my last blog I mentioned that I want the kids to go away with learning about love, if anything at all. The way I'm teaching, I'm doing a terrible job.
So, I think I need to spend the week meditating on each lesson. Sure I'm not coming up with sermons, I have them right in front of me, but I'm still teaching and directing kids in the name of Christ. If I do a half-effort job then they will retain less, I believe.So, I'll try that for this week. Meditate on next week's lesson for the week and give it completely to God. Again, I have what I'm teaching in front of me so I really don't have to put much effort into it at all, but who knows, perhaps God will lay it on my heart that I should teach something else. :)
We shall see, we shall see....
Although my classroom is different from most, I am a teacher of 6 rather than 26, and the setting is different, we sit on a bed and on cushions rather than in desks, I am still a teacher nonetheless. Thinking about how I am as a teacher is an interesting concept. I can do much better. I am an extreme pushover when it comes to my kids. I think it is because I care about what parents think and I don't want to be harsh because I am afraid that I cannot draw the line between in control and being psychotically strict.
Well, that's something I can most definately work on. Tonight didn't go so well, but I think that mostly stems from me. I am usually very ill-prepared. I teach from this book with chapters about prayer and worship and all that good stuff. I don't usually read it and I just go in and try to teach. In my last blog I mentioned that I want the kids to go away with learning about love, if anything at all. The way I'm teaching, I'm doing a terrible job.
So, I think I need to spend the week meditating on each lesson. Sure I'm not coming up with sermons, I have them right in front of me, but I'm still teaching and directing kids in the name of Christ. If I do a half-effort job then they will retain less, I believe.So, I'll try that for this week. Meditate on next week's lesson for the week and give it completely to God. Again, I have what I'm teaching in front of me so I really don't have to put much effort into it at all, but who knows, perhaps God will lay it on my heart that I should teach something else. :)
We shall see, we shall see....
Because I Can?
A new year and a new look for my blog? Haha, I don't know. I get bored so easily and I'm always changing stuff. I'm a weirdo. And yes, that is another picture I took. Nehehehe......I'm not a phtographer, and I realize that everytime I see the pictures I take but it's still so much fun. Who knows, perhaps one day I will become good at it.
Well, today was fairly boring. I woke up at nine in the morning so I was happy, but because I didn't get out of bed right away I went back to sleep and woke up at 10-11ish....fail! O_o I took a shower, had breakfast/lunch, and now I'm doing laundry which is good! Now I can see another square foot or so of carpet in my room. Even then, I like doing laundry. I don't know why, but it's one of my favorite chores to do. I suppose because there is a dance move called "The washing machine" and also I love it when my clothes are done drying and I take them out right away and the clothes are nice and warm and soft. That might be the reason. That or I enjoy being clean.....although my room and bathroom aren't testimonies to that. -_- Uggggh, I have so much to do before school starts. I still need to buy books, I have errands to run and I need to clean more. >.<
Along with that I've been listening to Owl City all day. I love Owl City, haha, well, I love his lyrics. They're so poetic and just very pretty, haha.
Along with my productive, or rather, unproductive day, I did a lot of thinking. I was thinking about Vista and life. I want to move away from SoCal, I think, or just rather the cities I've grown up in. Sure everything I love is here, family, friends, my church, and all that good stuff, but I don't know if I want to live here forever. Vista will always be home no matter what. I was raised here, but even a young bird must leave her nest at some point. Perhaps when I go off to a university I'll be able to figure out what I'm going to do. I do however know that where ever I go, if my heart is there, home will be there too. Isn't that what matters most?
So tonight is community groups. I'm teaching the kids about prayer.......I hope it goes well. I love teaching those kids. I hope that if they learn anything from me (and Jakob), I hope they learn love. The love of Christ, the love for others, and just how to have a good time, haha.
Well, I think I should end this blog now. Jaymie is talking to me, and the voices in my head are not strong enough yet to block her out.
>.>
<.<
I loves herrr! :DDD
Best friend.
