Quotes.

Yesterday was Bible study with the older community group kids and that was much more fun that usual. Kaylee turned 11, and she knows that her maiko/minion-ship is soon to start. The kids were also treated with a very special guest last night. -_____-

But anyway, the lesson was on joy/happiness, showing happiness and joy as means of worshipping God, and all through the night, the kids (and me!) said the cutest things..I think this is why I love kids:

"Joy is when you climb through someone's window and sleep in their house!"

"See look, I'm crossing my legs! I'm really meditating!"

"Be a good boy Kyle. Go to church, love God. Respect women, and they'll respect you too....and give you chocolate!"

"Kissing and romance makes Serena joyful!"

"-...Really?
-Yes! Can I please write "Kaylee is your minion" on your glasses?!
-fine.."

-"I made a baby cry with a puppet."
-"Did the baby pee on you then too?"

-"Secrets don't make friends!
-So?"

"Shhh! We have to be quiet they're about to kiss! Serena wants to watch this part!"

"Serena, have you kissed a boy?"

"Okay kids, listen up. Boys are gross in jr. high and in high school, and in college.
-Yes, they're mostly gross until they're 25 or so, and then after that, they've matured.
-Don't kiss boys! Or girls, in your case, Kyle!"

-"No one should have to call someone 'Master'.
-Unless your name is Toby...>_>"

-"We're all in this together...*trail off*
-Wow Serena, I don't think I've ever heard you sing on free will.."

"Serena! How could you abandon me?! I'm supposed to be your minion!"

"Girls are gross."

"Boys are gross...except for my brother."

"Be as silent as a mouse.
-That's actually not very quiet, they make a lot of noise.
-Fine. In that case, be as silent as a ninja.
-But that's impossible!"







Kids...

:]

<3

"The Crow" by Alison Croggon. A Book review.

I love fantasy novels. I was very young when I first read Harry Potter, and I just went from there! There's just something special about fantasy novels that really take me away. Perhaps it is because they test the theory of reality, of what is, and what isn't. Magic can be all around us if we only take the time to look and listen.

"The Crow" by Alison Croggon is the third book in the Pellinor series. This book follows Hem and Saliman instead of Maerad and Cadvan, just like in the last two books. In this book, Hem meets an orphan girl named Zelika who has the fiercest temper, and he also befriends a white crow which he names Irc. In this book Hem finds that he has an important role to play in the destruction of the evil "Nameless One".

This book was well written. I enjoy the way Croggon writes as though she is re-writting history. There is a lot of explanation and a lot of background information so I never get lost when reading. Hem is such an adorable boy-character. However, for a boy, I do believe he is too soft. Then again, he is only around the age of 13, so that is allowed. It is interesting to see his view of things instead of just Maerad.

I think I would recommend this series to those who love fantasy and adventure. =]

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

So my last couple of posts have been so...hate-filled and depressing and all those other horrendous negative emotions. For that I apologize. Well I just recently read this article on Yahoo! which is called "101 everyday things that make people happy", or something like that. As I was reading the list I started to smile when I realized I could fully agree with some of them. I like to think that I find joy in the smallest and biggest things in life. Because I could not agree with everything on that list I've decided to make my own list and see how many things I find beautiful and how many things that bring me joy.....

P.s. These are in no particular order. Except number one. (:


