My heart...

...feels funny.

I feel...

...bubbly (damn, when I say the word bubbly I can't help but think of that song. >_<).

Mmmm...I don't like it!!


>.>

Seriously.

<.<

I don't like this smile that won't die. I don't like the giggles that escape my lips even as I type. I don't like the random out of no where blushes making my face red. I don't like any of it.

I hate it all.

Hate iiiitttt!

Because it's stupid.

Becase he doesn't deserve it.

HE deserves is. HE is Christ. He should be the bubbly feeling.

Crap. -____-

"Salem Falls" by Jodi Picoult book review

This is another excellent book by Jodi Picoult! She did a really good job at re-creating a modern day witch hunt. In this book, Jack St. Bride, a former teacher at a private school, is accused of a heinous crime to which he must prove his innocence. However, proving one's innocence is difficult when one is new to a small town without crime. Believing in one's own innocence is also difficult without love beside a person.

This is a great book! I would recommend it to most people, haha. =]

Take your time, take what you need to, peace of mind should never leave you...

Well, that was a super long title, but those are super great lyrics (FM Static...awesome band!!!)! :D Earlier today Jaymie, Natalie, Jon, and I got back from our trip to visit Jeff at Long Beach, Stephanie at Biola, and Kelli and Anna at Azusa.

I am SOOOOO freaking tired, my body is, but it was a very good trip. It was great seeing those campuses as well as our friends who are away.

First, we saw Jeff at CUSLB and we waited an hour just for him. In that time we got lunch and Jon met some of his friends at the school. Then when we finally see Jeff we got a tour of the campus. It's a nice campus...it's VERY big. We walked around it twice. And it was evil. Completely evil. I wish I was exaggerating but I'm not. My body hurts because of that campus, haha. But it was nice nonetheless.

Then we went to Biola to visit Stephanie. Biola is such a....darling campus! It's like...hmm..It's like a modern day fairytale! A modern day fairytale with a giant Jesus mural up a wall. O_o It's a really small campus compared to Long Beach and APU. Biola has only about 6 thousand students or so. It's such a fairytale campus because of it's size and there's just something about it that's just so...so...charming. I really enjoyed it though. It's really pretty. :] Hanging out with Steph was pretty fun too. We got dinner at Panera and then played Apples to Apples. Best game ever!

Then finally, we went to Azusa. I love that campus. I've been there once before and it is amazzzing. Both times we stayed with Anna and Kelli. This time they live in apartments that are part of the campus and the apartments are nice! I loved the way they decorated it(with the help of their other roomate). We went on a late-night adventure for doughnuts to which there were four of us in the backseat of Kelli's car...haha. Fun fun..then we watched "High School Musical 3"... :DD We spent last night at APU then today we went to the bookstore on the campus and Jaymie and I bought sweaters. Mine is bright pink and hers in lime green. Teehee. Then we came home.

It was a really good weekend...for the most part.....

but because of the evil of Long Beach, I don't know if I want to go there anymore, haha. I don't know. I have other campuses left to visit so we shall see, we shall see. But if I don't want to go to LB anymore, where do I want to go? That bugs me. I don't like NOT KNOWING what I'm going to do. I mean, I still want the major I want, but as for where I will complete it...ugggghh.

So I suppose the title of this entry and the line of the song is perfect. I still have time to ask God what's going to happen and what should I do and I just need to have peace....=]

17 Ways to like someone??

Hmm..this is interesting...let's see then...do I have all 17 symptoms?

SEVENTEEN:You look at their profile constantly.
Mmm..no. He doesn't have a profile for anything...at least I don't think he does.

SIXTEEN:When you're on the phone with them late at night and they hang up, you still miss them even when it was just two minutes ago.
Eh...sorta. Depends. I smile a little more after the conversation than before we talked. I only miss that the conversation is over, haha.

FIFTEEN:You read their Texts and Ims Over and over again.
No..but I keep his words in my head over and over.

FOURTEEN:You walk really slow when you're with them.
No? I haven't noticed. I think I'm just really thrilled around him that I don't know if I'm slow or fast.

THIRTEEN:You feel shy whenever they're around.
Not anymore, haha. Well, that's actually debatable. I mean, I can talk around him. I can laugh, but I'm not really 100 percent me. Haha.

ELEVEN:When you think about them, your heart beats faster but slower at the same time.
Sometimes. Lately, I just get happy. :]

TEN:You smile when you hear their voice.
OH YEAH. BIG time.

NINE:When you look at them, you can't see the other people around you, you just see him/her.
No. Haha. Because I'm jealous of the other people around him...just kidding. But I do notice others because that's the way I am and it amuses me to see how he interacts with others too.

EIGHT:You start listening to slow songs while thinking about them.
No. Well...lately, yeah, but not slow songs. It's like "Huh, this song reminds me of him."

SEVEN:They're all you think about.
It may seem like it but no, I am not that shallow.