And Sister? O_o
Well, today was fairly boring. I woke up at nine in the morning so I was happy, but because I didn't get out of bed right away I went back to sleep and woke up at 10-11ish....fail! O_o I took a shower, had breakfast/lunch, and now I'm doing laundry which is good! Now I can see another square foot or so of carpet in my room. Even then, I like doing laundry. I don't know why, but it's one of my favorite chores to do. I suppose because there is a dance move called "The washing machine" and also I love it when my clothes are done drying and I take them out right away and the clothes are nice and warm and soft. That might be the reason. That or I enjoy being clean.....although my room and bathroom aren't testimonies to that. -_- Uggggh, I have so much to do before school starts. I still need to buy books, I have errands to run and I need to clean more. >.<
Along with that I've been listening to Owl City all day. I love Owl City, haha, well, I love his lyrics. They're so poetic and just very pretty, haha.
Along with my productive, or rather, unproductive day, I did a lot of thinking. I was thinking about Vista and life. I want to move away from SoCal, I think, or just rather the cities I've grown up in. Sure everything I love is here, family, friends, my church, and all that good stuff, but I don't know if I want to live here forever. Vista will always be home no matter what. I was raised here, but even a young bird must leave her nest at some point. Perhaps when I go off to a university I'll be able to figure out what I'm going to do. I do however know that where ever I go, if my heart is there, home will be there too. Isn't that what matters most?
So tonight is community groups. I'm teaching the kids about prayer.......I hope it goes well. I love teaching those kids. I hope that if they learn anything from me (and Jakob), I hope they learn love. The love of Christ, the love for others, and just how to have a good time, haha.
Well, I think I should end this blog now. Jaymie is talking to me, and the voices in my head are not strong enough yet to block her out.
>.>
<.<
I loves herrr! :DDD
Best friend.
And Sister? O_o
Saturday, January 2, 2010
One Wicked Sweet Dream!
It may seem like it is a tad late to be blogging about a dream I had nearly 24 hours ago, but I finally have time to share it! Bahahaha, *nerd*.
Well, in my dream....I don't even know where to start! It's just awesome! -___-
The dream had to do with two types of people (besides humans...but humans weren't important in this dream), vampires and ninja-like people. I don't know what the ninja-like people were...perhaps human. So there were these two groups of people. The vampires in my dream could go out in the daytime but for only very short periods of time before something bad happens to them. I suppose they drank blood too, but I don't remember that detail. I just knew they were vampires. In this dream the vampires were like, the top of the top, like royalty in a social hierarchy.
Next came the ninja-like people. I don't remember if they were human or not, but I knew they were special. These ninja-like people were special because there was something about them that made them "the chosen ones" among the vampires (not to eat!), so in a way they were second in the social-hierarchy scale because their job was to be partners to vampires, guardians and best friends (I know my dream sounds a lot like Vampire Academy by Richelle Mead, but it was different). These "chosen people" are trained to to be exceptionally skilled fighters and are very intelligent..so yeah ninja-like.
In the dream I was a ninja-like person. I don't remember if my vampire-person was a male or female, I think it was a male though. Anyway, so my partner and I had joined this organization for good because the world had gone into turmoil and evil groups of vampires/ninja-like people were plotting earth's destruction and trying to take it over.
So my partner and I walked into this large room that felt like a warehouse with no windows and there were other partnered people who were sizing each other up and mingling and some just stood together. My partner and I walked around for a little bit trying to get familiar with faces when I bumped into someone. Stuttering an apology I tried to laugh to release tension. I looked up and staring down at my was a vampire with long-ish dark hair and deep deep deep brown eyes. He, like all the other vampires and ninja-like people, was wearing black (Somehow the ninja-like people were wearing something or looked a certain way that it was easy to tell them apart from the vampires if they were exceptionally pale, and the vampires looked a certain way that made them easily distinguishable to the ninja-like people and other vampires but not to humans). So this guy looked at me and was like "that's fine, I know it was an accident". Because I could not stop staring into his eyes I blushed and he took my hand and shook it. The first thing I noticed was that he had remarkably soft hands. He told me his name but I forgot it at this point.
I then noticed his partner a severe looking girl who was really really tiny but looked like she could kill five people without breaking a sweat. That, and she was very pretty. Okay, I'll admit that in this dream I was kinda tiny too, being at the same height, only I was very thin. but compared to this girl, I felt very ungraceful and unruly. My vampire, knowing that I started to feel very uncomfortable, tried to save the moment by distracting her but it didn't work out very well.