1. God (bahaha, the list should end after that...)
2. Colors
3. Bare feet
4. Rain
5. A cool breeze
6. Hearing a favorite song on the radio
7. Owl City
8. Writing a story
9. Reading a book that I get completely lost in
10. Getting an A in class
11. Singing to a favorite song
12. Dancing
13. Romance
14. Finding a good quote
15. Hugs
16. Old memories
17. Children
18. Success
19. Knowing I made someone happy
20. Being good to others
21. Love
22. Guitars
23. Pianos
24. Seeing old friends
25. Making new friends
26. Getting a math problem right
27. Coloring in a coloring book
28. Disney movies
29. Harry Potter
30. Waking up from a really good dream that actually got to finish
31. Old photographs
32. Writing in cursive
33. Blank pages in an unused diary or journal
34. Breath-taking photography
35. Being needed
36. Flowers
37. Butterflies
38. Watching someone do a random act of kindness for strangers
39. Guys that are really good with kids
40. Chivalry
41. Good food
42. Summer days
43. The beach
44. Sunset
45. Meaningful late-night conversations
46. Best friends
47. All friends
48. Bubbles
49. Seeing the scale numbers go down
50. Being productive
51. Finding "the perfect" thing...whatever that may be
52. Cool nights
53. Stars
54. Good movies
55. Warm blankets
56. Penguins
57. Pandas
58. Narwhals
59. Laughing so hard it hurts
60. Stretching after a long drive
61. Family
62. Happy Endings (real and fictional)
63. Miracles
64. Cute words ("flippy floppies!")
65. Cool shade on a hot day
66. Great naps
67. Sleep
68. Getting a hand-written letter in the mail
69. Receiving a package in the mail
70. Accents
71. Adventures to new places
72. Music that moves the soul
73. The kindness of others
75. Carne asada fries
76. Warm soup on a cold day
77. Warm and crispy bread
78. Philosophy
79. Smiles
80. Big purses
81. Good smelling hair
82. Compliments
83. Cultural things
84. Learning something new
85. Beautiful dresses
86. Musicals
87. Seeing plays
88. Books on sale
89. Free things

Well, that's my list so far. I know there's more that makes me smile, but I can't think of anything else! :D

And now I don't feel so bad!!!

My Funny Heart

Despite it all, I still feel kinda down. Why should I? I mean...haha, I guess I get over-emotional sometimes, and it involves friendship. So I have a right to be emotional?

Well, whatever, either way I will be. I like to believe that I can be strong. I like to believe that things can't hurt me as much as they should. So, can I be strong in this moment where it is most needed? In a time where I can lose a friend who I love dearly as a brother? But it hurts. Here I am listening to a break up song when it's not necessary. But it is a good song. "Curtains Closing" by Rhianna...or it's called something like that. I like the lines that go "But you've put on quite a show, really had me going..." and there's more that I like, but at the moment, I don't feel like typing it out because my emotional distraught level just..sky-rocketed? That just means I'm more jittery and more annoyed than I was a few moments ago. I think it's funny. Nothing is as it seems. We what we long to see. We feel what we want to feel and to hell with the rest, right? Well, that was stupid of me. A fatal mistake. I'm only more so annoyed because I KNOW you got my message, but you're not going to respond to me. You'll just ignore it, and next time I see you, you won't acknowledge it. Things will still go on as they are right now. Well, that just sucks. You know what? I miss you, okay? I miss best guy friend #2. I miss the hours we spent laughing at stupidity. I miss the arguements. [Haha, I just realized how well the song, well, certain lines, fit you so well! You deserve a standing ovation for your show!] I miss the moments that you helped me get through stupid things like my shyness, and my inablity to be assertive. I miss that time at the beach where we stared at the water and talked about the future. I miss the times we watched those kids. I miss the times where we got along so well that it seemed too good to be true. Haha. I am a prophet, huh? I miss being the first people you told stuff to. I miss who I thought you were. What I don't understand is why do I get the act? Why don't I deserve the real you? Am I too much of a simpleton for you? Does it embarrass you to have a friend like me? Imperfect compared to all the other people that you are "close" to. Those who are always ready to look good whatever the time. Now I know I'm just going insane and crying over nothing, but at the moment, there is no worse pain that knowing you're losing a friend. I wish I could ignore you for as long as I plan to, but I know. I know you're going to disarm me with a smile. You're going to hug me. I'm going to break. Hmm, maybe that's why you don't like me that much. Right? *deep breath* Okay. "No one can make me feel inferior without my consent". That includes you. Well, if anything new comes out of this, I'm going to hold my head higher. I can see, now that I'll always have a better heart than you. I'll always give someone the honesty they deserve. I will never break someone's heart with lies. I will appear to be the person I truly am, be they friend, stranger, or foe. So friend, the curtain's closing on you, but opening for me, and instead of a play, I'm sharing my autobiography.