SIX:You get high just from their scent.
Bahahahahahahaha...<.< >.> ..^///^ He smells nice. Almost as good as me. No, better than me! :o

FIVE:You realize you're always smiling when you're looking at them.
Yeah, I do. Only he doesn't see it. Today he told me that I'm "never happy". To which I responded, "Nope, I'm not, but I'm eternally joyful" to which he said "no, you're not. You're not that either." I then responded, "Haha, joy and happiness are different things, my friend. Don't you know?" After that he fell silent.
I win. :D

FOUR:You would do anything for them!
What's anything? Act weird and a bit foolish to make him smile if he's crabby? Yes, I would...but in private. Not a public spectacle. But no. Not really. I wouldn't...

THREE:While reading this, there was one person on your mind this whole time.
Well...yeah....I mean..it would have defeated the purpose if I didn't.

TWO:You were so busy thinking about that person, you didn't notice number twelve was
....

ONE:You just scrolled up to check & are now silently laughing at yourself.
...Well that's stupid. And no, I'm not.

Well, that was pointless, haha. So..do I like him or not? According to this, possibly not. But I don't think I'll judge liking someone by some stupid MySpace thing.

Let's see..what do I think liking someone is..

well..it's been different lately. In the past it's been really bad because I didn't like myself and I used a crush as an excuse to change. But now...hmm...let me think.

I want to be around him all the time. I want to be near him, because when I'm near him, I smile. When I'm near him, I'm happy..just like any other friend. And I want to make him happy. As much as I want to be around him, I want to give him his space because I don't want him to grow tired of me.

He makes me laugh. When he's not crabby, he makes me feel good about myself. Well, HE doesn't make me feel good about myself, but he's a helper. He's like a talking-mirror. Because I kept my mirror veiled for so long and when I took down the veil I put up a fun-house mirror, I distorted my image so I could hate on myself. Then I told God to take that way and He did. He put a real mirror in front of me and called me perfect.
And I'm starring at the mirror and I'm looking. Just looking. I immediately see all the faults, and "he", the talking-mirror, talks to me and points them out. Only he's not bad about it. He makes me see something I can't pin-point, brings it out, and shows me how to make it better.

When I'm around him, I'm shy and open at the same time. I can converse with him, talk with him about God,...I can give him a "fake wet willy"and argue with him and fight and know it's okay. We can spend a couple of hours just being stupid. Well..me being stupid and him attempting to confuse me...and usually succeeding. But I am shy because I can't sing and dance and be hyper-active around him because I'm still embarrassed, haha.

When I'm around him my heart..does something. I don't know. My heart pulls me to him, but I guess it's my emotions.

When I'm around him, I know I have a friend. I know I'm not his favorite friend. I know I'm very low on his list. But I know I am his friend. And I know that it's not the crush that's making me go to God about him. It's the spirit of Christ's love that compels me to do so.


Somewhere in my life...about 3 years ago, I decided that I was going to end up in an abusive relationship. I wasn't going to fight it because I thought that's how some people showed love.

Today I know I'm worth more than that. God wouldn't let that happen. And today I know that when I am perfectly molded at the right time, it's not going to happen. I won't settle for abuse. I want nothing less than a gentleman. Someone who respects others and me. :DD


Yeeeep....just felt like blogging....O_o

And did I seriously blog about my crush? Really? Faaaaail...hahaha. Go me. -____-

"Blood Promise" by Richelle Mead book review

A couple of hours ago I finished Blood Promise by Richelle Mead. The book is the 4th installment to the Vampire Academy series. And vampires...well, what can I say, I love them! In my defense, I was into vampires long before Twilight was popular...and even now, except for random conversations about vampiricy (is that a word or term?!), I'm not overly obsessed over them. I love reading about the way authors have twisted and molded the vampire mythology and made it their own. It's intriguing.

Well, anyway, back to the book review. So Rose goes on her search for her beloved Dimitri and there are, of course, many twists and turns along the way. I could not put the book down. And when I had to I couldn't concentrate I was out, wondering what would happen next! This 503-paged book was a fast read as a lot of teen books are, haha.

As the series progressed, I feel as though I can identify with Rose better than I can with Lissa. At first upon reading the first book in the series, I felt an attachment to Lissa because of her need to have everyone happy and to heal (yes, I get that into the books I read!). As the series progressed, however, I began to feel as though I could relate more to Rose.

In no way am I a super fit butt-kicking person like she is, but her emotions feel more....real than Lissa's. It's like Lissa has a hard time admitting she's wrong and she tries to hide her emotions a lot more (although her personality is a very "real" one that I would identify in a girl today) whereas Rose makes mistakes. She knows she's not the sweetest cookie in the batch. She knows she's brash and impulsive and she knows she makes mistakes. Although she's extremely stubborn when it comes to admitting it to others she can admit it to herself. She values justice and doing what it right. She would put her life on the line because someone she loves in danger. And I suppose I can relate more to that...hehe...yes, I do live in a realm of dorkdom. :p

Anyway, it is an excellent read, I would recommend it to anyone over the age of 15! Okay...maybe 14...but only because Mead blogged about her books being banned in a school district in Texas. They were banned for being too sexual for middle schoolers, and when I think about it, it's like "uhmm...yeaaah...they kinda are. That's why they are aimed for older teens...". I personally don't think there's too much wrong with Mead's books because situations in the book don't have much affect on me. There is underage drinking and some drug use. There is sex. But I think I am mature enough to know drugs and alcohol are bad and sex is a no-no when you're not married. :p

So yep...that's pretty much it.