Then the dream continued and somehow, that vampire who I suppose I had a crush on in the dream was paired with my vampire and me and another group with a vampire girl and a big burly ninja-like person, so we became a unit. Other units were formed and this warehouse place became our headquarters. My unit and I were then assigned to this place, I don't know what state we were in, but apparently there was activity there with evil ninja/vampire groups attacking the humans.
So my unit was assigned to this area with a large university, about the size of CSU Long Beach, but with an old feeling to it because it had brick walls and all that fun stuff.
The unit didn't have a set leader, everyone just worked together. It was only that girl and me who had real issues. My vampire person, which I now think was a guy, had a crush on the vampire girl so they were always together. As time went on the vampire guy who I first bumped into and me fell in love. I found out that he, despite his tough-looks was a sweet-heart who prefered not to fight and spent his time doing this like writing or drawing and stuff. His partner, he knew, had a long-time crush on him since they first met as children but he just saw her as a close friend and nothing more even though he tried to like her.
Because I was annoyed by the girl and jealous of her I tried to work harder to be a better partner to my vampire and more valuable to my unit because I knew I lacked a bit. The burly guy who was partnered to the vampire girl attempted to help me become stronger and he taught me weaponry and distance stuff. The girl who didn't like me would make fun of me and say that I was a liability to the unit which made me work harder. Eventually I did get stronger.
Time went on in the dream and eventually our unit became one of the best in the organization;and more groups joined our cause. The girl and I eventually settled our differences, especially when her vampire and I got together. My vampire and I continued to be a team and he continued to date the vampire girl and whatnot.
Then in the dream, it was fall and we were still at the college-like place. The school was mostly abandoned except for a few stray people there and our unit was spread out through the campus. We had wire walkie-talkie things to communicate if necessary. I was by myself sitting on a ledge of a high window looking down at the ground when I felt something was wrong. Jumping from the high ledge I landed on my feet and began making a round on the area I was supposed to cover.
A few civilian humans, college students, walked past me and I smiled and acted as though I were normal and kept making rounds. Although I saw nothing I still had a bad feeling. I was just about to call for back-up from my unit when an enemy came out and attacked me.
We got into a fight and I noticed it was a vampire guy and a ninja-like guy attacking me. The vampire was the weaker one compared to his partner I assessed to I spent time on him hoping to beat him down easily to take care of the ninja-like person. That was a stupid mistake because I was suddenly grabbed from behind from the ninja-like guy. I pulled walkie-talkie and screamed into it for back-up but before I could really say anything he took the wire and yanked it off my body and broke it. He then began to pull me into a restroom. I saw the vampire person who I was dating run after me but he was stalled by the vampire who attacked me.
I remember being dragged into the bathroom thinking I was going to die and thinking how it was my fault that we failed when the vampire I was dating rushed in and rescued me.
Then I remember our unit had to report to headquarters...I don't remember why though...and that was the dream.
Pretty awesome if you ask me. Well, except for the part where I made a mistake.
Well, in my dream....I don't even know where to start! It's just awesome! -___-
The dream had to do with two types of people (besides humans...but humans weren't important in this dream), vampires and ninja-like people. I don't know what the ninja-like people were...perhaps human. So there were these two groups of people. The vampires in my dream could go out in the daytime but for only very short periods of time before something bad happens to them. I suppose they drank blood too, but I don't remember that detail. I just knew they were vampires. In this dream the vampires were like, the top of the top, like royalty in a social hierarchy.
Next came the ninja-like people. I don't remember if they were human or not, but I knew they were special. These ninja-like people were special because there was something about them that made them "the chosen ones" among the vampires (not to eat!), so in a way they were second in the social-hierarchy scale because their job was to be partners to vampires, guardians and best friends (I know my dream sounds a lot like Vampire Academy by Richelle Mead, but it was different). These "chosen people" are trained to to be exceptionally skilled fighters and are very intelligent..so yeah ninja-like.
In the dream I was a ninja-like person. I don't remember if my vampire-person was a male or female, I think it was a male though. Anyway, so my partner and I had joined this organization for good because the world had gone into turmoil and evil groups of vampires/ninja-like people were plotting earth's destruction and trying to take it over.