The Absence

It is such a nice day. The sun is out, but it's not very hot, which is good! There is the slightest breeze which makes it better. It's nice spring weather. Good enough to abandon sneakers for flip flops, but still cool enough to keep a warm jacket on.

It started off as a decent day. I went to the dentist which I hate. I have a great fear of those people, but after that I was fine. Tonight I will be having dinner with my brother which I'm glad for! I love going to Carlsbad. That is one beautiful city. Somehow, some way, I am always inspired whenever I'm there. I don't know if it is the reason why I am there or if there is magic in that simple place, but either way, it is wonderous!

What put me in this mood now is my quick-to-change emotions. I suppose that my emotions only change as quickly as they do under certain circumstances. Well then, I happened across one of those circumstances that would make me less than happy. When it comes to situations such as these, I wish I still wrote poetry.

Don't get me wrong, I still love it! I love cadences, rhymes, the way words slip onto paper, off the mouth, from the soul and heart like honey. It's beautiful. I miss the feeling from the pit of my stomach as my mind swirls with kind words and naked truths as I try to describe my feels in a way that states exactly what I long to say but at the same time circles the topic, revealing everything and nothing. I wish I could still do that.

I don't remember when I stopped writing poetry. I suppose my last poem was, well...hmm, I don't know, maybe summer or fall of last year, and for me, that is a looooong time. For me, poetry comes when my emotions are at their most intense peak. When they reach that moment, when everything is out in the open is when I can truly write.

A month or so ago I tried writing a poem to see if I could still do it, but because I was slightly apathetic to it all I left it unfinished. When I re-read it I found that I had simply wrote a piece of rubbish. Stupidity. And, quite frankly, blah-ness. Even as I say that, I feel like taking it all back. What I wrote did not need to be written, for in the end I had written an almost prayer. Things that have been going through my mind for the longest time, but on paper, it was unnecessary.

Yes, I do have an absence of poetry in my life. I miss it. I hate what absence brings. At this moment, I realize that very soon I will be letting go a few other things. Absence for me is like ripping a picture in half. Say there are a group of people in the picture, and then I rip someone out, then there is only an empty space of where that person used to be. That's how it is for the things and people in my life.

I was never meant to say good-bye. I cling to those I love with all my heart, mind, and soul, but for some reason, the most cherished get taken away. At this moment in time, I don't know what to make of that. Hmmmm...

Either way, as I struggle to grow, and learn to say goodbye, I suppose, that, if I must, I will get used to this absence...

Yesterday, Today....Tomorrow?

Past.
On Saturday I went to my friend's baby shower. She is a year older than me, and I have known her since I was about 8, I believe. Her baby is due "April 25" or something like that, but it looks like it may come sooner. She's very round! I saw old friends at her party, friends whom I have grown up with, which was a nice surprise. At first I didn't want to stay very long because I was afraid I was going to be out of place. I mean, I left the church, do I have reason to come back? One of them, a girl a year older than me, had gotten married a week ago and she is several months pregnant. She's going to have a girl and the due date is July 12. Her husband, wow it feels weird to say that, is much older than her. He's in his mid-twenties I believe. He seems nice, although he did not say much. They are both weird and they look very good together. I hope it works well for them. I saw a bunch of old faces there too, people from the church I used to go to. They were really surprised to see me and greeted me very kindly. One of the ladies came up to me and spoke to me in Spanish. I smiled at her and replied in Spanish which surprised her. A couple of years ago, although I was in Spanish class and understood much more than I do know, I was too shy to say anything because I was afraid that I would say something wrong. So what I learned that a lot of people are pregnant and I can speak Spanish fairly well. It's kind of amusing in a way. I was talking to my friend who was recently married and she asked me if I had a boyfriend and I said nope and I don't really want one. Which is true. At the present time, I don't want one. I want to focus on school and getting where I want to be. It's weird. I've always been school-oriented, but I remember that a couple years ago, when I was with them, I don't know, I was more intent on getting married. On being taken care of, of having a family. Sure, I still REALLY want that, but I want to be able to support myself until then.
While catching up with everyone I smiled and was surprised and kind of sad as I realised that time goes by so quickly. While there, haha..while there as I listened to everyone, I suddenly thought "I can't wait to go home to tell Dad about everyone!". Then I remember, Dad's not at home, I don't live there anymore, and I can't talk to him anymore, which made me sad and feel stupid for a while.