What did we learn in this entry?
The Vampire Academy series is a must read! :DD

"To Hold the Crown" by Jean Plaidy book review

"To Hold the Crown" is the first book in the Tudor series written by Jean Plaidy. It is a good historical fiction book...with an emphasis on fiction, I suppose. This story was about Henry VII and Elizabeth of York.

Supposedly this book is supposed to be a love story of this royal couple, but I felt that as a romance, this book fell a bit short. It was a good read, there's no doubt about that, but to call it a "love story" would be using the term very very lightly. The book was mostly about the happenings of the kingdom, rather than a love story. When Elizabeth and Henry were mentioned together it was very brief. The story was more about how Henry VII ruled and political gain and their children.

I would recommend this book to those who like historical fiction. For those who are really looking for a love story, however, I would kind of recommend this book because of other side stories, but it's not a "true" love story. But for those who enjoy historical fictions, this is a great and captivating story!

"Maximum Ride book 1" by James Patterson review

Suuuch a good book! Eeep! I finished it this morning and it was great! I can't wait to read the next one, but unfortunately I must wait a while...*sigh*

Well, anyway, this book is great. It's about six kids who are genetic mutants who are on the run from the scientists who created them. These kids have wings. The oldest is named Maximum Ride, and she's the leader of the kids and yeah. This story is basically them trying to find out more about themselves as well as staying alive. It's really good. It's definitely a favorite...I know I don't make it sound that interesting, but it really is. =]

The only thing I don't like, it's just a personal weird quirk of mine, is the oldest character's age. She's 14, and the story is mainly told from her point of view. I suppose I don't like reading stories from that age's perspective because I was already there and it's over with, but in this book I didn't mind so much.

I would recommend it to anyone. It's amazazing.

And no, that was not a typo. =]

Teehee...secret time!

Wowzers, over the last 24+ a couple hours I've been in a really good mood, haha. Things that would normally turn me all "rawr hiss I will eat you grrr!" hasn't affected me as much or at all as a matter of fact. I'm very happy...I'm very joyful...huh, there must be something in the water, or something. :p I pray it lasts, though...I like the feeling! It makes me feel good...I feel really invincible, and that's just a corny thing to say. But it's true..so so true. :p That, and I'm a better person. I'm less...neurotic. Less insecure. Sure I apologize a lot, but I can joke more. I'm more comfortable in my skin. :p

Anyway...secret time!

Okay..well, I don't even know why I'm blogging this publicly instead of writing it in my own diary, but I feel in the mood to type instead of write...anyway! So..hahaha..so embarrassing. But..I'm weird, oh well.

So today in math class I was totally spacing out and doing my own thing while staring blankly at the board and at the teacher and I was just thinking my own thoughts and such. Anyway, so I was thinking...I pray for the person I'm going to marry. Hahahahahaha. I don't even know him and I'm praying for him. How awkward am I? Really awkward. And I remembered that I've written a couple of letters to him too. Letters I will probably forget in a few years, but letters that help me get out pent up emotions that I harbor now.

So yeah, that's a secret...well, obviously not anymore..gosh...so so lame....dorky! xDDD



Gosh, this good mood will be the death of me.

Watch, next week I'm going to be super suicidal emo depressed. -____-

>.>

<.<

*knock on wood*

=]

Book Review for "Eternity's Edge" by Bryan Davis

Yesterday I finished the book "Eternity's Edge" by Bryan Davis which is the second book in the "Echoes from the Edge" trilogy. It was pretty good. I liked this one more than I liked the first one and I can't wait until I get to read the final book! The problem is I don't have it yet!

Anyway! In this book Nathan and Kelly continue their quest between the three dimensions and all that fun stuff. This time, Kelly is blind for the most part. Also, in this book, Nathan finds out he has a supplicant called Scarlet. I really like her character. I guess it's because who she is. Throughout the book she refers to Nathan as her "beloved" but not in a romantic sense.

I think I liked Scarlet a lot because of that. She never refers to Nathan in a romantic sense, but she always calls him "beloved" and she always reminds him that "she had given him her heart but in a different way". I guess I thought that was super cute!

Anyway...I would recommend the book. :]


====

As for life updates? Well..nothing new really....mmm....nope, nothing new! Well....I guess I can say is that I am proud of myself for having control over a certain emotion. =] I suppose it's because the factors are a tad different, buuut...oh well. I'm still proud. And looking back on how I let that emotion go haywire in the past makes me feel kinda bad...

oh well.

C'est la vie! <333