"The Last Song" by Nicholas Sparks book review

I am a sucker for Nicholas Sparks novels. I've only read a small handful of them, but I loved every one. He is easily one of my favorite authors. The Last Song, his latest novel, has become one of my favorite novels.

Just like his earlier novel A Walk to Remember, the main characters in this novel are teens fresh out of high school, so around the age of 18. The love interest is a girl named Veronica "Ronnie" Miller and a boy named Will Blakelee. In a way their story is typical, after reading many love stories, all stories become typical, but it is still very cute.

What I really liked about this book is how Sparks found a way to incorporate God into the novel. This book is about second chances and forgiveness and doing the right thing even when it is tough. That is a great universal lesson for everyone in every age group. Also, Sparks did a great job in showing the Biblical version of love in this novel. I thought that was pretty spectacular. =]

Another thing that really struck me in this novel was how it reminded me of my dad. Of course it made me cry, but at the same time it was a very beautiful.

While reading this novel I pictures certain actors in my mind knowing that this book is in production to being a movie. However, once I went on Nicholas Sparks's website I found out Miley Cyrus is to play Ronnie in the movie that will be coming out soon. Needless to say I was very disappointed at the thought of that. Oh well...it should prove to be an interesting movie then!

And, obviously, I highly recommend this novel. :DD

"Cry of the Icemark" by Stuart Hill book review

Cry of the Icemark is one of the true fantasy novels I've truly read. In this novel there are talking Snow Leopards, vampires, werewolves, and warlocks. In this novel a 14-year-old girl becomes Queen of the country of Icemark and must protect her small kingdom from the invading force of the Empire. In order to do so she builds alliances with mythological creatures, creatures she herself did not believe to be real until she encounters them.

The young queen, Thirrin, is described as a short-tempered girl, and throughout the novel Hill does a could job at keeping her in character. Thirrin remains short tempered throughout the entire novel and is described to be a good Queen. However, I think that Hill did not put much emotion into her...well less emotion than other female protagonists I've read about. This book also, along with fantasy, is about war and strategy and such. After reading it, I believe that "The Empire" that invades other countries resembles the Roman Empire. It was a good novel to read, and it was different from what I normally read so that was quite refreshing.

This novel left the impression that if I were to take away anything after reading this book I should take away the lesson that "miracles happen" and friendship is true strength?

I would recommend it. =]

Ho Hum and a Bottle of Rum

You know, I don't know why people enjoy drinking so much....especially pirates. What's so great about rum. Really? It smells gross...then again, perhaps I have a really strong gag reflex. Huh, who knows. I don't!

Second random point to make...isn't Owl City amazing? I think they (he?) are/is. Whenever I listen to his music (like now!) I have a sudden desire for it to be summer break and for it to be the middle of the night. I desire this because I just imagine myself lying in an open meadow, sometimes with friends, sometimes by myself just staring at the vast indigo/deep blue sky littered with a million stars and there's a nice breeze too. Wowzers, I'm such a dork, haha. =p

Anyway, that's not the reason for the blog, but those were two random things I had to say. Well, anyway, today was quite fun. =]

This morning I went to first service because at second service I am the Sunday school teacher in the two-year old room. The sermon was good, I stayed awake for it, thanks to God. It was funny in a way, me being so tired. I was just thinking about how the Enemy could attack me, and I suppose he has been doing it already. The arguments with the people closest to me, the lame working schedule, and me nodding off during Dale's preaching. I suppose I never thought things like that could really happen to me, or at least not in ways like this...because..this just seems so...small, I guess. I plan on doing the 7 days of prayer thing. Hopefully that goes over well. I think it should...As for the attacks, I just gotta look to Jesus! I mean, really. I still struggle with anger and jealousy and other stupid negative emotions that I'm fairly good at keeping buried (meaning I don't lash out), so Satan was able to play that card on me. And also the working schedule, that was a dirty trick. This will technically be the first Christmas Mommy and I spend together (the last years I don't really count because she was asleep and I spent the hours curled up in myself) and I have to work...especially on New Year's Eve/Day. Also my wandering thoughts and sleepy mind. I love Dale's sermons, sure I can't remember them word for word, but I really like hearing them and taking what he has to say to heart and the enemy was trying to use that against me today by making me soooo sleepy. -_- Well I took a nap, so ha! Beat that Satan! Owned! :DDDD Plus another first service note, today a lady asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I responded "genuine love from friends and family is enough". I realized as I said that...it was true, all I want is just a simple hug (a real one, not the one armed hugs!) and a "happy Christmas, I love you" from the bottom of a friend's/family member's heart is enough for me...but it sounds so selfish...I guess it is because I am so insecure and dependent..because I cannot find good in myself. ._.