Present. Today I did childcare with the kids again. It always gives me such joy to be with those kids. We had all boys today...8 in total and they were all great. The lady who worked with today constantly told me that it was such a blessing to watch me with the kids and how I was great with them. She assumed that I was a teacher because I was great with them. I just love kids with a passion. They make me so happy. Since I've started working in the two year old room, it's been several months already, a year in May or June I believe, and I have loved watching the kids grow up.
Cobyn is SO big! He turns two in August, but he's a big boy. He's entered a really friendly stage. When a kid came in who was very shy I told him to go say hi to the kid and he did with a big smile and kindness.
Justus is new to my room, but he is the sweetest thing. He takes my finger and he doesn't let go which warms my heart. He's so kind and gentle-hearted with a ready smile. He loves basketball and loves trying until he makes a basket. Apparently when I left the class to use the restroom quickly he had the saddest face until I came back.
Armando is so cute too. He's a good kid with the biggest dimples. He's very shy at first, but goodness his smile melts my heart.
Abraham understands Spanish much more than he understands English. He really keeps my mind alert, especially because I constantly need to search my mind for the right vocabulary word. He is so energetic and loves to rough-house. Still he is very attached to me.
Ethan has recently left my room and has moved on to the three year old room, but today he decided he wanted to be in my classroom. He is sooo funny. He's my big helper. He likes to help clean up and he's very smart.
The kids are very important to me. They make me so happy. They are the best things ever.
More on "today"...I'm on spring break. I've been assigned Math and Sociology homework. Math will hurt my brain, as always, but I really don't want to give up. I need at least a C and I hope I can do it. Sociology will be a breeze, so I should get to doing that soon. I'm visiting Jaymie at APU and spending the night this week too. That should be exciting. =] Thank God for friends! And kids!

Future.
Friday, Natalie and Jon went with me to visit CSUN. I am almost positive that this is the school I want to go to. It's a beautiful campus and very large. I'm hoping that I get in. I don't know, maybe it was the day that we went, a good day with a great cool breeze, or the opportunity to be introspective, but I fell in love with the school. I didn't walk in and the school didn't "call" me, but I don't know. I am very pleased with this school.
It's so crazy to believe that I'm in college. In reality, I have 5 or 6 years of school left. I'm scared. But excited. This is a crazy ride, life. I still wish I had all the answers. I wish I was as confident as I can sometimes pretend to be. I was I was as sure as I pretend to feel.
I can only pray. I can only let go.
At the same time I realize, it is my time. Here is every chance I ever wanted. Here is the time I can make my dreams come true. Here is the time God can use my greatly, now and forever. Sometimes I feel like it is all one big dream. I'm going through life kind of dazed. Some moments are more memorable than others. Some days I'm more happy to be alive than any other days. Although I prefer to watch the world, I know that it is time again for me to join the parade. So...

Am I here?

Here I am.

If I were a boy...

Well I just got finished writing my new short story Too Good to be true. It is from a boy's, Hadrien's, point of view. At this point in time, I don't know how I like the story. I think I like the ending, but I don't know if my thoughts and ideas were as clear as I wanted them to be. I also know that I need to majorly edit the story that I've printed out (in green ink!). On paper I see things better than on the computer. Also, I started off writing in one tense and ended in another so I need to change that. I think I'm going for past tense.

If I were a boy, or if a boy were to read this, I wonder what they would think. I mean, I try to get into the character's role, my characters' role especially, and try to "be them". I try to be who I made, think how they would think, and then write what I think they would do. I noticed that when I write boy characters they are horribly flawed or they are very unemotional or too emotional. I don't know why. Maybe it's because when I give the guys their flaws, I can relate to them somehow which makes it easier for me to write...I should try to break that habit.