So my partner and I walked into this large room that felt like a warehouse with no windows and there were other partnered people who were sizing each other up and mingling and some just stood together. My partner and I walked around for a little bit trying to get familiar with faces when I bumped into someone. Stuttering an apology I tried to laugh to release tension. I looked up and staring down at my was a vampire with long-ish dark hair and deep deep deep brown eyes. He, like all the other vampires and ninja-like people, was wearing black (Somehow the ninja-like people were wearing something or looked a certain way that it was easy to tell them apart from the vampires if they were exceptionally pale, and the vampires looked a certain way that made them easily distinguishable to the ninja-like people and other vampires but not to humans). So this guy looked at me and was like "that's fine, I know it was an accident". Because I could not stop staring into his eyes I blushed and he took my hand and shook it. The first thing I noticed was that he had remarkably soft hands. He told me his name but I forgot it at this point.
I then noticed his partner a severe looking girl who was really really tiny but looked like she could kill five people without breaking a sweat. That, and she was very pretty. Okay, I'll admit that in this dream I was kinda tiny too, being at the same height, only I was very thin. but compared to this girl, I felt very ungraceful and unruly. My vampire, knowing that I started to feel very uncomfortable, tried to save the moment by distracting her but it didn't work out very well.
Then the dream continued and somehow, that vampire who I suppose I had a crush on in the dream was paired with my vampire and me and another group with a vampire girl and a big burly ninja-like person, so we became a unit. Other units were formed and this warehouse place became our headquarters. My unit and I were then assigned to this place, I don't know what state we were in, but apparently there was activity there with evil ninja/vampire groups attacking the humans.
So my unit was assigned to this area with a large university, about the size of CSU Long Beach, but with an old feeling to it because it had brick walls and all that fun stuff.
The unit didn't have a set leader, everyone just worked together. It was only that girl and me who had real issues. My vampire person, which I now think was a guy, had a crush on the vampire girl so they were always together. As time went on the vampire guy who I first bumped into and me fell in love. I found out that he, despite his tough-looks was a sweet-heart who prefered not to fight and spent his time doing this like writing or drawing and stuff. His partner, he knew, had a long-time crush on him since they first met as children but he just saw her as a close friend and nothing more even though he tried to like her.
Because I was annoyed by the girl and jealous of her I tried to work harder to be a better partner to my vampire and more valuable to my unit because I knew I lacked a bit. The burly guy who was partnered to the vampire girl attempted to help me become stronger and he taught me weaponry and distance stuff. The girl who didn't like me would make fun of me and say that I was a liability to the unit which made me work harder. Eventually I did get stronger.
Time went on in the dream and eventually our unit became one of the best in the organization;and more groups joined our cause. The girl and I eventually settled our differences, especially when her vampire and I got together. My vampire and I continued to be a team and he continued to date the vampire girl and whatnot.
Then in the dream, it was fall and we were still at the college-like place. The school was mostly abandoned except for a few stray people there and our unit was spread out through the campus. We had wire walkie-talkie things to communicate if necessary. I was by myself sitting on a ledge of a high window looking down at the ground when I felt something was wrong. Jumping from the high ledge I landed on my feet and began making a round on the area I was supposed to cover.
A few civilian humans, college students, walked past me and I smiled and acted as though I were normal and kept making rounds. Although I saw nothing I still had a bad feeling. I was just about to call for back-up from my unit when an enemy came out and attacked me.
We got into a fight and I noticed it was a vampire guy and a ninja-like guy attacking me. The vampire was the weaker one compared to his partner I assessed to I spent time on him hoping to beat him down easily to take care of the ninja-like person. That was a stupid mistake because I was suddenly grabbed from behind from the ninja-like guy. I pulled walkie-talkie and screamed into it for back-up but before I could really say anything he took the wire and yanked it off my body and broke it. He then began to pull me into a restroom. I saw the vampire person who I was dating run after me but he was stalled by the vampire who attacked me.
I remember being dragged into the bathroom thinking I was going to die and thinking how it was my fault that we failed when the vampire I was dating rushed in and rescued me.
Then I remember our unit had to report to headquarters...I don't remember why though...and that was the dream.
Pretty awesome if you ask me. Well, except for the part where I made a mistake.
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