>.> Well, that was a weird paragraph...anyway, so after first service, second service rolled around and I was with the babies. Normally Mike, my teaching partner, is there somewhat later than me and today I heard the music start and I'm like "O_O...Mike? *sad*". Cj failed to tell me the Porters' are out of town so I was like "No! I can't do this by myself!". Cj asked me if there was anyone I knew who I could do this with and I said Jakob because he is always with me during Community Groups and he's good with kids and I felt comfortable around him. Cj told me to go get him, I was like "No, you get him. If you go, it looks more official and important". So Cj went, Jakob came, and it went well....-______-''' Ugggh, yeah, it went well...haha. But I think, since Mike is leaving in February, Jakob said he'll be my partner for a while, which is great! So, yeah, Sunday School went somewhat well..I changed a poopy diaper and ran into a door...

Tonight was the College Group Christmas party, I had fun there! It was a White Elephant Exchange so I ended up with the bow and arrow...and ended up trading last minute for the clock, which will be Delaine's Christmas gift (shh! Don't tell!), bahaha. I realized I like talking to guys. It irked me somewhat. I'm not too bothered by it...I'm only weirded out by it when I notice. But..there's something about girls that make me uncomfortable (wow, I sound....bi...). Like, I feel like I'm being subjected to scrutiny more so than with a guy. -_- So yeah, party was fun!

Now I'm home. I uploaded pictures a while ago....they make me happy. :D

Yep.

I was thinking about life...again. The usual stuff. I wish I was gifted with an artistic talent. As I sit here in my chair, in front of my laptop, listening to Beethoven and Owl City, I ponder about life. I could be doing something so much more....useful to the world. But I don't have talents like that, haha. Sad day. But right now I'm wondering is all my big dreams will come true. I'm somewhat determined, but there are so many smarter, more deserving, more...more...just more better minds out there and it is hard to compete with all of that. I want my Master's, but am I intelligent enough to get it? I have so much more thinking to do about life. Especially about..well..

just...one of my dreams I need to give to God. Haha. Maybe in a few years I'll be able to laugh at myself. I hope I can. =]

I saw the Princess and the Frog. It was a good movie. I liked this princess movie because it showed that love is really what everyone needs. You can be this super hard worker as determined as a Japanese kid applying for the top high schools and colleges in their countries (was that racist? If it was, I'm sorry..-_-), but without love that work will not fill any holes in the heart. =\

Yep. That's life.

Ho hum and a bottle of rum. =]

A Little Bit Longer and I'll Be Fine

All's well that ends well.
This is the beginning of the end.
A single stepping stone in a life time of stones.

Today was the last day of school, yayness! I had my Psycholgy and Math final today. Ehhh...I'm not very excited to see my grades. I have high B's in all of my classes (except math), so I should do well overall I hope. Either way, I'm just thankful for these few weeks of break. =]