So, I think, if I were a boy....I would be horribly offended by myself for thinking boys thought like this..alas...I am simply a girl...

oh well. Off to watch "Son in law"! It was filmed at CSUN so that's fuuunnn....=DD

Mind Detoxification

So I decided to be nice to my brain and let loose some of the excess thoughts floating around so it can breathe. Who says I'm not good to my body?! :D Anyway, so this is pretty much a jumble of thoughts that have been floating around in my mind for some time. I wish I could write this all out in my journal, but I really don't feel like it. For me, cursive is very natural and do you know how long it would take for me to write all of this in cursive?! Gah! I don't even want to think about it! To make up for it, I get a 4 day weekend (well 3...Sundays are always very busy for me), so I'm allowed to take a little break. :)

First off, I've been thinking about missionss, curbs and parades, and time since the speaker came to our church on missions Sunday. I really enjoyed what he had to say. I think the funny thing is, apparently the mike turned off when he was speaking and it never turned back on. I wonder if anyone had trouble hearing him. Personally, I heard him loud and clear, and I think that's a God thing. =] Anyway, so he started talking about missions and such. It really got me thinking (as many other things do). I've always wanted to go on a mission...well, I wanted to be a missionary in middle school, and then after that I just had the strongest desires to see the world, to help people which is why I considered the Peace Corps for a while in sophomore year. Now, I still want to go on a mission trip. I signed up for the Mexico day-trip which I think will be a good start. As for now, all I can do is pray on it. I know that if I am to go on mission trips that are longer than a day, I'm going to need some serious humbling. I mean, I think I will be able to handle the missions, but I just need to clean my heart a bit more, if that's the term I'm going for. Now that I think about it, realized that I've been a bit selfish in my thinking. I believe that the best time for me to go on a Mission trip would be now, before I get my Master's degree, because I believe once I get my Bachelor's, after that, I won't have time to do much of anything except study for my Master's. In a way that's kind of selfish, I'm pretty much telling God "use me now or never"! I'm not trusting His time. He does things on HIS time not mine. Everything will work out in the end.

Next, school. Auuuggggh! Math is stressing me out to no end! I have a really bad grade, but I refuse to drop because I want out of Palomar as soon as possible. I'm transfering. I just need at least a C in math and I'm good. I really need help in that class though so I'm asking friends. My problem is that I hate asking friends for help. I know I have a few math-genius friends who are willing to help me, but the point is I get afraid to ask. I don't want to seem stupid. When it comes to math, I am in fact, stupid. Graphing might as well be another foreign language that I can't seem to figure out. I mean, I know I am good at other subjects. Some sjubjects I don't even have to study and I'll get an A no matter what because that's who I am....Spanish is a class that I have to study for if I want to pass, but it's no where near as difficult as math. Jaymie says she's willing to help me and I hope she can. When someone teaches me math, the best approach to teaching me that atrocious subject is to pretend they are teaching a toddler. They would reaaaaalllly need to dumb it down. =[

I plan on taking summer classes, Speech and Statistics through Sociology. So far, the classes I am interested are Monday-Thursday which is kind of annoying, but I'll take it. I get out of school at 1 so that means I'll have plenty of time for a job! Hopefully if I get a job, I will still have time for friends and fun this summer...

Still going with school....I don't even know where I want to transfer to after Palomar! I'm visiting CSUN with Jon and Natalie on the 19th and that's kind of my first choice school at the moment. After that I am considering Fullerton and also San Jose State. OF these 3 schools, none are really calling to me. I don't even think I want to go to Fullerton...I don't even know why I am considering it. I think I really wanted to go there for a little while, but now I feel apathetic to it. I kinda wish I had a "dream" school, like Jaymie is with Azusa, like Jakob is with NYU, and like Sandra (in my Philosophy) class is with Fullerton. Somehow if I had that, maybe the choice would be easier. I still know what I want to do, Social Work, but where I'm getting it is still a mystery. I start applying in October which I would like to think is very far away, but in reality, it isn't. *sigh*. Again, trusting God with life!

