Boredom

I am so bored. I missed out on college group tonight because I'm baby-sitting. Wheee. I'm sad I miss it because this means I'm missing it two weeks in a row. But at least I get a little money, right?

Yeah, well, I'm bored. The kids are asleep and I finished my homework early. I didn't think I'd to bring a book because I thought I'd be doing homework up until Cj and Jandy returned. But nope. I finished my homework early because I didn't have Internet distraction. Now I do. But I'm bored on-line. That's funny. Isn't the Internet supposed to kill boredom or something? Well, I don't know. All I know is that I'm going to be here until a little after midnight. I don't want to watch television because it looks like the Palmers' have a million channels and I'd get too engrossed by it, haha. I really like their house. It's definitely a tall person house, I'm not going to lie about that. Although Jandy isn't very tall. She's like 5'6'' I think. I don't gauge heights or distances or weights or anything along those lines very well.

So as they left, I briefly saw Caedon, their eldest child before he went to bed. Before they left he goes up to them individually and is all "Bye mom, love you. Bye Dad, love you". It's super cute. Normally ten-year-olds are so anti-parents. Or not completely...they just don't like hugging their parents. so yep. Super cute. =] Chayah and Cobyn were already asleep before I arrived. Haha, except for Jandy, everyone's names start with the letter "C". You know, I just thought of this tonight...what does "Cj" stand for? Hmm, I'll ask him when he comes back tonight!

Well, I'm on Skype with Natalie and Delaine. Natalie isn't talking to me, and Delaine and I just started creating a story....scratch that, Natalie just responded to me, so she's talking to me. Yep, haha.

So the baby monitor in Cobyn's room is really freaking me out here. I'm sitting in the room and it's really quiet and all of a sudden I hear deep breathing or the occasional whine. I know that Cadeon is sleeping in Cobyn's room tonight and Jandy told me that he used to have night terrors but he doesn't have them anymore. So I'm freaked out. I expect to hear psycho screaming coming from the upstairs. And my nap didn't help either. Everyone was texting me during my nap and I had a nightmare about baby-sitting the Palmer kids tonight. So bleh. I think I'm going to go check on the kids now...

...They are all fast asleep. Good.

Ugghh...can I not be human please? Can my emotions please just go die in a ditch? That's be great. That'd be super!

But they won't *sigh*.

Fail. Well...I'm going to go find something else to occupy my time.

I want to be...

...who I used to be.

But wait, let me explain. I want to the positive things I once was. They used to call me graceful. They used to call me sweet. They used to call me elegant. They used to call me calm. I want to be all that again. I suppose I like who I am today to a certain extent: klutzy, spastic, and mm....unique, I suppose. But I don't like it at the same time. I'm not who I used to be.

What brought this up? Life. People in my life. People that make me think. There are certain people that I know that are just...grawr, rude. It's annoying. And well, I don't do anything about it. I get annoyed, and in my mind I just want to yell and snap and be rude to them back, but I'm not. And it got me thinking about who I used to be. I used to be this friendly (but super shy person..well, I'm still super shy-ish..) who was sweet to everyone. I was called "one of the nicest people ever". Today, I don't think I can be called that anymore. I sure as heck can't be called elegant or graceful anymore.

I think I want to go back to that. Hmm, how to do it though. Is it possible to grow up again?