I'm also quite happy because I have a job (seasonal, most likely), so that'll keep my busy for the time between breaks so I don't get too lazy. I work at Target as a cashier, haha! I actually really like the job. I like talking to customers, it's fun. I don't like working the sales floor though. When I'm on the floor I just pretty much make things look presentable. I don't like the job because I don't know where anything is which makes me feel bad whenever a customer asks me where something is. >.< January 1, 2010. Yikes! It's already going to be 2010! The year went by so fast! Geebus! I'm sure they're only going to go by faster...So yeah, no community groups. That's fine, I get a bit of a break, haha. I bought my kids gifts. I guess I tried to make the gifts go with their personalities....well, at least I tried to, haha. For Marlena, I got her a gift card to Borders because I know she likes to read. For Nathan I got him a Peanuts calendar. For Kyle, I got him a Garfield calender...I pretty much got the boys calenders because I don't know what boys like, haha. Girls are soooo much easier to shop for! For Mia, I got her this really colorful bead necklace and braclet because she has such a loud personality. For Riley I got her this turtle thing that makes noise, and for Kaylee I got her this cool-looking journal. Natalie helped me pick out the gifts. I hope the kids like them...that's part of the reason I told them they had to wait until Christmas to open them, haha. I also bought Christmas gifts for friends as well. I think there are a couple more people I have to shop for, but I don't know what to get them! For some, I feel obligated to buy gifts because they have either bought something for me already or I talk to them a lot and I'm giving gifts to everyone close to me....neh, can I just be super rich please? Tonight instead of doing a lesson with the kids it was just a Christmas dinner thing with the group. That was interesting. I twitched involuntarily and uncontrollably when Jakob messed with the kids minds. It was annoying. For the most part though I sat and listened to the kids tell stories and it amused me. Mia was very loud, of course. She kind of reminds me of Jaymie in a way. Very quick to answer a question in my lesson and always there with a story. If it's not her it's Marlena...I think she reminds me of me because she has this interesting personality that's slightly harsh...haha. I love them. After dinner the adults ate and Jakob and I took the kids upstairs to watch The Prince of Egypt. I like that movie a lot. It was a great childhood movie. Then Jakob and I started talking about pagers because of a commercial on TV when Marlena asked me "what's a pager". I was like "oh gosh I'm old!"....yep.

So community groups...break time! For the next couple of weeks I'm looking at work. I need to copy down my schedule for next week again, haha...unless if I can find it. O.o

Ugggh...tonight went terribly. I let my emotions get the better of me, again. Faaaaail. I hate it when that happens. Mostly because I'm an assuming and negative mind, I think harshly. I don't know....Tonight I sat there and goodness I wanted to cry. No, I'm not on my period. I just wanted to curl into a ball and cry, which was bad..and I think that only happened because my mind takes things to the next level (sometimes it's not always bad. But tonight was kinda negative. What I mean by next level is, example, this happened today with Natalie.
Me: So I should by that penguin book and save it
Nat: yep for your wedding night!
me: yep! So after my husband reads it, it's like "okay! Let's consummate our marriage! Wow...I did not need to take it to this level....). I kinda wrote a poem...or not really...it's just this little thing that's really really bad and ugly, haha, but I will finish off this post with what I wrote.

I think I'm so rash because I lie to myself. A lot. Maybe because he's different. Uggh, I hate blogging about him because it just shows me how pathetic I am and how I try to deny a lot of that pathetic..ness...T_T But, what the flyingflipping heck, I'm going to blog it out.

He's so different from a lot of my friends. It disturbs me and angers me and makes me so annoyed. With a lot of friends I know they love me, they've told me, and there's something in their actions that show me that they love me. But with him, he's neutral...he's cold. It is so hard to understand his feelings. Maybe it is because I try to demand things from him without saying them out-right.

But tonight was another emotional snap, I think...but not an angry one. We were arguing a lot tonight and for some reason, I could not take it. So all in all, I screwed up royally. The arguing was how it normally is, and things were just fine and...better than fine, but I just screwed it up with my freaking emotions gah. Maybe it is a good thing he will go off to some big university sometime soon. Because I'm a terrible person I hoped he would stay close to home, but I realize...that whole story with the two mothers and the baby, the mother that was not the baby's true mother was willing to let the king cut the baby in half, but the true mother sacrificed her child and said let the other woman have it so her baby wouldn't be killed.

Maybe it's like that. I don't him to go far away because I'm terribly selfish and a part of me is still a child and holding, hoping, and praying for something impossible. But the part of me that grows up realizes that because I love him I need to let him go.

Yep.

But tonight....was bad. And it happened with an audience, so of course I was embarrassed. I did what he hates the most, but at the time I wanted to evoke some emotion in him. Something definite...only because I am so insecure. I'm glad I won't be seeing him for a while...but at the same time I'm scared. I did something stupid. What if I ruined what I desired in the first place? I'm scared because with someone like him things can go either way. *sigh*...tonight's episode is a major FML.