I've gained more weight. =[ Bah. No bueno. It is because I'm not moving around as much as I usually do...not that I was a gym rat in the past. I did dance and that kept me a stable weight if anything. Now that I'm not doing much the pounds are packing on. Gah, I really need to start walking or doing some other form of excercise. Anything that keeps me moving and on the go! I try to make my mind take light of the weight gain situation, but I just can't. I hate knowing that I'm getting fatter. It scares me. It scares me in shallow ways as well as deeper ways. My mind wants to automatically go back to no eating until the scale says I'm 5 pounds less, but I know that's not good because I won't stop at 5 pounds. To this day I know that something in me internally is..."broken". I threw something off whack with my whole "no food" thing, and for that I will pay for a very long time. Goodness. =[

Also, I've been thinking about personality. It is said that once a person reaches some time in their 20's their personality pretty much doesn't change. I wonder if that's true. To some extent I know it is. I wonder if I will change. I still think I have room to mature, but right now, I don't know. I hope I mature, I don't like the idea of staying with my mentality forever. If I can change myself, I hope I can gain back the maturity I was known for. I would like to stay child-like in a way that means I will always be a learner and that I won't have "prejudice filters". I want to see people for who they really are, regardless of shape, size, color, religion, gender, whatever. I don't want to judge. I'm getting more into the arts and I hope that's something that continues to grow. I hope my love for beauty in the natural world continues to grow. I hope that I will always be flexible. I hope my gentleness can extend to everyone instead of stretching to just children and the person I'm sweet on at the time. I hope my love never ceases. I hope that I can simply impersonate a butterfly...beauty, gentle....God's beautiful creation.

I have a story idea floating in my mind, but I don't know what to do with it. It's a magical realism/fantasy idea. It's based on Plato's theory of the soul. Also, this is a real story I think, not a short story that will sustain me for a while. I hope to go somewhere with this!


Well, my brain feels a bit lighter! It feels really nice to get all these thoughts out on.....inter-space? I know that in a few minutes they'll all come back though...oh well...at least I'm free for now! :DD

"Crusader" by Edward Bloor. A Bookreview.

When reading Crusader, I read it when a different though in mind. I read from a sociological/psychological point of view. In this book, Roberta Ritter, a shy and plain girl, deals with hate crimes in the mall she works at (her family's vitrual reality arcade) as well as deals with her mother's unsolved murder that took place 7 years ago.

While reading this novel I tried to understand everyone's perspective in this book. I tried to understand why Kristin felt the need to be a terrible person to the boys. Why Roberta seemed emotionless at times, and countless other "whys" that the characters and situations showed.

Crusader was a decent book to read. It is qute lengthy and it is a story that has a realistic theme.

Recommended for those who have time.

"Wish You Well" by David Baldacci. A Bookreview.

Wish You Well was given to me by a friend for Christmas, and I have just now finished it, after reading it for a week or less. When I first god this book I judged it by the inside flap; I didn't think it looked very interesting. After reading a few books since Christmas and remembering I promised myself I would read this novel, I quickly fell in love with it.

This novel by David Baldacci has indeed become one of my favorites. It is sooo good. It is a story that takes me in Virginia in the mountainous region in the 1940's. After a car-crash leaves Lou and Oz without a father and a mother who is in a coma, brother and sister go to live their life with their great-grandmother in the land where their father grew up but never returned to. Here is where the children do their most growing and meet friends and foes that captivate readers from start to finish.

The characters in Wish You Well are beautiful and very believable. They are "real" in a sense that they aren't indestructible nor emotionless. They are your average, but extraordinary characters that one can imagine having a conversation with or passing in the street. With beautiful child-like faith and dialogue that greatly augmented to the characters of the book. Baldacci also used the right amount of imagery to allow his readers to easily imagine life on these mountains as we follow Lou and Oz on their adventure.

What I really enjoyed about this book is the ending. I don't want to give too much away, but I think it ended perfectly. Almost how life would end, but there are fictional moments in it.

I would recommend this book to someone who's looking for something to read that is not a love story for once, for people who love coming of age tales, and for those that love stories that warm the heart. :]