Anyway...as promised, I will close with what I wrote:

Can you feel my heart way over here

the pain and yearning from being so near.

Every word I take to heart,

keeping it locked like treasured art.

Can you feel me so close to you,

pleading and praying for a relationship, new?

When you look at me, what do you see,

do you see another face, or do you see me?

See? Suuuuper corny and dumb, haha.

...And tomorrow New Moon with Juliet in the morning! Haha...

"The Time Traveler's Wife" by Audrey Niffenegger book review

The Time Traveler's Wife is such a beautiful story! It's a favorite, that's for sure! Before I read this book I had already seen the movie, and, of course, movies are never as good as the books. Now that I have finished the book, I still think the book was better (of course), but the movie was pretty good too. =]

The characters in this book are interesting; each character has their own personality that is so believeable and real. Compared to other books I have read, the characters that Niffenegger created are very original. Clare is not a helpless or psycho-independent female, and Henry is not a prince perfect knight in shinning armor, he's just an agerage librarian who happens to be a time traveling sex-addict. Each character has their flaws (big and small) that make them believable, as though you'd expcet to see this person walking down the street.

I enjoyed the way the author told the story, how she switched between point-of-views. Also when telling this story, for obvious purposes, Niffenegger used a chronological time-line to help the reader understand where Henry is, whether it be past, present, or future. One thing I really like specifically was the way the author incorporated real events into the novel, such as the 9/11 terrorist attacks.

Only a couple of things made me uncomfortable when reading this book. One BIG thing was the intimacy between Henry and Clare that Niffenegger wrote, and also the relationship between Gomez and Clare. Those couple of things irked me...but I suppose it was necessary in keeping the book original and believable.

Obviously, time was a theme in this book. Time and waiting. When I finished the book I began to think about Clare and how she is always waiting for Henry, even at the end. It made me wonder about myself. In a way, I can relate to Clare's waiting but in two different ways. As a girl she waited on Henry to visit her in the clearing, but she also waited on him to notice her, I suppose. That is something I can easily (>.<) relate to, haha. Heck, any girl can relate to that, waiting on that stupid boy to notice them. Also in the end, when Clare decided she'd still wait on Henry, it turned into a different kind of waiting. She knew he would come, she just didn't know when. That waiting is something I, and I'm sure others, can relate to, but maybe not in the same way. Clare knew Henry would come some day, but when, she wasn't sure. For a lot of girls, and even guys too, it's the same. A lot of people wait on "the one". They know he or she will come, but when they will come is unknown, so they simply wait. Clare is a different case because she knows Henry. O_o

All in all, this book was really good, it's a favorite (despite awkward moments), and maybe one day I'll re-read it....bahaha...recommended! :D

My Dreams Are Bursting at the Seams

I am a drop in the ocean. In a crowd of a million people, I am a faceless and nameless passerby that you will forget after your eyes have scanned over me. I am average. I make B's in school with the occasional A. I am the girl who smiles at you when you're walking down the street. That's a real smile too, because I am happy to be alive and I want you to feel that happiness too, but you're just another person who will look and look away so you don't have to smile. I'm the girl who sings when she walks to her car, and the girl who dances when leisurely walking gets boring.

I am insignificant to a million people. I am nothing to them. I don't have a soapbox to stand on, and I don't have a special talent that can touch many.

But when I die, today I understand that I can be...proud of all that I accomplished. I put a smile on the faces of those whom I love. I comforted the fears of children who looked to me for guidance. I was compassionate to those who needed to know they weren't alone. I held the hands of many who needed to know that someone was on their side. I listened to the voices that yearned to be heard. I worshipped and cried tears of joy when You set my soul afire. I saw beauty in things some couldn't see. I showed love to everyone I could.

When you're old and gray and/or are in the last few days before your breath ceases, what can you say you accomplished?

There are many who are more significant than I. There are those who people are always following and watching and listening to. There are those who are at the top of the top, the best of the best, the cream of the crop. Many of those people die without knowing true joy.

I am not saying all of this to boast or to be proud, but this is in fact, something that amazes me. I don't do much. I'm lazy as heck, I want to curl into myself and hide in my imaginary turtle shell when I meet someone new, and I usually prefer the company of books to people. I amazed that I accomplish so much.

How did this happen? How could such as wretched, insignificant, lowly creature such as myself do all this?

Well, boys and girls, I did nothing. It was all God. Look at what he has done with me.

My prayer, one of the many prayers, has always been for Him to use me, some way, some how. When I pray, I scream to Him, "God, here I am! Right here, God! Look, use me! Me, Lord!" Somehow, because I am still a child at heart, I dream that maybe I'll make a name (or rather, God will make a name for me), that after my body has returned to the earth from which I was created that my name will live on. A girl, a woman, who glorified God with all that she was. She changed the hearts of many. She left a big impression. My child-like self dreamt, and sometimes still dreams that.

But I am humbled to find that my prayer has and is coming true still. Sure, people across the world do not know my name, heck, few remember me because I curl into myself, but, I have changed lives because of God. Without Him, I am insignificant and lack a purpose. With Him, I am a most dazzling precious treasure, and that, kidlings, is hard to believe.

But, at this time, I still remember I am young. Just barely an adult of 18...so yes, still a child in many ways. I do believe there is more I can do for God. There is more left that He has planned. He's not through yet.

That excites me. That makes me smile. It also gets me thinking about who I am, how my personality has been molded. I love kids. I squeal at the sight of a baby and seeing one smile melts my heart. When I watch a movie of this adult couple going through a terrible divorce, sure, my heart breaks for them, but I am constantly thinking, "the kids. What about the kids?!" I can't stand to see people genuinely hurt. I can't stand tears; I wish it was me instead of them. I don't like sadness in other people, I can't stand it. I love unconditionally, I love everyone I meet (despite curling into a mental fetal position when meeting someone new and preferring books to people). I am a hopeless romantic.

All of those...well, maybe not the last one, can be used to glorify God. I can't wait to see what He does with that. Three or four years ago I never imagined myself on the road to becoming a social worker, I was set on being a writer, but here I am, my first semester of college nearly done, and on the path of social service. Wow...and I thought it was all me, but now I see it was God.

I still love writing, it's a great passion and source of happiness, but today, I know that if my intent was still set on writing I know I would not fully be satisfied. Sure, I'd be doing a passion, but I be doing it out of pride, not glorification for God.

Wowzers. God's so mysterious and great. I wish I could understand all that He is and all that He does, but I can't!

=]

Wow, just wow.

Thanks, God. Thank You for everything.

Last night I dreamed..

...and it made me laugh, but at the same time, quite sad.

In the dream I listened to you talk on the phone with her. I was annoyed by the way she made you laugh. And in the dream you were supposed to dance with me, but instead you decided last minute, she'd be the one you'd dance with instead.

Then the dream changed to you and me. I was just waking up, but I was on the phone with you. You were just waking up too. I don't remember who called who, but we were talking and it was raining outside (I think this only happened because I was just about to wake up in real life and it was raining outside =p). I remember snuggling into my blanket in the dream, knowing I did not have school later so I could relax, and I remember you telling me a story and I smiled because I was hearing your voice. I remember talking with you for a while, I didn't make you laugh as much as she made you laugh, but I had the feeling you never stopped smiling when I was talking to you. Then I asked you about a dance, already knowing that she had taken my place, and I don't remember your answer, but I had a sense of dancing in the rain.

Then I was in class, listening to a lecture when the teacher suddenly started talking about you, and a girl who is going to a university out of state sat next to me in the dream and she said that every big school wanted you and you were going to do big things. And she said to let you be you, and eventually you would come back to me. I remember laughing in the dream at the ridiculous notion that you were known at a school you didn't even attend.

O_o oh what a dream.

I can't believe you didn't want to be my dance partner anymore. >.<

Opinionated.

Lately I've been thinking about people, myself, and life in general...but that's not new. However, recently I have been pondering on the idea of opinions. People are very opinionated, no matter what. In a way, people are biased, some more strongly than others.

Looking at myself, I believe I am somewhat opinionated. I don't know how biased I am though. Maybe because I am not very self-assured. I consider myself flexible, constantly changing, and altruistic (and become more so every day!). If I look at where I am today and where I was a few months ago and where I was a year ago I can see many changes in myself. My core values are always the same, those are some things I am highly opinionated on.

But for other things, when I observe people, I suppose...I am weak compared to them...I'm using the term "weak" for a lack of a better adjective. When I listen to friends, family, and classmates talk, many of them are very self-assured, very "I'm right. This it what is right!". When talking with said friends and family and classmates, I find myself easily swayed, or highly likely to question what I do believe. Occasionally I will get into an debate with a person if they think differently or are wrong (two VERY different things!), but eventually I do back down because the person's will is usually stronger than mine and I'm tired of fighting.

Sometimes I wish I could be like that. I wish I could be as forward with my thoughts and what makes me, me. I don't know. Maybe it's because I lack a certain confidence a lot of other people have, and maybe I'm still child-like in the way I think...maybe I'm just shy. I don't know.

I am slightly envious of those who can defend themselves and their opinions with such vigor. It's refreshing and amusing...amusing in a good way. It's nice to see that people have their own minds and will readily defend what they think. I hope that I will be able to become more strong-willed and capable to be just as open as they are too. :]

"Forget December"

"It won't be better

than I remember it before

And this month only

would be so lonely

And not so holy anymore.....

On Christmas morning

Outside was pouring

It was hopeless in this home..."

Happy December!

Is it? Is it really?

December, as of late, has been a pretty dismal month for me, which is funny. Well, not really. It was only recently that I decided that Christmas is my favorite holiday. I love the Christmas/New Year season. Everyone is so happy, there are smile everywhere and the it's just so romantic. The lights are beautiful, the weather is colder, and except the for grinches and ba-humbugs, everyone just seems to be in a better mood. It's a great feeling. I especially love the Christmas story about Jesus! :D That's a favorite, of course. =] <3

But, at the same time, this time of year has been hard on me for the past two years going on 3 this year. December 2007 was a bad time for me because two things happened: 1. I had lost my then-best friend 2.That's when the complications with Dad truly began, or rather, the end began. Both of which still effect me today (well, more so, that Dad part). Since then, December/January has been a blue month for me. Some days it felt like I was going through the motions of happiness. Family's here! Yay put on a smile! Christmas party with friends! Yes, smile and be attentive! New Year's party! Yay, smile again! Well, I am happy for the most part, but all the while in the back of my head, I'm just thinking of all the things that happened in the past years. I wonder if I did the right thing. I pray that Dad's watching me. I miss him so much.

You know, before 2007, Christmas was always an interesting time for me. It was Dad and me and my brothers and sisters, Mom worked, and even then, I was never with her. ._. I am a terrible person. Anyway, I was happy on Christmas. I asked for no gifts but family insisted and I just said money to make people stop asking. I didn't have presents to unwrap because of that, but that was okay, I was content with hugs and cards of money. I was happy watching everyone open gifts. I was happy to see that Dad was smiling and singing and opening his presents. I will always remember the hours that Dad and I spent Christmas just the two of us before we went out to a brother's or sister's house. Dad always felt so bad because we didn't have a tree, because he couldn't wrap a present for me. To this day, I don't care. Sure, I love Christmas tress, stockings, and ornaments, but that's not what made me happy. It was Dad. He tried. He did what he could. He never failed to tell me that the greatest gift of all for him was me (after Jesus, of course), Christmas or not. And the first year I spent Christmas without him and without the family I sat in the living room at my mom's house while she slept the entire time. I did nothing but sit.

December is a hard month on me. Today, it's not as bad, but sometimes I still feel the pain of not having Dad there. But, I'm still here, so is Mom. I can make it good for her, right?

Haha, I do know, that when I have my family, my kids are going to be sick of holidays. I want to decorate. I want them to experience the joy of being with friends and family in a loving environment. And I want them to know that they will be my greatest gifts for Christmas and for the rest of the year.

Well, the greatest gifts after the gift of salvation. :]